1.34 am in the morning

As you can see from the title, it's very late.

I'm supposed to be up relatively early [by my standards that is] cos I've got to go and draw cash from the bank so that my dad can pay the bills and my upcoming appointment and also do a little bit of overdue shopping.

But as usual, the insomnia plagues me once again.

As it does every night without fail.

And once again, I'm gonna be the last to sleep.

Ahh, but I still love the peace and quiet.

Just me and the stars.

I've forgotten what I wanted to blog about in the first place.

Somehow my attention span and short term memory has dwindled significantly.

Dilah and Shaf says the cause isn't that hard to find since its pretty much just an sms away.

Maybe they're right. Or maybe the world and its occupants is just moving on faster

and I'm still hanging in a suspended eddy. [i love that word. haha]

Oh wells.

So long as I'm content.

:)

My brain's too wired now to focus much on blogging so I'm going off.

Night to whoever's reading this [incidentally, I wonder who is]

Keep your chin up.

How a day can stretch to a year

Finally summer test is over.

I know for a fact that I screwed up maths and history pretty horribly.

I counted, and there is no way I can pass maths.

Well if its some consolation, me and fiqa can at least get 2 marks for this freaking simple exponential question.

yes. 2 out of 50.

-_-

The following are excerpts from my conversation with nad, fiqa and li on the way home yesterday.

[when fiqa and nad was talking about the Campland they did which me and li didn't go to, walking to 7-11]

Me:Sesungguhnya aku dilanda kesedihan

Li:Bagai ditusuk sembilu bisa

Nad:Pedihnya entah bila akan terhenti

Me:hatiku dicarik-carik dengan keris tajam

Li:dan dirobek-robek kan

Nad: Pedih perit..ouch

Li:dan masuk ke dalam 7-11 tuk mengubat luka

Nad: Kesian kau Li, nga merana

Li: Aku bukan merana, aku sengsara

Nad: dan Fi pulak menderita

Me: Nad, sesungguhnya, dalam waktu berjalan lalu

Aku makin tak sayang padamu

Nad: Eh, nenek aku pergi ke pasar

Sesungguhnya aku tak kisah!

Nad: Eh fiqa, daun serai daun mengkudu

Aku tampar baru kau tau

Nad: aku nampak lori terbabas

aku balek nak naik bas

Fiqa: Minum teh, minum kopi

Korang balek naik la mrt!

Nad: Kau tak dengar lori terbabas

aku cakap aku naik bas!

Nad: Makan nasi pakai sudu

Lain kali kita bertemu

Haha!

Konon nya baru balek MLEP camp ah tu.

Aku saaaaayang korang semua banyak2 skali.

:)

I've made a silent vow to stop whining.

I shall not whine or talk about how much I miss you to anyone.

Not even to dilah or shaf.

cos I don't have a valid right to whine.

And I had a dream yesterday that scared the shit out of me.

A dream about you.

And I woke up crying cos I realise it will kill me if I lose you.

Cupid's got me in a chokehold

I'm freezing here in the sub-zero zone otherwise known as the school library.

I'm supposed to go off to causeway point and develop the photos needed for the PW pilot test this thursday.

But, I've decided to wait until the econs kids, meaning all of my group members, to finish their paper so I can drag them along and not be such a blur sotong using the freaking machine.

So just now was the 3 hour long malay paper.

Which I almost missed because I couldn't wake up in the morning.

Luckily I somehow, by some miracle, made it for the paper.

The karangan was okay la although I don't know why nobody did number 4 except me.

"faktor-faktor yang menyumbang kepada kesesakan lalu lintas jalan raya."

I mean I think I answered it correctly although I almost put population as "populasi".

Baik ah malay aku. haha.

And then the bahasa part was pretty okay also.

Except it was the first time I did aliran teks which basically means they gave us a picture of a brochure and we're supposed to rewrite in a prose form.

But I think I did pretty okay la for the paper.

Okay. Just came back from borrowing some books.

I don't know why I just can't seem to resist reading.

It's a habit I guess.

Nad was asking how the hell I find time to read what with all the work I have to do.

Well, its a habit for me to read at least 2 chapters of a book before I go to sleep each night.

And when I have nothing to do, I can spend hours reading. literally.

The librarian (I'm a little scared of her, but she's actually very nice. :) ) told me that it's a good habit to read all the time.

I guess for me, it comes naturally cos my entire family are avid readers.

of course my mum and dad read the religious books which I don't really touch cos I'm not ready for them yet.

If you come to my house, you'll see books everywhere.

The dining table is stacked with textbooks and papers cos that's where my sister and sometimes me, do work.

Near the TV, there's a whole bookshelf full of religious books, Quran, terjemahan of the Quran (in english,malay,bahasa indonesia,old english and chinese) times magazine, national geographic and photography and fishing magazines. (my dad used to be a photographer but he had to sell his camera. And he's a sea man at heart so he enjoys fishing.)

The coffee table has a malay kamus on it and an english-german dictionary and an english-malay dictionary. (no shit right)

And of course my parents have their own shelf in their room and so do me and my sister.

See, how can I resist the great pull of books?

It's where I escape to whenever things get too much, the literary world.

And such a wonderful world it is.

Cupid's got me in such a chokehold.

I'm struck by how much I actually love you.

It scares me.

How much you love me and how much I find myself loving you.

And I want you so bad it scares the shit out of me.

:)

you just asked, i said yes.

Till my heart is black and blue

I totally screwed the history paper up.

Couldn't remember most of the facts.

And when I do remember, I can't seem to organise them into a coherent answer.

Suffice to say, history is history for me.

Now I'm just counting on my malay and literature.

Tu dua jerr la yang aku harapkan.

Just imagine, I screwed it up so badly that I had time to write a few sajaks while trying to think of an adequate answer for the SEA essay.

sempat sak tulis sajak.

Fiqa was wondering how I could still be sufficiently jiwang during a freaking history paper.

haha.

Went back with shaf and farah.

We were damn happy because the new bustops right in front of the side gate just started functioning. :)

I still remembered how happy I was to drop at that stop on my way to school before the history paper.

It was raining damn heavily so I was thrilled at the fact that I won't get wet.

But then, the freaking gate had to be locked.

And no one had a freaking umbrella.

lucky for me, an auntie opened the gate for us.

If not I would have to make one full round in the rain.

Ahh, I'm sidetracking.

It's something I just do a lot.

haha.

basically, we went home and had lunch at CS.

Was going to check out prepaid cards so I can message my baby but decided against it.

I'm waiting for Saturday so that Bani can help me buy one and all after her shift ends at KFC.

I miss my baby.

ceh mine pe. padahal tak sia.

haha.

same boat kn shaf? :)

Dilah says that if you love someone once, you'll love them forever.

You said that to me too.

And its true.

Once you love someone, you'll always love them forever.

So until my heart is black and blue,

I will always love you.

I wish I may, I wish I might

So the MLEP camp was okay la.

Great to meet up with all the TPJC babes and lepak with them and the kambings in 34A.

The bengkel part was very dry but I still had laods of fun.

:)

And the campsite rocked!

Beds, air-con, power source, hot water, our own individual wardrobes etc.

So tk macam capsite langsung. haha

Obviously I didn't get much sleep.

The night before camp I was already talking to dilah so I slept about 1 hour shit only.

Then the first night, after the forum, I moved up to fiqa and shaf's room on the 3rd level.

So me and shaf left our stuffs there and moved down to Bani's room on the 1st level to lepak with her and asy.

I was damn sleepy so my face like stoink giler la and I was stoning most of the time.

at 1 plus me and shaf went back up to sleep.

And I slept for 4 hours.

The next day, during morning break, I moved my things to Bani's room cos there were like 3 empty beds.

Asy moved down also la.

That night, I lepak-ed with 34A.

Cikgu came at 1 plus and lepak-ed with us kejap.

Then me and Nad went back to my room (bani's room la actually) to sleep but nami called to say her room's totally empty and she takot tdo sendiri so me and nad moved up to sleep in her room.

Nad got another call from Khairin saying her room and Nazurah's room also empty so they slept with us.

I couldn't sleep so I called dilah and talked to her.

Ended up sleeping 1 hour before Nad dragged me to her bunk(which is like up a hill) at 6 in the morning to bathe.

So basically I had 6 hours of sleep in 3 days.

Which explains why I'm still kinda sleepy now.

I'm half-waiting for you to come online but the other half of me knows that you're not going to come online.

Looks like I'll only get to talk to you on monday when you msg me in the morning.

damn.

I miss you like shit.

*

Omg. Screw summer test.

What happened to her plan?

*

masih disini menantimu

berharap kau akan memikirkanku

masih disini menunggumu

menanti jawaban atas cintaku

masih disini menantimu

berharap cinta kita kan bersatu

masih disini menunggumu

menanti dirimu kembali

-disini untukmu, ungu

I'm so in love with their new song. :)

I'm meeting you in about 24 hours.

:)

Oh dear, this wasn't part of the plan.

Ice cold me isn't supposed to start melting right now.

This is so not in the script.

Bila emosi mengalahkan logika

Some of my indon relatives arrived from Jakarta yesterday.

Which would explain my indon mood right now.

Gahh. I love love love indon songs.

peterpan and nidji and samsons and ungu! :)

I'm watching ada apa dengan cinta on youtube.

Gahh. I really want to go back there.

I miss the people and their accents. I love indon accents.

And the food.the bakso. my god. delish.

The last time I went there was 3 years ago.

I wish I could make it for Fauzi's wedding in August but unfortunately I have school.

So sad.

Nevermind. I shall go back there soon. right dilah? :)

I totally forgot what I wanted to blog about.

Never mind. No matter.

I'll just blog about it when I can remember.

`I'm afraid to get hurt again.

`You are always gonna get hurt.

`Yeah doesn't mean it hurts any less.

`Chill. you have me. and everybody else.

*

Bila emosi mengalahkan logika, adakah aku yang rentan?

Show me something pretty

Why do you have to fight me on so many things?

Who are you to me?

From what realm of dreams?

From what abyss of nightmares?

What right have you?

Such an undomesticated angel, with no regard for earthly morality.

You get under my skin.

And I don't know why I let you.

Can you give me this?

*

If I asked you to show me something pretty, what will you show me?

Because your idea of pretty is so different from mine.

Dreams, sometimes, are rehearsals

*
`Who made love a heart without arteries and chambers?
`The same people who turned angels into harp-playing effete creatures in nightgowns, floating on clouds. The ones who domesticate the dangerous.

Sometimes, you just gotta wake up and realise that a dream is just a dream.

Something we wish to believe in so reality doesn't bite.

When are you gonna wake up?

It's just a dream.

Guys, don't try these on me.

"Is it hot in here or is it just you.?"


"Do you mind if I end this sentence with a proposition?"


"That outfit is horrible! take it off right now!"


"I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart."


"If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?"


"You must be a light switch baby, cos you turn me on"


"Baby I'm like Taco Bell...I'll spice up your night."


"Someone, pass the tartar sauce cos you're quite a catch!"


"Your lips look so lonely...Would they like to meet mine?"


"would you like gin and platonic or do you prefer scotch and sofa?"


"You're so hot, you must be the reason for global warming!"


"If you were the new hamburger, you'd be McGorgeous."


"You must be from Pearl Habour. Cos' you're the bomb!"


"If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?"


"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK"

Is it wrong to be a little shallow?

neurasthenia says:
gahh..he could have looked more like haqi
neurasthenia says:
what the hell
neurasthenia says:
i'm so shallow
neurasthenia says:
is that bad?
neurasthenia says:
but then again ____ wasnt cute and look where that got me
neurasthenia says:
so maybe i have to be shallow
neurasthenia says:
so that i dont get guys like him
neurasthenia says:
but then again guys like ____ dont come around every other week
neurasthenia says:
or maybe they do but i dont notice cos im too busy being shallow
neurasthenia says:
so does that mean i'm too shallow?
dilahhh says:
ure shallow
dilahhh says:
that's it
neurasthenia says:
so is that a good thing or a bad thing
neurasthenia says:
i mean why the hell prove the adage tha beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
neurasthenia says:
who came up with such a stupid adage anyway?
neurasthenia says:
like as if they themselves were not shallow
neurasthenia says:
honestly
dilahhh says:
chill
dilahhh says:
then dont fall for him
neurasthenia says:
im not even doing that!
dilahhh says:
right

Fata Morgana, a mirage of the looming effect

Finally watched pirates yesterday.

The characters were as lovable as always but I thought that it didn't really qualify as an apt last installment of the trilogy.

I felt that too much was going on, the plot wasn't as strong as the first two nor as simple.

Kinda reminds me of Harry Potter And the Order of The Phoenix.

Same thing really.

Vani's group is watching Shrek 3 this thursday.

I'm wondering whether I should follow.

Since they'll be in town, I can go study at the starbucks at paragon then meet up with them later.

hmm.

It's a mirage of the looming effect.

I see it in all its glory, distorted and magnified to resemble elaborate dreams.

Where be the reality?

Maybe its hidden in between the layers, intertwined.

There are so many things that I want to say to you.

But I don't know how.

I realised I never took any photos with him:

My dearest twin brother (almost) Fadly.

Haha. He'll kill me for posting that pic of him.

Too bad I didn't stay to give him a hug at abg zul's wedding.

And the next time I'll see him?

Probably closer to guess that it's not anytime soon.

Didn't we almost have it all?

Didn't we almost have it all?

That spark.

That instant moment when our bodies were reduced to nerve cells, the space between us merely a synapse.

And the electric impulse that shot from the very core of my heart, travelling through arteries and veins, until it reached the core of your own.

Just for that fraction of a second.

When all the movement in the world stopped, even the rotation of the planets.

And it was just you and me.

Didn't we almost have it all?

I spent yesterday at my grandmother's.

Mohsin and I had a nice talk.

It's a rare occasion when we can have an uninterrupted conversation and it is only possible when everyone else is too busy intermingling and catching up in the living room.

We started off talking about relationships and he was telling me about his.

And I found myself wishing I could have one such as his.

And that I would find someone to love as deeply as he loves her.

Then the conversation rolled around to fadly's family.

Or rather, what was left of it.

He started to waver then.

Unsure how to express what is on his mind even though he knew I already know what he wants to say.

He was telling me how he doesn't understand why fadly has to be so hesitant every time he calls my grandma's to talk to his father.

There was silence for a while before he said;

"He's lucky he still has both. And more importantly, he has memories of them. For me, if you ask me what it's like to live with your parents, I'd tell you I don't know. That I have no idea."

Before I could even reply, he continued in a somewhat flat tone.

"Ironically, both of them are still alive."

He raised his hand to tell me not to reply because he didn't want me to hear and see that side of him so I continued our discussion about fadly.

Naturally I was defensive of my almost twin brother, not because I condoned his behaviour.

But because I feel guilty that I couldn't be there for him even though I promised I always will.

It makes me sad to see him grappling with this new twist in his family structure and how he tries to find comfort.

I miss him like shit, that wild rebel bad ass boy who always never fail to tell me I look gorgeous even though I've got freaking deep eyebags under my eyes.

I wonder whether he's gonna visit during Rayer.

I hope he does cos I want to be selfish and hold on to him longer.

Remedy for pain 2

Remedy for pain 1

So what kind of person am I?

I reached home today in a total cranky mood.

1) cos it was due to sheer hunger.

2) well, i just was cranky.

Ate dinner and promptly fell asleep until round about 10.40 when danial msged me asking

for a coffee.

I was still half asleep to bother replying and I didn't and still haven't.

Feel a little bad but then again he knows that its not possible for me to go out at 11pm at night.

There are authorities in my life that will severely punish me if I do.

I suppose he thought that I was already outside so he could just pick me up and go for a nice cuppa somewhere.

Maybe another day.

I'm in the mood to stay up till late today.

Even though I'm still pretty sleepy.

I'm looking to finish up my gp essay and post a post on MLG before I study history.

But then again, the allure of settling down to watch a dvd is pretty tempting.

Hmm. maybe I shall go watch something later.

Wait. what the hell am I saying.

I should stop procrastinating.

one word : study.

Had emergenetics workshop today.Got to see all my 34a bitches. I missed them loads. :)Apparently we were told our thinking and behavioural preferences.I'm a right-brainer.

which means that I prefer creative expression, work that exposes me to a variety of stimuli, interaction with people and I don't enjoy rote-learning, I enjoy creative process, I'm imaginative, I likes the unusual, I solve problems intuitively, I enjoy helping others, I'm more emotional, sympathetic, intuitive about people etc.Hmm. nothing that I haven't already figured out.Whenever someone asks what type I am, I ask them to guess and they alwaysknow I'm a right-brainer.Okay maybe it's not that hard to figure out since I self-profess my love for shakespeare and chairil anwar and well basically literature.And also cos they've established that I'm a people person.

Which ties in to what I want to say next.I can't help being a people person cos it's in my nature, in my thinking style, my behavioural patterns as well as my personality.But sometimes, thare are drawbacks to being one.For me, it's 2nd nature to just feel for others.

The drawback to that is there are times when I forget to feel for myself because I'm too caught up in feeling for others.Also, people tend to tell me stuff that they will never tell anyone else.I don't mind this because I love listening and it makes me feel that I'm needed, which does well for my self-esteem when its at a low point.The drawback to that is the fact that I carry a lot in me.A lot of bits and pieces of everybody else.And my heart can get so heavy sometimes without me knowing exactly what it is that is making it so.Pain is something that I feel most of the time.Not merely my own pain.Just pain and hurt in general, from my own pain and hurt and also all the pain and hurt people pour out to me that I take it in.(I can't help doing this.)Obviously the drawback to that is the fact that I'm merely human and there will come a point when I cannot take the pain.When I think back, my self-mutilation was driven by the sole need of releasing some of this pain from inside me. Pain can become a lethal combination when your own's is mixed with others' and it just becomes this vortex of pain.Another major drawback is the fact that there are always moments when someone does something to me and I know that I would never do what they did to me, to them.

(I think only I would understand this. I just don't know how to express the thought properly. But it makes sense to me so yeah.)

hmm. I've been blogging much.

It's 12.49 right now.

There's nobody online right now.

Or rather, nobody that I fancy talking to.

dilah's not online.

Probably still asleep.

And to think I was pissed irritated annoyed a little peeved at her on my way home.

Heh. Did you know that?

You're such a fucker for canceling on me again (okay this is the point I start getting ranty in a dramatic way)

This is the third time we've arranged to watch pirates but it didn't happen.

I'm so desperate to watch it that I've offered to pay the extra charge for you if we watch it tomorrow.

It's a good deal okay.

Please, I'm begging you, be free real soon.

I don't want to miss it.

And be warned eh, if I do miss it, you can predict what will happen.

Fi will just go giler babi.

(which you want to see BUT don't test it out with pirates okay)

Hrmph.

I still love you though you bodofuck.

*

The price to pay for an adrenaline rush is that you get annoying fuckers as well.

For one more day

I went back to TKGS with dilah and bani to get our O Level certs.

It was kinda lucid, sitting there on number 10, going back to school

Watching the scenery pass me by.

I realise that some things never change.

How some of the houses look exactly the same

But yet, here and there, something is unfamiliar to me or maybe I just never noticed their existence.

I horribly miss those days back in TKG.

to put it crudely, I miss it like fuck.

I'm not sure exactly what I miss about it.

I just miss the whole TKGian experience.

The atmosphere.

The environment.

The people.

The friends I've made and the people that have been in my life for 4 years running.

When I think back, I'm struck by how long ago it was.

7 months, give or take, since the end of school and the end of O levels.

How time really cheats you and flies by without you realising it.

Right now, I'd give anything just for one more day back in TKG.

I couldn't find photos my NINERS.

But I found photos of 2e3. which I love equally as much, if not more. :)

And the school itself.

On the bus home

grim reapers at the 2004 cross country

Shopping after school

Hanging out at the corridor, scenes from another life

The last day of school, 2004

2e3 '04

*

I called your name but you turned away.

Just call my name

*
Just call my name
You'll be okay



I have extremely sweet friends. and I love love love all of them to bits and pieces. :)


"aku kan ader." (2 people said this to me in the space of 2 days)


"I'm glad I have you."


"I think if you're not in lit and history, I'll have a breakdown."


"Don't worry I'm here for you."


"aku worried jerr"


"if your feeling like shit, don't worry shit companion here."


"I got your back babe."


"Just call my name and I'll be there"


"I'm here. was here. is here. and will continue to be here."

My Plan

I just need to write this down and place it here.

My plan for the holidays are as follows;

05 -07th June:

-complete GP essay, draft a response from the outline that is already done

-annotate and highlight The Guide based on lit lecture notes already provided

-come up with code and riddle in iambic pentameter for PW

08-18th June:

-Practice maths

-Study history

note: alternate between maths and history in a single day;

12 pm: maths

2 pm: break for lunch until 3 pm

3 pm: history

5 pm: maths

6 pm: break for dinner until 8pm

8 pm: maths

10 pm: break until 11 pm

11 pm: history

1 am: break until 2 am

2 am: history

continue history until around 3 am

18- 19th June:

-revise for sastera and malay karangan

- go through lit, analyse the book more deeply

20-22nd June:

-MLEP Camp

23rd June:

-Revise all subjects, look through important keypoints

24th June:

-Revise history, important key points and case studies

25th June:

-Revise Malay Lit and read through lit

26th June:

-revise lit and go through maths concepts again

Throughout:

-read lit notes in The Guide, everynight before going to sleep

- collect 20 articles for gp

There's still hope for you and me

I haven't been doing much work as of the last week.

Partly because the whole week before the last exhausted and drained me to the point that I still felt the strain all throughout last week.

Last week just seemed to flit pass without me noticing it.

It started slow enough with the MLU seminar which took up two days.

So there goes Monday and Tuesday.

Wednesday was spent out running around Marsiling Secondary School and the Sheng Siong at Woodlands with Nad and Liyana for PW.

That same Wednesday was also the day that I was supposed to watch POTC with Dilah but the poor dear had fever so it was canceled.

(ironically, now we find it almost impossible to arrange a time to catch the movie. Blame it all on the hectic schedules of JC and Poly life. or rather, the differences in the schedules.)

I can't remember what I did for Thursday, I only know it was Vesak day.

Friday I didn't go to school, reasons only god and me knows. (as well as those select few who know me well enough)

And then there was the TPJC Manifestasi.

Bani was damn good as the karut. Good job babe!

As you can see, I didn't really get down to much work.

I have no idea why I seem to be tired all the time, how I crave for sleep.

The best thing is I haven't had coffee for ages so maybe I'd have to start drinking it early in the mornings just to keep me up longer at night.

Yet, Ilham says I don't get enough sleep. (well actually everybody says that).

The thing I can't figure out is what the hell I do until late at night that, I don't get enough sleep.

Probably cos' my insomnia's starting to get worse now and I can spend an entire hour tossing and turning, trying to sleep but failing spectacularly.

I feel myself panicking slightly (okay.maybe more than slightly) everytime I think of the coming end of the holidays.

Summer tests are coming up and god, I am so unprepared for it.

I'm not worrying too much about Lit at the moment, I'm thinking more of History and Maths.

The thing is, I really wished I knew how to make myself like both the subjects, just so I'd have as much passion for them as I do for Lit and thus be motivated to study for them.

I don't know when I started developing an allergy to History.

Maybe from all the times I missed school due to that on again off again fever I keep having that somehow just hit dates with History tutorials and lectures in the timetable.

I know for a fact that if I tried and studied really hard, I can do fairly well in History.

It's just that I have this this aversion to it.

To make the situation a little worse, after close scrutinization of my exam timetable, I realised that the History paper is on the first day of the Summer Tests.

Gahh. It's utterly frustrating when you have to do something you abhor dislike.

Still, I know I'm just gonna have to take a deep breath, grit my teeth and just go right ahead and open the History book.

Otherwise, I'm never going to finish 32 lectures in 15 or so days.

And I'm thinking for maths, I'll have to get someone to teach me the basics.

I was thinking of getting Nad to teach me after school one day this week so I can go home and study for Maths on my own.

I have no idea what's coming out for Malay Lit so I'm going to just put it aside for now.

As for Lit, I still have to finish annotating my book and I'll have to go through it all again. (I love lit! haha. such beauty)

And not to forget, the code and riddle in iambic pentameter that I have to come up with for PW.

And the typing of all the Minutes of Meetings with edits and all.

As well as editing anything that any of my group members come up with after they're done.

Gahh. SO much to do. and so little time.

Nami was telling me during Lit lecture that she feels scared for the Summer Tests.

Hey babe, I'm scared too.

So no worries, we can be scared together. :)

We can do this!!

There's still hope for you and me.

If you knew your way to the light

12.27. I'm sleepy but I'm in the mood to stay up late tonight.Maybe try push it all the way till 5 in the morning like how I used to back in the holidays.The house is getting all quiet now.

Everyone's going off/gone to sleep and my dad's still out at work.I like the quiet. It's deafeningly peaceful.

Today was the first time I went to an Indian wedding.It's an elaborate affair full of tradition.I was trying to see the ceremony up front but an annoying pillar was blocking my view andI gave up after craning my neck for a while.The food was pretty good.I've got nothing much to say about the wedding since we only stayed for a bit.My dad offered to take us to Mustafa Centre and go shopping.I agreed wholeheartedly to his generous offer since offers like that don't come around that often and I'm in serious need of new jeans.All the ones I have are dropping off me with only 1 that I'm able to fit in nicely without it falling off me every few seconds.But the plan was changed(cos its a Saturday night) and we went home instead.

"Takdir mempunyai susunan peristiwa yang lain daripada logika biasa."

[Fate has its own plan of events that is against all logical reasoning. my translation's a little off though. sorry.]

It's so true how fate always has a different plan, a different design that it follows.And always, fate's plan is outside the grasp of our logic.I guess it's one of the idiosyncrasies of Life.How we plan and plan and yet nothing ever comes out of it.And the things that do, they are always something we never expected.And they almost always never make sense.It's sad sometimes how we plan and chart the course of our future only to have it all snatched away a mere second later.And then our lives take another turn and like it or not, we're forced to continue our journey on this new route.One that may not be what we wanted in the first place, one which we might abhor.But Life's like that.It throws you out the door and bangs it shut, only to have another door open up for you.Sometimes, when we see what's on the other side of that new door, we become more content, more settled, more at peace with ourselves.Yet on other times, what's on the other side of that new door terrifies us until we are paralysed with fear and we stay, stagnant on the threshold, hoping life will reverse itself.

I finally got over my writer's block.And I wrote another sajak few minutes ago.Posted it up on my other blog.It's more on the rambling side, meaning I have no idea where it came from.Still, it's nice whenever I get some of the thoughts out of my head.It feels a little less cramped.For now that is.