Sometimes its gotta be that way

I consider myself pretty lucky really.

I've got an intact family.

Although we sometimes have our differences, it's all generally good.

(on days that my mum's not pmsing and my dad's not in a bad mood that is)

And I have friends around me who are always there to support me and all.

Sure I only ever really talk to a select few but still, the feeling that I know there's always someone out there who has my back is nice.

Sure I don't really let my real self show to anyone now, but in a way, that's gonna make me stronger cos I gotta learn to fend for myself

I know I've made plenty of mistakes before, I screwed up before.

But I can honestly say that I've tried my best.

I may not be that shade of perfect that is just right for everybody but I try to be somewhat like that for some people.

At least the people who've helped me through shit, sticking with me through thick and thin.

People always tell me I don't pay myself a much attention as I do to others.

That I neglect myself more often than not.

I know in a sense they're all true but that's just me.

I kinda like that streak in me cos it means that I have the capacity to feel for people, to empathise.

And that's cool with me.

:)

Actually, to tell you the truth, I have no idea where this post is going.

I'm just letting my hands do the typing so I suppose this is once again my mind in randomised, shuffled mode.

I know I'm a numb-er, that is I always just numb myself so I don't have to feel.

It's not really a healthy way to deal with shit but its my way and I think if you force me to feel it all at the same time, I'd crack worse than last time.

That's why I refuse to let myself feel for you.

Not completely at least.

I'll re-numb myself after a while so that I won't feel again.

I know my sub conscious will never let me forget cos really at the most slightest mention of similar circumstances or say your name, I'd start feeling a little.

I know that I'm still not over it no matter how many times I say I am cos hell it still hurts like shit.

I know that I'll need a lot of time to get over it totally

But trust me I will.

When my prince charming comes with the right key and a huge microwave machine so he can defrost my heart.

(omg. I'm talking like this and I still have the capacity to be lame. -_-)

Then yeah I'll get over you.

Or maybe I'll get over you when I let myself feel but that's not gonna happen anytime soon so yeah.

My post is so random. haha.

Hmm, I suddenly feel like chilling at the carpark for some stargazing.