what's the difference now?

And so I'm 18 now.
It really feels no different than being 17.
Today feels no different than any other day too.
Except for the birthday wishes of course(thanks dilah,ying,sue,bani asy,diy and my lj fandomers)
I think except the fact that now I'm already legal to consume and buy alcohol, there's nothing really special about it.
But that's just maybe cos I've never considered my birthday to be anything special.
I don't count time. I never have.
Why count time anyway when it takes away so much from you?
And besides, the cynic in me is saying that it's only a year close to when you die.
Hmm, I miss being young and carefree and still believing in fairytales and prince charming and happy endings.




Fandom girl mode:
SHINee is really starting to grow on me.
A lot.
They're just so talented. Fantastic dancing and live singing.
And they're all pretty good looking too, young as they are.
They'll all grow up dashingly good looking really.
everytime I watch a live performance from them, I'm awed at the superb talent and how very young they are and how they have 10 more years ahead of them to just keep getting better.


And DBSK is really so much love.
I love watching them sing live cos they're just own the stage with their voices alone.
amazing singing.
it gives me goosebumps everytime.
guhh.
they're not as funny or hilarious or loser as SJ but they still make me happy. :)


And SJ.
they just need to get back together.
I miss them together.
No wonder Teukie's like so emo nowadays.
They're all over the place.
tsk.




I'm going on hiatus until my exams are over.
Good luck with me going cold turkey from all the kpop love.
And good luck to me for the backlogging (i hate backlogging)
Oh well, I can just ask my sis for everything. :)
It pays having a sister who is just as crazy as you about kpop boys. heh.

unsaid

It's really not nothing at all




Because I need you

Nothing at all

I don't know.
Should I be worried?


It's probably nothing at all.


If something happens.
If something happens to you


I just...I can't deal.

Robert Oxton Bolton once wrote, "A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind."

We have no time to stand and stare

I am utterly sad because I just realised I left my thumbdrive stuck to the USB port of one of the school's computers when I went to print out essays and practice papers yesterday.
Aaaarrrghhhh.
I hope its with the librarian.
If it's really lost, this is the second time in this year alone that I've lost my thumbdrive.
And this thumbdrive is even more valuable cos there's a whole load of stuff inside.
MSN convos, phone messages, GP stuff, Malay stuff, ALL MY FICS. oh god.
please please please let it still be there. :(


I was supposed to go to the airport just now to study but I changed my mind since I'm going to be having the whole house to myself.
My dad will be out to work soon and my mum and sis went jalan raya with my mum's side.
I was so tempted to go cos it's been so long since they hired a bus to go jalan raya but well, GP papers and Malay papers and Lit PC and History ASEAN is somehow more appealing. :)


Anyway, my DVD's only going to get posted on monday.
I'm psyched to get it but I'm not going to be watching it anyway.
At least not until after A's.
My sister freaked out when I told her she can't watch it until I've watched it since it's mine and that she'll have to wait until after Nov 24.
haha.

E.E. Cummings once wrote: 'To be nobody but yourself- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.'

run,baby,run, don't ever look back

It's getting really late but strangely, I'm still wide awake.
Maybe cos I just stopped studying at 12 plus.
Today is one of the most accomplished days I've had in a really long time.
I completed 5 Bahasa papers so cikgu can mark it for me and 2 themes of SEA.
I only have political structures to do tomorrow and I'm done re-consolidating for the thousandth time.
I swear I've got many sets of the same content from the lecture notes written in different forms.
It helps me remember. :)
And I've also completed consolidation of The Guide and DOM.
The plan is that after I'm done with the whole consolidation process, I'll have to go on intensive reinforcement of all the info to make sure it gets stuck in my head.
Next week is hectic though.
It's consultation week. >_<


Now that all that is over with,
I had a dream last night about someone from the past. (i think it's safe to count it as that)
The dream had that whole familiar air about it and even though some small part of me does miss you, I know it's unrealistic to think it'll ever get back to the way it was.
Life changes people, you included.
And life disillusions people, me included.
No regrets though. It was a good ride, excluding all the downsides.
I just hope that somewhere in the near future, you'll come to self-realisation and don't screw up your life.
But, by then, I don't think I'll be all that willing to welcome you back.
It'll be too late for that.
Time doesn't exactly heal everything.




I'm not the same person I was at the start of the year.
That much is true.
But I'm not regretting it, and I'm not going to ever look back.

Monday morning, rain is pouring...

it's raining really heavily.
I'm all dressed to go off to study at my usual spot at the airport but it's pouring.
I hope it stops soon.
If not, I'll have to contend with studying at home.


I'm really really glad that school is over.
Not because I can finally get time to do all my work but more of the fact that I'm so relieved at finally being able to get away from it all.
School has been really ergh and I have a strong aversion to it.
It ceased being my safe haven and really, I'm just so thankful it's over.
(I don't know why but I don't have a strong attachment to IJC as I did with TKG.
I think it maybe the people? the spirit? yeah. TK just wins hands down.)
As such, I'm only going to go back to IJ if I really need to because I can't bring myself to go back there and study or to interact socially anymore.
I think the only people that matter a lot to me now are my family and dilah.
And occasionally Haqi when he listens to my rants.
While we're on the topic, I hate it when people pretend that they understand me enough to know how I am as a person, what are my believes, what drives me.
Yes, it's easy reading me superficially but there's so much more underneath all the layers.
I just hate it when people pretend to know and I especially hate it when people make conclusions about me that are all wrong. (this applies to you btw)
If you haven't already realised, I don't show my true self in front of everyone and so what you see is NOT who I really am.
Also, I still think all your reasons are bullshit so much so that it's so ridiculous, even my sister laughed when I told her and my sister is 14 btw. -_-
Ergh.
Whatever it is, I'm just glad school is over.
:)


Hanchul and Jaechun is such love. really.
Their friendship is so best friend epic it hurts. :)
But god, Heechul is impossible to write. I can't get him right -that snarky and witty attitude he uses to cover up all his insecurities. and it's so frustrating.
I love my kpop boys. :)


Rain's stopped. Gotta go eat my lunch(roti kirai!) and then head off to the airport.

Super Show DVD

Super Junior - Super Show DVD
Price: $50
Date of Release: 30/09/2008
Concert Day : 2008 Feb 22th-24th
Region: All
Includes: 2 DVDs + Concert Photo Book + Poster
Running Time: Disc 1 - 73 minutes and Disk 2 - 114 Minutes
Disc 1: CONCERT Part 1
Disc 2: CONCERT Part 2 / Bonus - MAKING FILM
Subtitles: Korean, Japanese, Chinese


DISC ONE
01. Intro
02. Twins (Knock Out)
03. Rock This House
04. 돈 돈! (Don't Don)
05. 갈 증 (Remix)
06. 거 울
07. 멘트
08. 사랑이 떠나다 (She's Gone)
09. You're My Endless Love
10. Dancing Out (Rock ver.)
11. The Night Chicago Died
12. My Everything (동해)
13. 처음 느낌 그대로 (려욱, 규현)
14. 인형 (이특, 예성)
15. 걸음을 멈추고
16. 룩셈부르크 (희철, 시원, 성민, 강인)

DISC TWO
01. 로꾸거!!!
02. 첫 차
03. 나 같은건 없는 건가요
04. H.I.T - 히트
05. One love (은혁+K.R.Y)
06. 미워
07. 멘트
08. Marry U
09. Y.M.C.A
10. Wonder Boy
11. 퍼포먼스 (은혁, 동해, 신동, 한경)
12. 첫눈이 와
13. 멘트
14. 마지막 승부
15. U
16. 행복
17. 차근차근
18. 멘트
19. Believe
20. Final 멘트
21. 앵콜송 Miracle

BONUS - Making Film

I just placed an order for this.
Yes I know I must be crazy cos this will burn a hole right through my savings which I am suppose to use for other more noble purposes. >_<
Somebody just kill me now before I go and order other stuff like DBSK's mirotic album.
*dies*