Paradigm Shift

This whole week has been pure CRAP.

Gemilang rehearsal everyday until 9pm.

The stress kept on mounting along with the homework assigned.

I took a day off from school on Tuesday to rest and clear my mind and catch up on homework.

Coincidentally, fiqa, nami and shaf also didn't go to school.

We were all just so sick and tired of everything and anything to do with gemilang and school.

Dilah came over to keep me sane while I did my work.

The next day in school, a day before the actual gemilang date, I was suddenly assigned the last minute task of assistant to Aisyah for ushering.

Meaning to say Cikgu relayed info to me and I was supposed to pass it all to Aisyah.

I was pretty okay with it since I knew all the ex-co members were stressed up.

So I passed on the info and gemilang rehearsal went quite smoothly compared to other rehearsals.

Then the big day arrives.

Everyone was tired and stressed up.

When the whole thing started, I helped Aisyah do the usher briefing and all that.

Somehow, I got roped in to becoming a runner and found myself running up and down the school.

Last minute change of plans was frustrating and confusing.

And my phone decided it was the right time to screw up.

After running about, I honestly thought I was quite free and started to ease up from all the pressure and tension and just be prepared to collect the results from the judges and pass it all to Cikgu Ali in the staff room. (which means more running)

Then somehow, I found myself becoming the stage manager after Cikgu Hani asked me something and then we realised that the whole programme was 20 minutes too fast.

So then began this whole section of trying to stall time and diffrent opinions and miscommunications made everything worse.

So I was running about like a mad person, up and down LT3, trying to ignore the stares of all the peple in the LT and on the verge of a complete breakdown.

Thank god Nazurah was such and angel and she abandoned her post to keep me calm and sane while I tried to keep it all under control.

And Cikgu Hani's calm-ness helped the ex-co members and me keep our heads about.

Soon, the whole thing was over.

The relief I felt when the whole thing was over can't be described.

Shoutouts:

Dilah: Thanks so much for keeping me sane on Tuesday and picking up your phone when I needed to de-stress. I owe you. Thanks.

Nazurah: Thanks for keeping me sane during the whole gemilang and for abandoning your post to keep me calm. Thanks for fanning me with air and telling me to relax whenever I got a lashing. Thanks also for being my remembral when I couldn't even remember anything anymore.

Hajar: Thanks for feeling the way I feel and stressing together over it and willing to get shot down with me. You rock girl!

Khairin: Thanks for listening to me talk and being there with me when you saw I was a total wreck. Thanks for wiping away my sweat and the tears forming in my eyes with your towel.

Nadiah: Thanks for offering to be there and listen and lend your shoulder to cry on when I was in need of one. You rcok la babe!

To everyone else, thank you so much. You're all my darling angels and I am so glad god graced me woth your prescence.

The ropes are frayed now

I've been so busy that I have no time to socialise.

Other than the classmates I see everyday, I haven't been meeting up with anyone.

There are days when I honestly feel that I've lost touch with the outside world.

Outside world meaning the circle of friends consisting of all my TK girls and random friends.

I try to find time to at least catch up but I find that there's no time.

With the exception of Dilah, I haven't had time to catch up with anyone else.

And mostly I complain and destress by talking to Dilah, like my sos system or something.

So it's not really counted as catching up.

It's sad to think that I'm so busy now, I don't even have time for my own friends.

It's not that I resent the fact that I'm in JC.

It's just that I wish it wasn't this hard.

It's the dark corners between the shelves

I'm currently at the National Library, trying to find out more about Sherry Lansing for project work.

Unfortunately, there is nothing new about her that I haven't already known.

Even the librarian said that she's not a very well-known person in terms of the contributions she has made becasue it's considered quite recent.

Furthermore, she is well-known in the American film industry which means that it is hard to find stuff on her in the reference library.

It is also utterly frustrating that my ST wanted a fair weightage for all research mediums.

Meaning, 33% from books. 33% from thw internet and 33% from magazines or newspaper articles.

The thing is, there is hardly any relevant books on Sherry Lansing.

Further research I tried online yielded nothing in return.

This is the reason why I'm typing this post right now.

My brain is so saturated and in need of rest.

This week and the next week are absolutely shit weeks.

No shit about that.

Next week is damn packed.

Gemilang finals are next week and there are so many things to be done.

That's just for gemilang.

For all the normal school subjects, there is a huge pile of work to be done.

Take a look at my list of work, everything to be in by Monday:

1)GP online discussion; 2 posts each consisting of 250 words. counted as a CA component.

2) GP articles; 2 articles with short summary and the presenting issues.

3)GP essay; introduction paragraph that encompasses your general comment, definitions and your viewpoint. Must be in one of the 6 ways accepted to write a general comment and viewpoint.

4) History; SEA tutorial worksheet 3. Inclusive of points for Indonesia, Vietnam and Burma, as well as an essay outline. Deadline is non-negotiable as it has already been extended.

5) Malay essay; 4 introductions on 4 separate questions. has to include komen am(general comment),takrif(definiton) and also your viewpoint.

6) Malay blog; create a new blog for malay where you will post an entry every day with 3 comments on any one article from Berita Harian inside. First post is pengenalan diri( self introduction)

For work not to handed in on Monday;

1) 2nd PI draft for Project work. inclusive of citations and references. 33% books, 33% magazines and articles and 33% websites.

For my own studies;

1) revise Maths since I have no idea what the hell is going on. Concentrate on standard graphs and also modulus functions.

2) go through SEA History lecture notes for term 1 and first 2 lectures for term 2. highlight key points. If there is enough time, make own notes in History note book.

3) go through International History lecture notes for term 1 and especially first lecture for term 2.

4) try to obtain a copy of The Guide by R.K. Narayan and read the first 3 chapters.

So that is my list of stuffs.

Now for my schedule for the weekend.

SATURDAY

1)go for parent-teacher meeting in school

2) go to national library and search on Sherry Lansing for PW.

3) after going to the national library, finish up homework outside.

4) go stargazing with Dilah

5) finish up other homework left behind.

SUNDAY

1) wake up early and do work

2) leave for the tarian's dance practice at woodlands since they need my iPod. do work while they practice.

3) try to finish up whatever that's not done and then hopefully sleep early.

Takes your breath away does it not?

I think we're all not used to the rigour yet.

It's way different from secondary school.

The average time I reach home is anywhere from 10 to 11.30

It's tiring but it can be done once I get used to the rigour.

Besides, after gemilang is over, things should be more settled down.

It's just too bad that everything is going on now.

Thank god Ms Charles gave me, yen ling, lasse and ying ling the option of turning down the competition on recycling which is coincidentally organized by TKGS.

I told her yesterday that it's too short notice to start the project now and she understood.

That's the great thing about her.

She understands the shit we are going through and comes to our rescue by pulling us out of stuff that we were forced into and will add to our already full plate.

Still, if ying ling can have time to study, go for Pre-U seminar, join council, balance drama and new media arts as CCAs and join a whole host of other competitions, I'm sure I can too.

"Sabar. Separuh dari iman."

"Oh eh? then lagi separuh aper ah?"

Asalkan kamu bahagia

That's the motto of 34A today.

"Asalkan kamu bahagia."

As long as you're happy.

Fiqa started the whole motto during Malay Lit class.

Pretty soon every retort was peppered with "asalkan kamu bahagia".

Partly because we were all too tired to come up with any other retort.

School was pretty uneventful.

PW was a rush to finish up GP homework and Cikgu Tetty actually stepped in to stop me and shaf from bickering about what I am supposed to get her for her birthday.

She gave us this exasperated look and told me "its the thought that counts"

I just told her that she needs to get used to all the commotion and bickering and questions and sarcasm.

She laughed and said she's trying her best to get used to all of it.

Malay Lit after that was supposed to be a group discussion but we were so out of it that we just made a lot of noise.

Not surprisingly, the table I always sit at, consisting of Nami,Nad,Fiqa,Ilham and me made the most noise and commotion.

Throw in sarcastic retorts and Ilham singing and you get total chaos.

Cikgu has to remind us to keep our volume down.

Ms Charles had to do the same thing.

But this time, instead of telling Fiqa to shut up, she told it to me.

I was talking away in class as usual.

Even more so with the impromptu mini debate we had in class.

Me and Ying Ling were debating our hearts out, trying to get our viewpoints across and covering as many gray areas as possible.

It came to the point where Ms Charles leaned back and watch us debate among ourselves.

Apparently I talked too much until she had to tell me that I was not allowed any comments after my last one.

In her own sarcastic way.

Sarcasm is fast becoming the significant trait of our class.

Even Nad's learned how to be sarcastic and fight off our retorts.

Thank god Ms Charles tolerates our sarcasm and the noise we make.

Oh crap. I'm supposed to be studying history right now.

I'm a little behind in notes.

I got this small panic attack when I saw Hannan's history lecture notes all highlighted with the margins all filled.

Still, "asalkan aku bahagia"

As long as I'm happy.

The International Brotherhood of Skuldron

It's 11.39 and I'm still struggling to complete my GP homework.
Ok fine. Maybe not struggling. I'm doing it leisurely.

Which I know I'm not supposed to do because I have to be up early tomorrow for school.

I'm pretty tempted to take another MC. I'm tempted everyday actually.

Isn't that always the case?

You just get so tired of dealing with all the workload you have to do.

It also doesn't help that I have an on-going relationship with procrastination.

Apparently I have an eye infection in my left eye that could spread to my right eye.
In other words, no contacts for a few days or so.
People kept exclaiming and asking me why is my eye all red yesterday

Even Ms. Charles asked me during civics.

Haha.

oh yes, 34A are all apparently students of a Ms. Universe.

Lolz.

Shoutouts:

Fiqa: Thanks for the pizza babe! it was a totally sweet gesture that you bought pizza for the entire class in commeration of our class's birthday, the past birthdays of some people and the birthdays of all the April babies. And also thank you so much for this;

I love it! shall pay you back kay? :)


Liyana: HAPPY BIRTHDAY girl!!! hope you like the present! wishing you all the best. happy birthday again! :)

Never leave your heart in cold ice

I'm more open towards love now.

I've always been until you crashed into my life and left before I could even take a breath.

Then my heart just...closed.

You could say that you were the one who jaded me because you hurt me so much more than haqi ever could.

You hit straight at my unprotected heart and you left this wound that I covered with a cloth to stop the blood flowing.

Yet the wound remains unhealed.

Dilah told me that I've covered the wound with a cloth to stop the bleeding but I forgot that the cloth absorbs blood.

And when the cloth is totally soaked, I finally turn my attention back to the wound and the pain I feel is magnified largely.

I suppose that's the reason why I cried over the remembrance of you last tuesday night.

Yet, in an ironic twist only life can pull off, I find that it doesn't hurt me as much anymore.

Maybe all this while, what I needed is not to push the memory and pain you granted me away, but to remember it, so that I can let it go.

I'm not saying it doesn't hurt because it still does.

Just not as much as it used to.

That's why I find myself more open to the idea of love again.

In the sense that I'm beginning to accept the idea of a significant other back in my life.

Needless to say, you killed that acceptance I had and now, I revived it back to life.

My heart is still closed but I know it'll open up sooner rather than later.

Travel back in the past

So many things have happened since I last blogged. Thus, I'll just travel back in the past a little and give a sneak preview of what the past week has been like for me.

MONDAY saw everyone scrambling to finish up template A for PW.

Ilham and Ying Ling wasn't at the parade square during assembly.

So it was only 6 of us in Lit tutorial. If you add Ms. Nathan then its 7.

We covered the Tiger and the Lamb and she set us our first set of homework.

Malay Lit was up next and Cikgu Tetty introduced herself and made us all introduce ourselves and told me and fiqa not to sit next to each other.

She had to tell us again during PW after lunch.

This time, she made sure fiqa moved her ass off the chair next to mine.

She thought us provocation and we spent the entire lesson provocating our brains.

GP saw Ms Charles giving me, fiqa,nami, syafiq and shaf the killer look since our table couldn't shut ourselves up.

And Ying Ling turned up for school albeit with her voice totally gone.

We had to read her lips the entire day.

After that was PE with Mr. Koh.

He's very nice to our class since he realises there's only 2 guys in our class.

Shaf and Nami went off for hip hop dance which left me alone to study until 7pm.

We went for dinner after that and talked all the way.

TUESDAY started off with history tutorial with Mr Mahmood.

Our class was fashionably late since we went to get out notes which cost $17.60 in total.

Mr Mahmood added to our workload a whole quiz on the first term's work.

We had PW again with Ms Tetty and she commented on all our template A work and set us more PW deadlines.

History lecture was dull and slow-going.

Civics was chaotic with half the class gone for the various humanities week events.

Ms Charles relented in the end and let the class off from doing some mindmap on Globalisation.

H1 maths was hard as expected.

MLEP was short since we all had to do administrative stuff for Gemilang semi-finals the next day.

Shaf came over to my house to study a while but I was rendered a little uncapable of studying due to the fact that I kept thinking of you.

Wednesday morning was filled with GP and how to write proper essays.

Syafiq showed his true colours in a totally unexpected moment when he calles Jia ling "basket" cos she couldn't hear what he said.

PE after that was tough and thought us all to endure pain and discomfort.

The PT we had to do was ouch.

Lit tutorial was uneventful.

Lit Lecture cemented 34A's lit students pledge of going to the UK at the end of the year.

We all agreed to raise funds somehow to meet the $24,000 our class will need to ensure everyone gets to go in December.

Malay Lit was cut really short since we all had to prepare for Gemilang,which is a project by the MLEP students.

It's an oratorical competition.

Me and Nami was stationed at the back gate to usher in those coming in from the back gate.

Since not many people came in through that gate, we had a nice talk.

She reminds me of Dilah a little cos I can have totally deep conversations with her yet crap at the same time.

Gemilang and the debriefing officially ended at 6.

After that, me, nami and fiqa decided to go and study at the woodlands library.

We stayed until it closed and then went for a quick dinner.

I reached home totally tired at 11.

My plan of staying up to complete my work failed and I resorted to doing eveything in school the next day.

THURSDAY was another mad scramble to finish up PW and for the econs students to study for their test.

Nami and Naz overslept so they didn't come to school.

Ilham was still on MC. That lucky dude got the whole week off school.

Ying Ling was late.

And Khairin was out sick as well.

The class was quite subdued and not as lively as normal.

We had PW in the library so we could do our research.

Ms Tetty stole 10 minutes off Malay lit to explain to me what exactly is needed for the proper PI draft due on Monday.

I got a headache after all her explaining and my mood was shot for break.

GP was the most funniest lessons ever.

The question: "Which is better, curing disease or preventing it?"

Ms Charles: Serene, which kind is the question? expository or argumentative?

Serene: prevent.

The question: "State 5 reasons why globalisation is bad for humans"

Ms Charles: Vanitha, expository or argumentative?

Vanitha: Descriptive.

Ms Charles: WHAT?!?? dreaming right. Its expository! So why is it expository?

Vanitha: Because it's not an argument.

Ms Charles: Syafiq, pass me a yellow highlighter so I can highlight Lasse's chosen article.

The highlighter was exchanged and Ms Charles uncapped it and was ready to highlight.

Lasse: Cher? can you use orange? I don't like yellow.

I swear with all the people in my class, my chances of getting a heartattack is way higher.

This is because;

1) all the FIQs in the class, namely shafiqah, syafiq,fiqa (and me) are all freaking sarcastic and loya burok(however you spell that).

Fiqa in particular hates to admit defeat and will find a way to win in any verbal argument.

Syafiq may look innocent and all but he is as sarcastic as you can get.

2) Nami, Nad and Khairin are slower than the rest of us.

Meaning to say, it takes a few tries to explain something to any of them.

That is also why the exclamation "huh?" and the blur face is their trademark.

3) Serene and Vanitha are the resident blur sotongs.

They pay attention yet are just blur, it defeats the purpose.

This is why any question asked to them is best not asked to them.

The rest of the class can fall into either category and put together, our class is this mixture of bubbling enthusiam,sarcasm,united-ness and everything else a class should be. :)