Struggling to find a foothold

Everything seems so surreal dis past 3 days.

Like i'm watching the world from someone else's eyes

i dunno. jus seems like i cant find any foothold whatsoever.

n i've cried gallons i tink e last 2 days.

weird. i hate crying.

i cried cos i felt guilty

den i cried cos ihad a talk wif my mum

den i cried again cos i had cramps

e next morning, cried again cos i felt guilty again

den i almost cried in e bank queue cos of stooopid period cramps

den i cried in e restraunt cos mum n dad gave me dis pep talk

den i cried again at night cos i felt guilty again n ppl kept saying stuff dat made me cry

havent cried yet 2dae. hope i can keep it in.

i tink i might jus b pmsing.

or sth lyk dat.

i'm trying my best to reach out thou.

to somehow get everyting out of my system.

i guess i need to learn how to let go

how 2 forgive myself. cos sumhow i cant do dat.

n i jus start another viscious cycle.

i mean how do you forgive yourself for all dat u've done?

4 all e hurt u've inflicted on ppl?

how do u excuse urself 4 all e irrational tings u've done?

how do u let go?

how do u get back ur faith n get up again?

how do u fight the pain?

i dunno. i'm all over e place. i dunno wat 2 feel or do animore.

i jus wanna breathe again. n jus live my life. n let it all go.