Volcom And Ripcurl

ok. dis is my update after such a looong time.

so much has happened.

at least now i'm much much better.

thnx 2 e meds and my support system.

:)

oh, went out yesterday and my uncles were being damn nice.

got a volcom hoodie and ripcurl flip flops.

hapi.

[i'm trying not 2 rmbr e hours i spent at all e flash and splash outlets trying 2 find a hoodie dat fits me. damn e roxy babes r so goddamn skinny.hrmph.]

though my dad will kill me if he ever finds out e price of dat hoodie.

bt as e saying goes, wat he doesnt noe won't hurt him. heh.

guess life's being good 2 me right now.

am getting closer 2 my mum 2..

its high time we bonded.

miss her loads. e old times u noe.

n after all dat happened, i realise dat i'm pretty lucky.

i mean i'm still able to live life and appreciate wat god has given me.

and dat no matter wat, my parents will always love me.

n dat dere's lotsa ppl out dere who sincerely cares abt me.

i feel so loved.

:)

oh, my orli binge is slowing down now since i got tons of other shows 2 watch other den LOTR and KOH [lolz. potassium hydroxide]

n elizabethtown was not wat i expected.

can u believe dat i fell asleep halfway thru?

[although dat was half cos e meds made me drowsy and half cos i hated watching him frolick with kirsten dunst.]

its jus dat e movie has not much action in it...more of talking so it didnt reali capture my attn.

n i so prefer his brit accent

its a known fact, brit accents r hott n sexy.

take nigel barker and mr bloom 4 example.

now dats wat i col hott stuffs.

Tugging heartstrings

Just got back frm my grandma's hse.

damn.

my gran always pulls on my heartstrings.

she's alrdy i tink 80?

n she cant rmbr or see veri well cos she has cataract.

she kept asking hu i was n all dat.

[i suppose u cant blame her becos she has almost 20 grandchildren and sum of our nicknames sound alike. like; iqa, ira, ida.]

n she refused to let go of my hand wen i salam-ed her.

she started crying instead.

dat always gets 2 me. her tears i mean.

aniwei, went out wif loll jus now.

cos she had 2 return me my bks n i was supposed 2 help her pick out mira's present

i love going out wif her. we jus sumhow seem 2 find stuff dat rocks for b'dae presents n all dat.

:)

we jus got a knack for finding all e good stuffs.

oh, n i'm on an orli rampage.

been saving tons of pics. [315 and still counting]

and i finally got sum vids.

thnx 2 loll's expertise on e matter

honestly, his laugh is so goddamn gay sumtyms.

hmm.

but i gotta admit, him being bi is a hott. i wouldn't mind in e slightest.

:) hee.

hes a SNAG.

Appreciating proper ventilation

Just got home.

Waiting for mira 2 pop over wif her hamster.

so i thot i'd just do a quickie while i wait for my nano 2 charge.

gosh, i'm so sleepy.

been veri sleepy dis past few days. been sleeping more.

which is unusual coming frm me.

aniwei, got dad 2 pick me frm sch.

he did n den we went over 2 mum's workplace [she's sewing heart valves, u noe lyk e case study in SS]

waited a long time.

n den he locked me up in the car!

woke up after a few mins wondering where e hell i was.

i tell u, u will never fully appreciate proper ventilation until ur stuck in a car for 20 mins with all e windows up and its hot lyk shit.

i learned it e hard way.

:)

Of nervous breakdowns and dancing in the rain

I'm gonna keep this veri short.

haf 2 go study.

aniwei, nikki jus called me.

she was having a nervous breakdown.

honestly, she gave me a little scare cos she seriously sounded lyk she had asthma.

so 4 a while i was wondering hu i ws toking 2, her or mira.

i tink e nervous breakdowns r jus gonna keep getting worse as e O's get nearer.

mids r in 1 n a half weeks.

bloody scary.

i'm so unprepared.

n i've given up making notes for hist n ss ryt now. dere's jus no time.

so im jus going 2 read thru.

lit, i skimmed thru e stooopidd el teacher a bit n i'll jus skim thru again e night b4 e lit paper.

n i nd serious help wif maths. need 2 find sum1 hu can go thru all e impt concepts wif me.

i gotta force myself 2 do chem.

n i gotta b extra careful wen i write my compos, as in make sure i haf a proper story n all dat.

Oh, im coughing non-stop. think it was cos i got caught in e rain yest n den i had 2 sit thru 1 hr in e freaking cold bus. yup.

the effects of trying to outrun a freaking downpour.

bt it was fun. lolz. i'd do it again in a heartbeat. haha.

If ur wondering, yes, i'm not talking abt aniting like dat.

I'm gonna be fine. reali. seriously.

at least i'm working on it.

so i shld b ok in no time. jus watch me. :)

thnx 2 all those hu listen n show ur concern.

reali appreciate it cos i tink im gonna need ur support thru all dis.

thank u frm e bottom of my heart.

u haf no idea how much dat means to me.

Struggling to find a foothold

Everything seems so surreal dis past 3 days.

Like i'm watching the world from someone else's eyes

i dunno. jus seems like i cant find any foothold whatsoever.

n i've cried gallons i tink e last 2 days.

weird. i hate crying.

i cried cos i felt guilty

den i cried cos ihad a talk wif my mum

den i cried again cos i had cramps

e next morning, cried again cos i felt guilty again

den i almost cried in e bank queue cos of stooopid period cramps

den i cried in e restraunt cos mum n dad gave me dis pep talk

den i cried again at night cos i felt guilty again n ppl kept saying stuff dat made me cry

havent cried yet 2dae. hope i can keep it in.

i tink i might jus b pmsing.

or sth lyk dat.

i'm trying my best to reach out thou.

to somehow get everyting out of my system.

i guess i need to learn how to let go

how 2 forgive myself. cos sumhow i cant do dat.

n i jus start another viscious cycle.

i mean how do you forgive yourself for all dat u've done?

4 all e hurt u've inflicted on ppl?

how do u excuse urself 4 all e irrational tings u've done?

how do u let go?

how do u get back ur faith n get up again?

how do u fight the pain?

i dunno. i'm all over e place. i dunno wat 2 feel or do animore.

i jus wanna breathe again. n jus live my life. n let it all go.