It's okay not to be

Nothing all that interesting happened today.

Except me going accompanying Sue to the airport to go the doctor.

Initially wanted to study there but I abandoned the plan.

Went home and caught up with a little Super Junior before maths.

Was too lazy to backlog all the 10 pages I missed thus far since Sunday.

(I'm actually surprised the number didn't jump higher.)

And now, my brain cells are all relatively fried thanks to maths.

I stopped half way cos I had no idea what in the world I was doing. -_-

"I need not describe the feelings of those whose dearest ties are rent by that most irreparable evil, the void that presents itself to the soul and the despair that is exhibited on the countenance. It is so long, before the mind can persuade itself that she whom we saw everyday and whose very existence appeared a part of our own, can have departed forever - that the brightness of a beloved eye can have been extinguished, and the sound of a voice so familiar and dear to teh ear can be hushed, never more to be heard."

-Mary Shelly, Frankenstein

Beautiful.

That is really raw pain at its most primary form.

I'm currently reading Frankenstein as you can probably already guess. (squeezing in some time a day to do so)

Gotta find some form of escapism in a created and imagined world so that all these, the bits and pieces that make up my life, will seem shadowless by comaprison.

So that it all gets clearer, even if that clear moment lasts only a mere fraction of a second.

It doesn't matter cos I get taken away anyway.

Wouldn't it just be great if life provided a backspace button?

Then we can all erase all the moments that make us who we are and rewrite them so that we become who we can be.

Sure, I've got things I want to erase.

Things that I'm ashamed to have done.

Things that have disillusioned me and things that have brought me crashing down to reality.

I want to be that shade of perfect.

But, if I erase these moments, there'll be nothing left and I'll just be an empty shell.

We can't possibly erase or take back anything.

There is no backspace button.

Fact is, all those moments? the ones that break your spirit and take away your hope?

they define who we are.

They define who I am now.

Sure, I'm not that shade of perfect.

But I've learnt the hard way that, it's okay not to be.

Super pic spam

Since I'm done with my work and I'm damn bored and with nothing to do, I'm going to pic spam a bit.

Was actually thinking of dedicating one to donghae alone but I'm too lazy to sift through all the pictures I have of him.

So it's a mini super show pic spam.

Not going to post all the pics I got, it's too much of a long wait.

haha.

I have no idea what's up with siwon's pose. he looks like he's calling for a dog to come over. -_-.

Super junior!!


This was when the fans sang for the boys marry u and teukie was crying.
I swear he can look so perfect when he's crying, its almost unreal. haha.

Kim Kibum with scruff! he looks more manly now. and still can't help but love that smile. :)

I'm actually quite liking his scruff. heh. looks good on him. He looks hotstuffs. :)

Heechul and his red hair. He is such a pretty boy! really. He has nice features and all that. I'm actually jealous. haha.

Choi Siwon=damn hot Zorro!

I like his smile too. :)

But I love his smile the best. :)

I think I'll let you stay a while

So I had 'work' just now.

It's really more of a volunteer tingy, mentoring primary school kids.
Had to wake up real early and travel all the way to the other end of the island for it.
But it was worth it really.
Since today was the first session, it was a little messy but overall, I like it. :)
Took care of the pri 5 kids. Fiqa took the guys and I took the girls.
Taught them a bunch of random things since I have no idea what is their syllabus yet.
Gave out some tips and taught some alternative maths methods.
(yeah maths. thank god its pri sch maths. if not, I think I'm dead. haha)
Gotta go scout for worksheets and fun stuff for them to do next week.
Maybe after I'm done studying for tonight.

To you, thanks for teman-ing me for a while today.

Sorry you got caught in the rain on the way home.

Shouldn't have "crashed" your car anyway. -_-

I've been seeing you quite a bit recently.

I haven't decided if its a good thing or a bad thing yet.

We'll just see how it goes.

Oh, and I'm quite excited cos I have a feeling I'll make someone's day tomorrow.

:)

[Edit: Ilham is classic. He was telling me working at the CC was good since we get an allowance and all that and he likes it etc etc. then he goes on to say the only disadvantage is that he's missing spongebob at 9.30 -_-]

SJ spazz session 2

Tvants is really no help at all.

I gave up with it cos other than me not understanding a single chinese word the host said, I couldn't hear a thing except 1 line of haengbok. (i think it was. -_- )

Watched some fancams and I'm reading the thread. haha.

Luckily I did much studying yesterday so I can afford to slack a teeny bit today.

:)

I'm truly sorry for those who think I'm crazy but you'll just have to bear with me.

And dilah, I love you for layaning all my super junior talks and sitting down with me to watch them. really. thanks.

Okay. I'm officially done Super Junior-ing today.

Everything under 2 hours. Must be a record. :)

And since I posted donghae singing, I thought I'd post videos of other voices in Suju that I love.

I feel pity for the silent readers who read this. haha.

Heechul! I love his voice too. still can't beat donghae's but still nice. :) His hair is back to this colour for Super Show. -_-. I miss his short, black hair already. He looks cuter. Still, at least he can pull off the red hair. heh.

Hot, gentlemanly siwon. Dilah, for you. hahahah. -_-. His voice is third on my list. :)

And this is a fancam from the 1st super show. I think the elf that took it must be a yesung fan cos she just focused on him. The other boys were around the stage somewhere. I particularly found this damn touching cos the whole stadium actually sang Marry U to the boys. And I don't particularly favour yesung but I was touched at his show of emotion. Supur Junior, hwaiting!!

You're never ready to catch me

you whispered a promise sealing it with heartbeats
you whispered a brand, my name among it's seams
only to have them branded empty again
erased, "let's begin on another new slate"
I ask, if this is love, then what's that hurt?
I ask, if this is happiness, then what's that pain?
but because I let trust fall into what you said,
belief is held true, because you told me to
and all along irony is laughing,
cos its still the same old words you say,
- you'll chase me to the ends of the world
but you're never ready to catch me, you let me slip away

-shaeira




today marks 1 week that you slipped away, yet again.
I still marvel at your callous ease.


Maybe next time, chase me only if you're ready to catch me.


You can take a leaf out of boy's book. He's been ready to catch me for a long time.
Boy, maybe one day soon okay? I'm sorry.


P.S. Boy, let's go down that winding road. I wanna catch the sun. And I wanna watch the stars. :)

Because they can make me smile

I'm supposed to be asleep right now.

Got to wake up early again tomorrow for work at Bukit Batok CC. -_-

I'm kinda tired cos I had a really really long day just now.

Went for flag day with the babes but we slacked at jia's house most of the given time period.

Then we went off to AMK Hub cos vani needed to get a present.

Walked around until 3 plus where some of them had a late lunch.

Then me and loves decided to go study at the airport.

stayed in Bk until about 8?

Oh and I met Asy! :)

I'm missing the TK babes. catch up real soon k. after block test? :)

then I crashed dilah's house until 12.15. hahaha.

I'm in a good mood cos I read a teeny bit about the Super Show again.

Refrained myself from reading past 2 pages cos if not I'll never sleep.

OH MY GOD. I just read that they might be coming to Singapore.

As in here! accessible Singapore!

:) :) :)

That made my day. :)

I'm hoping it gets confirmed. please please. Cos I so badly want to go.

I've already seen ungu live and ungu rocked btw, so now I wanna see Super Junior love! and donghae of course!! :)

haha.

I told myself I won't spazz out in this post but erm, I think I just can't help it. heh.

That's Lee Donghae singing you don't miss your water. His english pronounciation is not too bad really. Just a little off here and there. And his voice is such love. <3

And this is too cute for me not to put up. :) he was singing santa clause is coming to town. As always, his voice is such love. <3>

just because they can make me smile.

:)

There's times when I miss you

I'm widely awake right now cos I took a short nap which ended way later.

Gotta leave early for a flag day tomorrow.

Probably going to study after that then rush home and check whether the 2nd Super Show can be heard live again today.

I installed Tvants for that purpose. -_-.

Hopefully they do a live streaming again. heh.

I read the SJ thread and people are all saying how great the concert was.

Sucks that I can't go watch them. :(

Apparently they performed lots of songs.

And kibum had a solo (I wanna hear!) and donghae sang 98 degrees's my everything.

And donghae and siwon and some other boys did sexy back!! whee.

If SM comes up with a concert dvd, I'm so getting it. hope they do. they must. :)

Am I peeved now?

Yeah. greatly.

thanks for killing my mood so fucking early in the morning.

Is it so hard?

apparently it is.

Whatever.

Thanks for making my day and then ruining it.

Nadia, I'll catch up with you soon k babe.

Miss you too.

Hope you're doing okay there. Been ages since I last saw you.

Sorry I wasn't all talking and catching up the last time.

I can't believe you're redoing your A's again.

You're crazy I think.

Study date with me soon k. :)

P.S: Boy, after you read this, call me up soon.

I need a proper sane person to talk to.

The sky's getting lighter again

It's thursday and I'm giving myself a good chance to wind down a bit since I don't really have homework to finish by tomorrow.

It's been one hell of a week.

Literally.

I think monday and tuesday were my punishment for putting on that veener all the time.

You know, the one that's a see through mask.

I'm sure it was pretty obvious to everybody else I was going to lose it soon but no, super girl me still insisted on being supergirl and kept denying the fact that sometimes, supergirl needs someone to save her too.

Dante says there's 9 circles of hell.

I agree with Jodi Picoult though. There should be 10. the last one for those that lie to themselves.

So I guess, I got my due time in the 10th circle of hell those 2 days.

Gotta thank the people that matter.

Kak ann as always, for pushing me back on the right path and showing me that maybe, just maybe, there is something worth it at the end of all this.

Cintaaa for listening. for being there. for so many things I can't even begin to express.

You're really too special and if I lose you, it'll really suck like fuck. (hahahah. i know you'll get this one. heh. wtf)

and all my other loves, (special mention goes out to Md. Baihaqi Ilham for generously offering me your shoulder to cry on. Sorry I ruined your shirt. again. and thanks for skipping school cos you know I needed the company.) for the care and the concern and for not pushing it when you can sense I don't want to be pushed.

thank you and I love you and I'll be okay so no worries okay? :)

I don't really want to get into detail on what happened etc etc.

Just enough to say that I got out of the house on Tuesday and let myself chill a little.

Watched P.S I love You and it made me laugh and smile.

( I wish and hope for love like that.

The kind that overcomes Death itself. The kind that's for eternity and for always. )

And then had lunch date with kak ann.

That's about it.

No revelations, no transmigration of any kind.

Just me, stripped of the concrete shell I hide under, and forced to pick myself up.

It's not easy really. It sucks every step of the way when you've let yourself crash down to such a point where you can't see the sky anymore.

I got warned plenty on that by kak ann.

thus, I'm taking it damn slow these days.

Doing things one day at a time.

thinking about things one thing at a time.

It helps me to focus more on the stuff that really matter.

right now, I'm still having difficulties breathing but I know I'll get through this and that it'll all be okay soon.

On a sidenote, I really miss myself at 15.

back when I was still young and carefree,

back when things were all black and white,

back when I was still mummy's girl (I miss being that the most. Mummy, come back to me.) ,

back when I was still naive enough to believe in fairytales and happy endings.

If you ask me now, I'd tell you fairytales are just mere works of fiction and therefore unreal, and happy endings are just scripted for movie screenplays.

[Edit: My cat is fucking annoying me right now. He's making a huge mess out of my already messed up room because he apparently wants to make an obstacle course for himself with me shouting at him as background noise of course. He seems to love annoying the shit out of me, thanks fyrus! seriously. And izzy keeps splotching her blood all over my table and my books. honestly. Thank god wira is still relatively sane. But that's probably cos he's too lazy to do anything else]

Switching off

If you're wondering why my posts are getting increasingly moody/emo/depresses/melancholic/sad/dark etc,
it's cos I really am too drained to put up a facade anymore.
So it's just the way it is.

I keep thinking the whole day where to go and who to call.
I couldn't think of anywhere or anyone that can relatively and literally keep me safe.
I don't think I still qualify to go back to the sunshine childrens ward since that was 2 years ago.
I have no idea how to contact mrs Y since that was also 2 years ago and I don't really qualify to book an appointment with her either.
I also can't go to see my doc since its a long time ago and besides, I don't have cash.

In the end, I sent kak ann an sos.
she called.
I cried.
But I still couldn't bring myself to tell her.
Maybe tomorrow when I meet her for lunch.
sigh. I'm betting it's gonna really suck for me.

And I know that I'll have a lot to answer for when I go back to school.
I think I'm already resigned to accept the consequences as they come.
I honestly can't really be bothered right now.
It's not that I don't want to.
It's just that I'm really tired of pretending.
If you ask me,
Yes I'm a huge mess right now.
I'm just switching off.

Can somebody tell me it'll get better?

It's 3.15 in the morning and I'm still up and struggling to do my history essay.

Well, struggling is just a nicer way of putting it.

I'm in need of my old life support systems.

I'm in need of my daily dose of prozac.

I'm in need of my SI kit.

I'm in need of my mummy.

Can anyone just tell me that it'll get better soon?

Cos for the life of me, I can't see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Right now, I just want to go back to UK and relive that 12 days over and over and over again.

Actually, anywhere else except here is good enough.

Cry

I'm not the type to get my heart broken,
I'm not the type to get upset and cry,
'Cause I never leave my heart open,
Never hurts me to say goodbye,
Relationships don't get deep to me,
Never got the whole in love thing,
And someone can say they love me truely,
But at the time it didn't mean a thing.


My mind is gone,
I'm spinnin' round,
And deep inside,
My tears I'll drown,
I'm losin' grip,
What's happenin'?
I stray from love,
This is how I feel.


This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.


Did it happen when we first kissed?
'Cause it's hurtin' me to let it go,
Maybe 'cause we spent so much time,
And I know that it's no more,
I shoulda never let you hold me baby,
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart,
I didn't give to you on purpose,
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart.


My mind is gone,
I'm spinnin' round,
And deep inside,
My tears I'll drown,
I'm losin' grip,
What's happenin'?
I stray from love,
This is how I feel.


This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.


How did I get here with you I'll never know,
I never meant to let it get so personal,
And After all I tried to do,
Stay away from lovin' you,
I'm broken hearted,
I can't let you know,
And I won't let it show,
You won't see me cry.


This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.


All my life!

My heart remembers you faster?

And here you are, once again, out of nowhere.

Why now, when there's no more traces of you in my mind?

When you are dead to me in name?

Yet, my heart will always be the one that betrays.

It's true then what they say.

As compared to my mind, my heart remembers you faster.

How can it be that you can just re-enter my life with such callous ease?

And even more so, how can it be that I still have the capacity to let you do so?

How can it be that my heart still skips that alternate beat, although now its laced with pain.

How can it be that I still hear this teeny voice telling me this time may be different from all the other times?

But then, how can it be different? when you're still telling me things that can so easily be swallowed up by the air again?

Believing you would be a foolish move on my part.

But not believing in you will kill my already castrated heart.

That's me in the corner

I just got back from nad's house about an hour or so ago.

it's 11.30 now and I still haven't done any homework whatsoever. -_-

Yes. The procrastinating disease struck me pretty hard over the CNY break.

I didn't do anything really.

Just sit around, read a couple of books and had super junior marathons practically every day.

Oh and I spent half the time trying to restore my cocked up internet system.

tsk. my comp is dying soon and I'm dreading the moment.

I realised I've watched almost every super junior show I can possibly watch.

I've watched full house. not once but twice. I've watched all the available ehb episodes.

I've watched mystery 6. I've watched their mini dramas. and I'm now in the process of watching adonis camp and rewatching ehb. :) :)

oh and that's not counting the other random videos of them; live performances, music videos, apperances on YSMM and other variety shows, and other random bits here and there.

HAHA.

I'm crazy.

:)

I should really go do my work.

-_-

I'd freeze you at that moment

I feel like being random and retrospective at the same time.

Somehow there's benefits in being both right now.

It's to keep me continuously numb so I don't think about what's happening and miss cinta to much. She's in M'sia and I feel a bit empty without her to irritate me. Especially after she spent last Wednesday listening to me babble about how it's all piercing shards now.

We saw fireworks when it was 12am, from my bedroom window too.

Pretty interesting. haha.

There's a lot of food on the kitchen table now.

My grandma came over from a birthday party and she brought lots of good stuff with her.

Nuggets, crabsticks, samosa, popiah rolls, karipaps, cheese macaroni, fried bee hoon, grilled stingray, sambal goreng and a box of chocolate cake and brownies.

I didn't really eat all that much though.

Haven't been having much of an appetite lately.

I amused myself after eating a bit of mac and cheese, by feeding fyrus some chocolate cake.

He liked it and kept asking me for more.

Honestly, what does he not like? haha.

And afie told me she forgot to pass me my UK pics dvd when the three of us went to the museum last wednesday.

(truthfully, I'm kind of apprehensive about watching it. cos I know it'll just make me sad and miss UK more.)

It was real fun actually.

Didn't have time to go through every single sculpture though. :(

and we missed the themed tour on mythical greek gods and goddess. :(

Still it was fun! :)

There were some korean tourists there too. I recognised the language but I had no idea what they were saying.

Sue understood though. tsk. I really have to go learn hangul after A's.

Probably going again next wednesday so we can make the tour. haha.

Still not confirmed though since sue has to see whether she's going for touch and afie can't join cos she has soccer practice. :(

I was just thinking about how all the three trips that I went to at the end of last year all made a different impact on my life.

Pahang taught me that I can accomplish even the most impossible if I put my heart into it.

However, I can't do it alone and I'll need people to help and support me along the way.

In a way, Pahang instilled back the half-dying spirit inside me.

KL.

Well, to be honest, other than giving me the love of another set of parents, it hasn't really given me anything.

Not that I didn't have fun there. I did.

It's just that it's becoming more and more apparent that the trip was more of a hindrance than a help, because it unleashed the cruelty of politics into well-built friendships.

It left me and everyone else displaced.

I don't think it's just me.

For the record, it sucks.

And UK.

truly, it has somehow given me so much.

I went there with total strangers who've really become dear friends.

And somehow, 12 mere days on such a foreign country changed something in me forever.

And I can't even get started on how much I miss it.

Every day, almost all of the minutes. It's like an ache that's just there, hidden beneath and resurfaces everytime I let my guard down.

If I had a choice, I'd freeze time when I was still there.

And I'd freeze the people in my life that have mattered most, at the time when they meant the most to me, when they've made the most impact on my life.

And then I'll bring them with me, back to the time I freezed in UK so I'll get the best exerience life has given me with the best experiences people in my life has given me.

I'd freeze my mum, my dad, my sister and my grandma, for every single day and for always. because they're the one constant in my life that has never and will never change. For the record, mummy, I miss you.

kak ann, I'd freeze you for that time you saved me in 2006. and for the times you spent,curled up on my bed, listening to me. and for always.

abg wan, I'd freeze you when you visited me at the hospital and told me you'd be there for me forever if that is how long it will take for me to pick myself up.

nikki, I'd freeze you for all the number 10 bus rides and for all the late night phonecalls and for all the 4 years, minus the downside.

dilah, I'd freeze you for that time in kfc, all the sleepovers and 3 hour phonecalls. and for all the times afterwards up till today.

farhan, I'd freeze you when you stayed up with me throughout the night even though we were strangers and you didn't know me,just because you thought someone should. and I'd freeze you for all the times you made me laugh at night and for all the times you just magically understood.

haqi, I'd freeze you when you let me cry and fall asleep on your shoulder and for still patiently waiting even though you deserve someone worth waiting for.

34A, I'd freeze us when we were still complete and whole and together.

shaf, I'd freeze you for the 15 mintues daily corridor talks. and for the times at the airport. mostly, for all the times before I lost you.

li, I'd freeze you for all the times you were unselfishly there for me. especially throughout the time my heart got broken in july. and for all the times you've been a pillar of support I could lean on.

naz, I'd freeze you for all the times you understood. for all the times, you listened. and for all the times you were willing to save me. over and over again.

nad, I'd freeze you for that time in the library when you sat there with me and listened to me talk. and for all the times you made me realise how lucky I am to merit such frienship even though our differences can be the death of us.

kakhai, I'd freeze you for that time at the end corridor on that particular wednesday when you realised I needed finding. and for that time on the bus and in macs and for all the times you've been there for me. even though sometimes you needed someone there for you too.

Sadly, life doesn't work that way.

And I can't freeze anything.

Not time, not the moment, not the people.

truly, the only thing constant is change.

If it's going to be this way...

I used to say that the only reason I go to school is for lit (not because I like the subject or the tutor or whatever. but because of my love of the language and literature in general) and for 34A, my beloved CG, my comrades in arms, my friends, my brothers and sisters from different mothers.

Now, I'm just going to school for the sake of it.

Not for lit anymore, not for studies whatsover.

And sadly, not for the same brothers and sisters that I've been through hell and back with.

I'm just going through the motions for the sake of whatever little its worth.

And if my one and only solid and constant rock in school (be it studies or other things), the same rock that I can always count on to never change, my Epsilon minus moron, quits or withdraws, then I'm going as well.

There's really no reason else for me to stay.

What's there left anyway?

When it's all broken into fragmented pieces.

nawa kyolhone julrae?

Been wanting to post this up for some time.

It's super junior "proposing" in lieu of their mini Marry U concert.

They're super sweet. :)

My favourite is sungmin's! damn sweet. :)

"If I have lived my life for myself so far, then from now on, I want to live for you" -siwon. Haha. His is so dramatic in a way but that's just him. Doing everything with feeling. haha. He seems more endearing as I continue watching them. :)

"You said before that you love me more. I thought about it and I feel bad. Will you give me some more time? I will prove to you that I love you more. You have to stay by my side until then." - sungmin. *melts* so utterly sweet. :) He's not really one of my favourites but he has his random cute moments. haha.

"But compared to my mind, my heart remembers you faster."-heechul. He's really one of a kind. He's overtly frank and can be harsh at times, but he still has a soft side. And he's one hell of a joker.Always making me laugh whenever I watch him. :) Although I bet it takes a lot of patience to go out with a guy like him. -_-. haha.

"Are you disappointed that its only ramen? Ramen is the only thing that I can cook well. But do you know the one thing that I do best in this world? It's loving you." -eeteuk. :) He can be such a sweet dork. (actually they all can -_- ) and his laugh is damn adorable. oh and must remember the dimple! :)

My favourite donghae was being -_-. His is so random. :) and kibum's was classic. Just play the piano and then stop suddenly and ask "will you marry me?" haha! If I was the girl, confirmed I'll be like so terperanjat sia. lol.

They are really such loves. :)

Super Junior, saranghae! <3

Revelations of the worst kind

It's been a while.
Everytime I've wanted to say something here, it gets lost the next moment.
Anyway, here's a summary of last week.
(I think my blog will be permanently based on summaries of the past weeks -_-)
Monday: nothing very much significant happened in terms of emotional roller coasters.
Had the Bangsawan workshop though and it was pretty fun even though I realise I looked like a stiff robot while doing the dayang tarian. and that's why I'm never in dances. haha.
Tuesday: I was already burnt out. Screwed up my lit test etc etc. refer to my last post l k.
Wednesday: my 45 minute date with mr probability went better than I expected even though he asked some questions that just confuzzled me. Oh, and I reaffirmed my status as a member of the loser club when me and nami had this super loser moment. shall not repeat what it was to not rub in the fact anymore. Just think of reading the timetable wrongly and walking out of the right lecture hall. -_-".
Thursday: I took a break from school cos the stress and all that was really getting to me. it still is getting to me. and the doctor didn't really help at all.
Friday: I finally passed a maths test. :) and then I panicked cos I realised I have a shit load pile of work to catch up on and do. Went home with sue again and we sent afie to the mrt station. haha. our weekly friday lunch time seems to be not materialising. tsk. I miss the london babies laaa. and I miss england so damn much. I think I may have left part of my heart there.. Like scattered all around the places we went to. -_-
Saturday: Sucked. and dilah love, thank you so very much. for that day and for always.
Sunday: celebrated my dad's birthday by ordering in kfc. wasn't as nice though. was quite disappointed actually.


And so today is a new week.
I wouldn't say its the best start of the week I've had thus far.
In terms of academics, its been pretty smooth sailing.
Meaning, no outbursts from any teachers and no major information overload from history like always. maths was confusing but still manageable. malay lit was like normal and I'm pretty happy with my essay results thus far. hope the test next week goes as smoothly.
Basically, I didn't have it that hard for academically inclined matters.

It's another thing for the other part.
I guess to sum up, the day was built upon revelation after revelation.
It'll be too blunt to state what these are so its just enough to say that they've somewhat aversely affected me to an extent.
Its ironic that the thing I'm trying so hard to run away from and save myself from is staring me directly in the eye.
My trained eye can't help but be drawn to it because as much as I hate to admit it, a huge part of me misses that addictive touch.
I hate to be the one observing such destructive damage on people I love and care for.
I guess, hypocritically, if its me, that makes it all okay.

And then right about a few minutes ago, I realised how past revelations of secrets can actually come up to backfire on you.
Yes I feel the sting and yes I wish I can take back whatever I said so you didn't have to hear it.
But life just isn't built that way.I said it and you heard it and now its secretly drawing a line between us.