The weather this past few days have been, to say the least, erratic.
It shifts from burning hot to freezing cold and I'm starting to get a little annoyed.
Not at the weather per se, but at my weather forecasting skills.
Every time I leave my hoodie at home, it rains and freezes to the bone.
And whenever I do think it's an auspicious day to drag it to school, it's so bloody hot that its so redundant.
Today for example was really really hot.
I was suffering outside the staff room while waiting for Mr Mahmood to come out for my consultation.
I think the fans they put there are really useless cos its doesn't seem to help in ventilation or cooling down the place anyway.
Other than that, I've had a pretty great weekend.
The highlights definitely being Saturday with cinta at the airport and Mr Yip's surprise birthday bash just now.
I'm not going to into details cos I think it's really dry and boring anyway and I'm too lazy to go on and on about it.
I'm only going to say that I've learned a lot though, especially at the airport.
I think cinta's the only one that I can really talk deeply with, without any inhibitions.
Anyway, there's no real need for inhibitions cos she can see through me like as though she has superman's xray vision or something. haha.
And now that's over with, on with the serious stuff.
There's a couple of things that I just want to get off my chest so yeah.
And as to whom they are dedicated and referring to, I'll just leave it as it is.
I don't see the point in blatantly stating anyway. If you get it, you get it.
If not, no harm.
And if it hurts you with me being honest, shoot me cos I'm not going to deny and pretend I don't feel that way.
To you(in general):
I really feel so indifferent now that I'm bordering on feeling utterly jaded.
I don't see the point in putting up fake facades anymore because its futile anyway.
Why should I bother if you're not going to be bothered?
I'm just plain sick and tired of repeating the same old thing again and again like some broken record machine.
I think you're old enough to think for yourself and really, I'm too tired to even care right now.
It's your life to live and it is clearly and totally your own prerogative.
If you want to screw your life, then go ahead.
Be my guest cos I'm sure as hell, am not going to stop you,
To you:
I know there's too many unsaid things. (among some well said ones of course)
I really don't know what else to say to you.
I'm already so tired of this whole issue.
Because the same thing keeps coming up again.
And even if it doesn't resurface verbally, I know it's brimming under the surface because I can see it in your eyes.
I think the whole thing is, if you want me to start trusting you, you've got to earn that trust first.
And at the rate you're going about doing it, you're never going to get there.
At least not in time.
And if you know me well enough, you'd know I'm not the kind of person you assume I am.
And lastly, to you(in general):
If I'm truly honest with myself, I'll just filter everyone else out.
Because nobody merits my trust enough to be a full time keeper.
And I can forsee that 20 years down the road, when we meet, we'll have absolutely nothing to say to each other.
We're not the kind of friends that can go for months and even years without talking and just pick up where they left off.
And because, I can honestly say that I don't share anything remotely emotional with anybody, except maybe one or two and even then, its not exhaustive.
Then again, that's what everybody is doing nowadays, all hiding behind masks.
It's sad. Yes, I'm not foolish enough to deny that.
But we're not going anywhere, neither forward or backward.
We're all just stuck in limbo, neither here nor there.
And if this is what it'll be like, than so be it.
I'm just too jaded already.
It shifts from burning hot to freezing cold and I'm starting to get a little annoyed.
Not at the weather per se, but at my weather forecasting skills.
Every time I leave my hoodie at home, it rains and freezes to the bone.
And whenever I do think it's an auspicious day to drag it to school, it's so bloody hot that its so redundant.
Today for example was really really hot.
I was suffering outside the staff room while waiting for Mr Mahmood to come out for my consultation.
I think the fans they put there are really useless cos its doesn't seem to help in ventilation or cooling down the place anyway.
Other than that, I've had a pretty great weekend.
The highlights definitely being Saturday with cinta at the airport and Mr Yip's surprise birthday bash just now.
I'm not going to into details cos I think it's really dry and boring anyway and I'm too lazy to go on and on about it.
I'm only going to say that I've learned a lot though, especially at the airport.
I think cinta's the only one that I can really talk deeply with, without any inhibitions.
Anyway, there's no real need for inhibitions cos she can see through me like as though she has superman's xray vision or something. haha.
And now that's over with, on with the serious stuff.
There's a couple of things that I just want to get off my chest so yeah.
And as to whom they are dedicated and referring to, I'll just leave it as it is.
I don't see the point in blatantly stating anyway. If you get it, you get it.
If not, no harm.
And if it hurts you with me being honest, shoot me cos I'm not going to deny and pretend I don't feel that way.
To you(in general):
I really feel so indifferent now that I'm bordering on feeling utterly jaded.
I don't see the point in putting up fake facades anymore because its futile anyway.
Why should I bother if you're not going to be bothered?
I'm just plain sick and tired of repeating the same old thing again and again like some broken record machine.
I think you're old enough to think for yourself and really, I'm too tired to even care right now.
It's your life to live and it is clearly and totally your own prerogative.
If you want to screw your life, then go ahead.
Be my guest cos I'm sure as hell, am not going to stop you,
To you:
I know there's too many unsaid things. (among some well said ones of course)
I really don't know what else to say to you.
I'm already so tired of this whole issue.
Because the same thing keeps coming up again.
And even if it doesn't resurface verbally, I know it's brimming under the surface because I can see it in your eyes.
I think the whole thing is, if you want me to start trusting you, you've got to earn that trust first.
And at the rate you're going about doing it, you're never going to get there.
At least not in time.
And if you know me well enough, you'd know I'm not the kind of person you assume I am.
And lastly, to you(in general):
If I'm truly honest with myself, I'll just filter everyone else out.
Because nobody merits my trust enough to be a full time keeper.
And I can forsee that 20 years down the road, when we meet, we'll have absolutely nothing to say to each other.
We're not the kind of friends that can go for months and even years without talking and just pick up where they left off.
And because, I can honestly say that I don't share anything remotely emotional with anybody, except maybe one or two and even then, its not exhaustive.
Then again, that's what everybody is doing nowadays, all hiding behind masks.
It's sad. Yes, I'm not foolish enough to deny that.
But we're not going anywhere, neither forward or backward.
We're all just stuck in limbo, neither here nor there.
And if this is what it'll be like, than so be it.
I'm just too jaded already.
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