Popularity bites...literally???

Ergh...Just done wif tuition...a-maths CA tmr.great.another excuse 4 me 2 mess up...honestly, y e hell r we learning maths aniwei? regardless of whether its add maths or elementary maths...wats e point? i mean luk at ppl of olden times, dey gt thru well enuff wifout havin 2 learn functions n trigo n geometry...aniwaez, found out Ms. L goin china! i dunno whether its a gd or bad ting bt i tink its leaning more 2 gd... :)


As usual, i was stoning on e bus ride home(was a lil pmsing so went hm alone...i haf no idea y bt everytym i dun feel lyk myself, i'll start doin class duty...hmm...weird..), n sum award show on or smt was blaring on e tv mobile ting..naturally, it caught my attention after a while cos i cldnt exactly ignore e piercing screams cumin frm e small box can i? so i luk 2 c wats all e commotion abt...saw dis whole grp of ppl screaming their lungs out cos sum popular person won an award..now, dis gt me tinking...


Why is dere even a need 2 b popular? i dun tink ppl even noe y dey need 2 b popular.dey jus do.its lyk all e most beautiful and brightest ppl wif rows of perfect shiny white teeth and perfect untainted looks, tend to get drawn 2 each other, lyk bees 2 honey. bt y? wats e ting wif popularity aniwei? wat lures us ppl 2 it? the fame maybe? the power? the adoration and being idolized, e fact dat u gt 2 be e centre of attention? i dunno...


den again, y do we so called 'lesser mortals' luk up 2 dis popular ppl aniwei? y do we idolize em? after all dey're reali jus human beings lyk us...sure dey may haf more luck den us in terms of luks n wealth n all dat bt reali, dey're still made of the same mould as e res of us...mayb its cos dey're leading lives we noe we nvr will lead unless sum miracle occurs...yeah..i tink dat's prob it...ryt?

~I only think of you

And its breaking my heart

I'm trying to keep it together

But i'm falling apart...~

DoUbLe ShOt EspReSsO wItH a TwIsT oF LeMoN...

"It's not having what you want... It's wanting what you have..."

indecisive or just confused???

Its almost 12 and i'm still religiously studying BIO!!wohoo...peristalsis.digestion.nutrition.yeah...
all dat... am a lil HIGH bt brain's damn worked out...tired...wanna slp...but no. MUST study...Ms T shld b proud tau. Aniwei, Shan's on the radio! yay! LURVE his voice! So nice...lyk gd nyt lullaby...


Aniwaez, sch was fine...got 3 free periods after recess cos Ms L didnt cum, el as usual is slack n so's malay...i love makay n eng...basically do nth...no studying...heh...so after sch, me, omi, jack n nikki went to eat lunch..We were supposed 2 decide whether we wanted 2 go hm or nt..as in whether we wanted 2 study at hm alone or sumwhere else together...now, being the indecisive ppl we r, we took quite sum tym 2 decide. in e end, me gettin tired of milling ard waiting for a solution 2 meterialize frm thin air, decided 2 go hm..jack decided e same thing so in e end, we all went hm...


i ws jus tinking abt it, imagine all e stuff we can accomplish wif all e tym we spent on tryin 2 decide on sth agreeble wif every1..(dat makes abt 6 of us, wif nini n mira la...more if others r dere 2..) i remember dat tym, e spent almost HALF OF 60 MINS to decide wat we wanted 2 eat..no wait, mayb it was more. u c, we went 2 swenson's wof e intention 2 eat of course. so went we gt dere, we luk at e menu n cldnt decide wat exactly to eat. dessert or lunch? lunch or dessert? e waiter kept askin whether we were ready 2 order. i tink she asked almos 3 tyms..bt of course we weren't ready...so we flipped a coin 2 decide n e answer was lunch, BUT, dere was another teeny prob. wat exactly 2 eat. fish n chips?pasta?baked rice? *sigh* i tink i shld warn all our frens 2 nvr go out wif us all unless ur prepared 2 wait a long tym 4 decidsions n all dat tingy...u c, everytym sum1 poses the question "what r u gonna eat ah?", we generally change our minds again...in e half an hour, we took 2 order, i tink i changed my food choice abt 3 or 4 tyms...tsk..in e end, i ended up getting e dish i had wanted 2 get at e veri start...i noe...waste of tym n all...it also doesnt help dat ALL of us r veri indecisive ryt...nt our fault our brain configuration is programmed dat way ryt? so i still havent figured out yet...r we jus indecisive or plain confused? i noe! confuzzled!


To you [you noe hu u r] : Stop it...im sick of playing ur game...dun even tink abt tryin 2 sway me animore. wont work...jus leave me be alryt? i made a choice n jus cos ur nt in it, u dun have 2 freakin force ur way in2 it...jus stop n leave me alone...its fated alryt? get dat in2 ur head.

~ Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

And all the things you do

Yeah,they were all yellow ~

DoUbLe ShOt EsPrEsSo WiTh A tWisT oF lEmOn...

"A ship in harbour is safe but that's not what ships are built for..."

For a lost soul i know...

Its almost 1.40 n i'm dead tired n sleepy bt since i haf jus gt enlightened a few hrs ago, thot i'd blog dis 1st b4 i drift off to lala land or sth...jus bear in mind dis entry is 4 a lost soul i noe...

[For the lost soul out there...]

I knew u since young. we played together, had fun. Ate at the same table, yet, u of all ppl. i'd never thot u'd turn out dis way bt u did. sumhow. i tink i might b missing sth here. i dunno n absolutely haf no idea wat exactly went wrong. u were such a nice boy. fun. full of laughs n crazy ideas. full of jokes especially lame ones. I've always enjoyed the games we used 2 play. Do u still remember? How we crashed our someone's room? jumped on e bed, rockin 2 avril's sk8er boi. Remember all e silly games we play? back wen we were reali small? u made us all reenact e jap occupation. u said we had 2 b realistic so we took sacks n laid soil all over corridor so it'd luk like real forts....remember? n e elders were so mad at us...bt we didn't care cos we had fun. back den, everyting seemed so easy...bt now?


admit it. u've changed. i feel as though i dun noe u animore. dat u've become an alien 2 me. Now i dun noe which side of u is toking. i can nvr tell. dere's always sth abt u i nvr knew. stuff i didn't think u'd ever do. mayb its cos ur trying 2 find out hu u reali r. i dunno. mayb.


bt u noe, thru it all, did u ever stop 2 think abt wat ur doin? abt ur parents mayb? did u ever? i haf a feeling u didnt. u jus plunged in2 it. luk at e mess ur in nw. living ur life in regret? is dat reali wat u wan? i still dun get it. how can u be so reckless? so naive. did u reali did it out of love or lust? i sumhow tink it was e latter...wat haf u gotten urself in2? u didnt even use protection...wat if sth had happened? if u werent careful enuff? n wat abt u in a gang? do u noe wat ur doin? ur reali lucky it was onli a chair u noe...wat if it was a parang or sth? den wat? u might nt even b here ryt nw if it reali was...n a tatto? lucky u got a small one. den u dug it out. wat e hell were u tinking? might as well dun get 1 in e 1st place ryt. seve urself all e trouble n pain...sumhow, at dis point, i reali dun noe wat 2 say 2 u animore.i guess if dats e way u wan 2 live ur life, den so be it. i'm nt saying i approve of u doin all dis, wastin ur life away and all. i mean wat kind of job r u going 2 have? bt it reali is up 2 u. its ur choice n if dis is wat u reali wan, i have no say do i? I'm jus hoping dat 1 day, u'll cum bak. cos i noe e same sweet caring boy dat i once knew is still hidden sumwhere underneath ur facade, lurking jus beneath e surface...




"Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you have to keep moving."

For you...

pretend. Y do we all lyk 2 pretend? Y do we prefer 2 hide behind a mask, using it 2 shield ourselves? R we jus scared of wat ppl will tink of e real us? I tink so. we're scared of wat ppl will say, of wat dey'll tink. yet, y do we let em affect us lyk dat. y do we let their words hurt us, get 2 us, get under our skin? it doesnt make sense 2 me. we pretend n hide ourselves cos we're scared of wat ppl will tink or say abt us.


bt wat does it matter anyway wat ppl will tink abt us? wat actuali matters is wat WE tink abt us. dun u tink so? heck all e ppl sayin stupid nonsensical nonsense cos dey're nt us so dey won't understand. So dun b afraid 2 show hu u reali r. its better den living a life full of lies n deception and fake illusions anway.sumtyms, even if it's onli 4 a second, we shld all drop e pretence n reach out for sum1. I'm nt saying it will b easy. it takes quite an amt of courage 2 do so bt if u do, u'll feel much better. Dey myt nt b able 2 fully erase away all e pain n hurt ur feeling bt dey cn help ease it a bit so its much more bearable n less painful 4 u. dun u wan dat? wats e use of u suffering in silence aniwei? ur onli torturing n hurting urself more....ur soul needs feeding n nurturing 2 u noe...dats wat i realised. we all always fail 2 take care of our soul properly until it is left so empty. cos we always deny it e love n care dat it rightfully deserve...so mayb we all shld reali start tinking abt e way we live our life n change a lil of our ways. cos bottom line is, we cant keep pretending n hiding behind a mask, behing angst, behind anger forever...


To my darl nikki, cheer up kayz...u noe i'm always here 4 u if u ever need me. n i always will b so is mira. wenever u need sum1 2 tok 2, we're here 4 u kayz...n u mus try stop k...if nt 4 urself, 4 us. Love ya gazzilion trillion billion million loads bundles and stacks...


Since i promised SUMONE i'll credit em, here goes nth: e word confuzled dat i used under e [A]ll me part, was created by jack. otherwise known as [ed's] lolly. dere. hapi nw? :) Btw, 4 dose of u hu r seriously super blur, confuzzled is actuali ; confused+puzzled=confuzzled!! get it?



[For you...Hazel eyed princess][you know who u are]

I look deep in your eyes and I can see
All the pain and tears you hide from me
Screaming in silence, yearning to fly
I can see the real you, behind your hazel eyes


You put on a mask, the one that’ll get you through another day
Afraid of showing the real you, the you deep inside
Your soul’s torn to pieces, severed in every way
Straining cos of the pain you try so desperately to hide


I look deep in your eyes and I can see
All the pain and tears you hide from me
Screaming in silence, yearning to fly
I can see the real you, behind your hazel eyes


I wish you’d stop pretending everything’s alright
I wish I was superman, so I can save you when you call each night
I wish I can erase away your pain
I wish I can see you fly high again


I want to help you let it all go
So you can be free from the chains that bind you tight
Let me through, please
So I can release you and make everything alright


I look deep in your eyes and I can see
All the pain and tears you hide from me
Screaming in silence, yearning to fly
I can see the real you, the you behind your hazel eyes...

~ There must be an angel with a smile on her face
when she thought up i should be with you
but it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you ~





"A friend is someone who knows you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked."

Tribute to Night

Arggh...i smell of milk! HL Milk...Just finished feeding Night. In case you're lyk wondering ryt, Night's dis lil baby mynah birdie. Me, Steph Tan, Princess 'n' Ferena from 3e5 were at Paya Lebar Mrt station on our way to school. it was veri windy 'n' looked liked it was gonna rain. So dere we were, walking along, hapi n carefree wen what do we see huddled in one corner? it was dis small cute lil mynah birdie(Night obvoiusly...). It was lyk shivering cos it was cold n sumhow, it cldn't fly. We weren't sure whether it cldn't fly cos it was injured(its leg was all wonky...) or cos it doesn't noe how...so we assumed both.


We wanted 2 bring it 2 sch cos it was so pitiful 2 c e birdie lyk dat bt prob is, we didn't haf a box or sth 2 take it in. So Steph improvised wif a plastic bag she found in her bag. Den, we faced another prob. No one dared pick it up. So dere we were, crowding ard the terrified birdie, trying 2 egg each other to pick the birdie up(we were kinda running late u c...). Anywayz, dis Chinese man suddenly popped up 'n' helped us pick the birdie up 'n' plopped it in2 e plastic bag.


Wen we reached sch, we were alrdy late n dat tune was blaring alrdy bt we cldn't go any faster cos of the birdie. We reached class jus in tym bt had 2 stand outside cos e national anthem started b4 we got in. So yeah. Den, we told Mrs. C hu gt a box 4 us.


During recess, we were lyk tying to gif e birdie bread soaked wif water bt apparently, its a veri picky birdie n wont eat e bread. Den along came zid hu offered 2 go buy milk n sum more bread 4 e birdie. so off she went n dats wen we kinda decided 2 col it sth else other den birdie. first we thot of eighners(eighters and niners) bt we decided it sounds 2 crude 4 such a cute birdie so we decided to col it Night instead. (Nine and eight cos Niners found it 1st n den eighters came tagging along...get it?) anywayz, brought Night hm 2dae. He's in a plastic cage tingy in e living rm.bringing him 2 sch tmr.gd ting daddy sending me. cant imagine trying 2 explain 2 e bus driver Night's a birdie hu doesnt or totally cant fly.lolz...


oh ya, i achieved sth 2dae. I ran e trial run tingy 4 2.4 n i didnt sprain my ankle! yay! so proud of myself...oso managed 2 do my civic duty 2 3e9 by doing class duty..Oh ya, was pleasantly surprised wen jan suddenly put her arm ard me wen we were walkin 2 pe n asked me wats wrong. Dat point of tym, i was seriously tinking she had esp or telepathy or sth bt turns out Mrs.C put her up 2 it. Lolz..funi Mrs. C. so worried my brains were addled. Bt glad she asked jan cos she understood my reasoning n all..Lolz...n mus remeber 2 tok 2 Naq...hope she say ok or sth..cross fingers...


Nikki: You owe me a letter and dun u dare tink i'll 4get abt it.better ryt me 1 tau...
Mira: I'll be ok. Actually, i am ok n i col u las nyt abt Nikki. Nt HIM. reali. I swear.
Princess: Saw u n Matt. Was on e bus n u were at e bustop. Hrmph. Nvr even wave at me. Bad
princess.
Katshee: Sorri ur Pocky veri overdue. try get it asap aightz...

Perfection
Skinny legs, bigger breasts
Is all they want to see
Tiny waists and thinner arms
The opposite of me
The pressure to be perfect
Is slowly closing in
An utter suffocation
That doesn’t seem to end
Society is telling me
Beautiful is thin
And if I choose to starve myself,
Perfection is what I’d win
Shoving something down my throat
Will get me what I want
Bring me closer to that goal
Of a body I can flaunt
Society is telling us
Beauty is a prize
Measured in the size of your breasts
And weight and clothing size
But let me tell you here and now
No good will come from that
It seems ok at first
But soon becomes a trapa disease that clouds the mind
And believes what is untrue
Believes you’re never good enough
No matter what you do
There is one beauty that I know
It’s the greatest prize of all
It’s learning to accept yourself
Imperfections, flaws and all
The beauty that really matters
Lies in our heart, our soul, our core
Because when you love what’s inside
You love what’s outside even more….

[found this one in a Chicken Soup series. Forgot e author name.]

"Sometimes, to not be a disappointment to those you love, you must first disappoint yourself."

Spirited Away...

Heyz...It's lyk 4.45 now. I'm waiting 4 Mira in class. Nikki, Zid, Omi, jack n jelly's here 2...dey're tellin ghost stories or sth. Nt listening. feeling kinda weird ryt nw...u noe all sensitif n all...bt i tink it's jus my imagination..i mean Omi n zid nt showing signs of seeing or feeling antyhing...u noe, sumtyms, being sensitif is nt reali a gd ting. Lyk ryt nw...i dunno...Nini was lyk askin 1 of us 2 teman her down n we were all 2 lazy u noe. typical us. bt den i heard dis tingy ting. Lyk thumping noises. loud. cumin frm e cupboard. n den quick hurried footsteps...so naturally my senses were on extra alert n i thot i shld go teman Nini 2 calm myself down u noe...so i send her down n wen i was on my way up 2 class again, i saw wat i thot was sum1 passing on e opp corridor. u noe my sch is lyk rectangular tingy n i thot i saw sum1 passing on e opp side wen i was goin up e stairs..bt wen i stopped n luk harder, dere was no1 dere...i'll let u ponder abt dat aightz...


School: i was so pissed during e-math jus nw cos i din't haf tym 2 finish up my paper! Aarrrggghhh! i'm so screwed...it was kinda an ok day. bt den, dere was a-maths. n omfg! Sum bitch came in instead of mrs L n she was so goddamn bitchy and irritating. I mean 4 gods sake, we had jus learned da basics 4 drawing dat curves shite n hu e hell is she 2 boss us ard?! she was going super fast n no1 was lyk understanding anyting. so i tink it was Jill hu ask her 2 lyk slow down n she was lyk "oh please...i'm nt even going fast." lyk wtf?! she's lyk jus sum relief teacher...so pissed. put me in a damn bad mood. but den history cheered me up! i duno y bt i tink i'm starting 2 lyk ms Saffiah more n more. She's nice n she gave me a lollipop!!! double yayness!!!


Anyway, on 2 more nicer n happier stuff. goin 2 PP later wif my 2 bestiez. goin 2 get rhumba frap! yayness! I LOVE coffee!!


Hah.Finally told Mira. wasn't supposed 2 lyk tell her just yet bt accidentally sent her e msg i was supposed 2 send HIM so she kinda found out...was so scared she was gonna freak or sth bt i tink she suspected all along. Yay! I feel soooo FREE! Flying high in the sky, flying around like a little butterfly...eh.dat rhymes...lolz..Finally went n tok 2 mrs Chan. She said she'd tink abt it...Dat's a gd thing ryt? ryt?


Mira: Thnx 4 understanding and 4 still loving me. Luv ya 2 gal. N proud and happy 4 u...Now ur free huh? :)

Nikki: Happy now? I credit you alrdy so dun u dare say i didnt. N yes, i admit i had nth 2 do wif e writing. Satisfied? :) Lolz...Silly gal, as if i'd steal ur poem away from u...u noe i luv ya n i noe ya luv me 2!


A tear behind every smile
Trapped in a facade that takes a while
everyone's sick of playing life's game
The broken hearts, its all the same
With so many tricks and lies
Too many whens and too many whys
Burnt out, wasted, empty and hollow
Today was just yesterday's tomorrow
yet we still continue toying with pretend
In this life that has no end
Asking if others are okay
Only masking ourselves so people don't look our way
We say we're fine with a silent scream
Pleading it all to be just a dream
Trapped in myself in a 'perfect' place
wishing i could show my imperfect face.

[This poem was written by my bestie, Nikki]

~ Kiss me beneath the milky twilight

Lead me out onto the moonlit floor

Lift your open hand

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

Silver moon's sparkling

So kiss me ~

"True love is not loving a perfect person. It's loving an imperfect person perfectly..."

Yearning to be someone we're not...

Finally...after so long, i manage to post my veri 1st entry!! yayness! Firstly, a shoutout to my dearest Katshee for helping me out with this blog. Thanx gal, love ya n rock on yeah?


Anywayz, i was like on my way home from sch wif Nikki jus now and dis thot suddenly popped into my head. i was lyk tinking dat we're all ppl hu r lyk desperately trying 2 reach n hold on 2 sth we cant have or we can nvr get. Lyk sth we're not. I noe lotsa ppl (myself included) dat put princess or queen in fornt of their names. Lyk dis : Princess Alyssa the 1st. Kay,2 u, mayb dis is lyk irelevant bt if u lyk luk deeper n read between e lines, we're lyk yearning 2 b sum1 we're nt. We all do dat i suppose at 1 point or another. Mayb it makes us all feel better about ourselves. Make us feel lyk we're special, anyting bt ordinary. Lyk we actually mean sth.


Don't get me wrong. We r all special in our own way. bt, if onli we can see it 4 ourselves. Tell me, How many of us can look in2 a mirror n see wat others see in us? How many of us can actually see past all our faults and see wat our frens, our loved ones see? all the goodness packed inside us, we choose 2 ignore. Yet, our faults, our flaws, our thorns, we see clearly.


we're all plagued by a disease. it's called self-pity. Sure, sumtyms, a teeny amount of self-pity is good 4 u bt 2 much? can literally harm u and tear u apart. No one in dis whole entire world can make us feel special and good about ourselves if its not us ourselves. (Umm...do u lyk get wat i'm trying 2 say here?) If we don't learn 2 love ourselves 1st, how can we love others? Ask urself dat....

Colour you beautiful

If what you seek is perfection
If you’re sinking deeper into depression
If you’re stuck in a world of deception
And you’re always the one in isolation

If you think you need resurrection
If you’re fenced in utter confusion
If you’re searching for a solution
And you need consolation

I’ll colour you beautiful
And take away what’s painful
I’ll colour you beautiful
And show you you’re wonderful

If you think you’ve lost all illusion
And you’re heading for self-destruction
If you’ve lost all sense of direction
And you’re yearning an explanation

If you’ve lost your inspiration
And what you need is diversion
If you crave retribution
In order to give you satisfaction

I’ll colour you beautiful
And take away what’s painful
I’ll colour you beautiful
And show you you’re truly wonderful…

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away..."