Fuck is a good word to describe it

I just got home from MLU Seminar Rehearsal.

I'm not gonna comment much on how it went.

Let's just say if you know how gemilang rehearsals went, it's pretty much the same.

Except for different protagonists that is.

Apparently I did a totally stupid thing on my way home 2 hours ago.

I took 161 to Sengkang, crossed the over head bridge and my luck wasn't in so i missed 89.

So I waited, whilst coughing like shit. I have no idea why my cough is getting worse when I have been eating my meds. (I swear I have.)

Then along came a bus.

I saw the number plate and I boarded it.

Fell asleep a minute later.

And I woke up with dense forest surrounding me.

I took a deep breath and tried really hard not to panic.

My phone was dying so I can't call out to anyone for help (like say my dad so he can pick me up)

So the bus continued its journey, passing more and more trees.

Until it reached punggol pier.

I just went "oh fuck."

By then, I was the only one on the bus.

I guess the driver must have thought what the hell a school girl is doing going to punggol pier.

And then, after the bus loops and I still didn't press the bell,

I imagine he must have thought where the hell I was actually heading since I didn't drop at punggol pier or any of the bustops afterward.

To my huge relief, the bus turned into a place I actually recognised and I finally pressed the bell.

And ended up exactly where I was half an hour ago.

So I had to cross the overhead bridge again and wait for 89 again.

This time I made sure I read the number plate correctly and it stated 89 instead of 82.

(don't ask me how the hell I read 82 as 89)

Oh ya, apparently, I'm developing what I think is gastric.

Cos, I haven't been eating properly due to my poor appetite since the time I have been sick.

Hidayah said I actually looked like I was forcing myself to eat the burger I was eating for breakfast cum lunch cum maybe dinner (blame the rehearsal for that) at BK after the whole thing was finally over.

In a sense I kinda was cos something in the burger tasted salty on my tongue.

So I tried taking out the turkey bacon and it went down much easier.

I'm now down 7 kg since 3 weeks ago.

I'm wondering whether the weight will stop plummeting.

I'm only going to write this next bit because I know you won't read it.

Just because I know you don't read my blog.

And I don't want to hurt you by saying this to your face cos I know coming from me, it will hurt.

I'm just feeling a little bit peeved at you.

Cos you weren't there for me yet you expect me to be there for you all the way.

I'm not saying that I won't.

I'm just trying to reiterate that it's a two way thing.

I can't keep on giving if you won't let me do the taking.

Whatever it is that I'm feeling, I know it will pass soon.

I just had to write it down somewhere so I don't crack under more shits.

Just know that I still love you loads.

*

On a page inside a spiral notebook

It's your name over again

Intertwined around the cold black lines

How do I make you fade away