Letter to you

dis past few days have made me realise that life is kinda like a loan

its e time god gives you and u'll never noe wen ur time is up and ur loan is taken away.

death is death.

its never far away.

i guess its god's way of reminding me of wat i have lost and forgotten over e past years.

n damn did it hit hard.

its been 4 years and it onli felt like just yesterday.

someone once told me that the hardest ting in life is acceptance.

accepting wat ur heart refuses to accept.

acknowledging hurts and pains.

life's built on the word acceptance.

and at one point or other u jus gotta accept it [see wat i mean?]

dear atok,

its been 4 long years.

i've put aside all e hurt i feel wen u left for all these years

and now, im suddenly thrown into a whirlwind of rememberance of u.

n it hurts to feel after so long

i miss you

i miss the way you used to hold me close and rock me to sleep

i miss pretend playing with you

do you remember i used to sit on ur lap and put ur arms around me and pretend that i'm in a cab?

i miss those times

i miss listening 2 all ur stories of all ur voyages.

ur my captain remember? my very own pirate.

i remember the way you use to ruffle my hair and cup the back of my neck.

i can still feel your hand around the back of my neck

it killed me 2 watch u suffer thru those years after ur stroke.

it killed me to watch u slowly slip away

i guess dats wat made it more painful.

i miss you atok.

i can still hear your voice telling me that wen i get my PSLE results, i'd show u and i'd be ur protege. ur girl.

i'm sori i never got to show u...but u noe ryt?

i noe ur watching over me.

i'm so sori u never got 2 see me b4 u left. i'm sori i took so long 2 come to ur side.

i noe u tried 2 wait.

i'm so sori.

i'm sori i've neglected u all these years.

that i've put u aside all this while. that at sum point, i forgot.

i forgot the pain of losing you.

bt i feel it now. its cursing thru me like poison.

i'm visiting u on sun ok?

i'm sori if u hear me cry. it jus hurts.

its like i buried all e pain i felt deep deep in and now they're out in the open.

i'm sori for everyting atok.

i jus hope ur in a better place now. and dat u finally got wat u rightfully deserve.

i hope Allah blesses ur soul.

i love u loads atok.

rest in peace.