It's all out in the open

I cried again when you msg-ed yest.

just like all those times i cried at night. over u. over all of u.

i guess it's time to let it all out.

no good keeping it in.

i guess it's like wat u said, it was like any normal fight bt den it changed when i walked out.

when i blew up and left.

if i had the power to redo that day i would.

i'd sit there and take it like a true man and not flee like the coward that i am.

but i don't have that kind of power.

i cant undo wat's already been done.

i can't take back what i did and somehow, i wished you'd understand that.

i guess wen u said me walking away was wat put u off, i realised i have no else but myself to blame.

i accept full responsibility of wat happened cos i know i was in the wrong.

but somehow, i thot that by now, u'd see that maybe, just maybe both of us were wrong.

i was wrong because i chose to walk away instead of taking it.

i was wrong because i hurt u 2 much for so long u just cant take it anymore.

i was wrong because i took 2 much out of u, like a dementor, sucking the life slowly out of you.

but then, its not fair if i jus con't blaming myself for everything.

wat i mean is dat until now, i cant understand why for 2 whole months, 2 months u all left. jus silence.

why did u choose to jus let it be for 2 whole months wen maybe you could have i dunno, salvaged it or sth.

those 2 months were hell for me. did u noe i cried every night? did u noe how much i miss u?

ur hugs, ur comfort.

ur prescence.

maybe its true wat u said, maybe to you, i seem fake now.

maybe i was trying to prove to hard to you dat i can make it on my own without you.

dat i can literally live without you.

dat i'm stronger than u think i am.

dat i can pick myself up and not keep relying on you.

i guess yes. the truth is yes. i was tyring to prove all these to you.

ironically, i realise that prove isn't wat u wanted to see.

u never needed me to prove it did u?

no. u wanted to see something more.

u wanted to make me realise that i can make it on my own. dat i can pull myself up.

dat i'm strong. just like wat u always tell me.

god, if i can change time, i'd take it all back.

but i can't. and i'm accepting that.

i'm accepting that all those times, are gone.

remember that book we wrote in?

i smile everytime i read it.

just remembering the old times.

and wondering how fast life can change.

how we all wanted things to be e same always and never change.

how we all swear by the stars and the moon that we'd still be best friends even when we're 85 and rotting.

how we held on to so many dreams. dreams we'd build together.

but reality always gets in the way.

maybe things are meant to be this way.

maybe forever is just up till that time i walked away.

it's so funi how i keep saying i've moved on.

in a way yes. i've moved on with my life.

made new friends, tried not to hang on so much.

but now, i realised that a small part of me will always stay.

dat small part of me will never let go of the hope that maybe someday, i can make it up 2 u. 2 all of u.

i noe it's veri silly of me to still hope wen its pretty obvious e ride's over.

bt i cant help it.

u wonder y i keep looking over at you.

truth is, im a litte envious. just cos others get to have that fun wif u that i noe if i hadnt been so dumb, i might have with you.

haha..maybe a little envious is an understatement.

do u noe sometimes, wen i reali got nth else to do, i'd think back on all those memories we collected over the years.

its nice to know we had good times. lots of good times.

lastly, i just wanna thank you.

for all the good times and for everything.

remember how i used to say i love you more than the stars in sky?

dat small part of me that still hopes still love u in e same way and i'll never forget.

i'll never forget how lucky i am to have god grace me with people like you.

u've left an impact in my life and trust me, no matter how hard i try, i will never ever forget how gracious two best friends and 3 close friends were to me.