Mummy said there will be days like this

Last count.

10 breakdowns in 5 days.

Drained is really an understatement for me right now.

At least its some comfort to my eyes that the last 8 breakdowns weren't as major as the first 2.

I guess the reason for all the succesive breakdowns is simple.

I kept it in too long.

I burst.

End of story.

After the breakdowns, Life had to deal me another bad hand.

Somehow, (I have no idea how) I contracted another 39 degrees celsius fever.

Less than a month since my bacterial infection.

in the last 3 weeks alone, I've lost a total of 6 kg.

3/4 of my pants are all dropping off me.

Even my school uniform skirt is getting a tad too lose.

If I lose anymore weight I swear I'm gonna be like an anorexic satay stick.

Anyway, since I had a high fever again,

the weekend has seen me lazing around, resting and sleeping mainly.

I went to Abg Zul's wedding with the damn pretty pelamin.

Sial ah, when I get married, I'll make sure it's on a cruise ship with a pelamin just as exquisite, black satin velvet and all. ceh mcm btol jer aku ni.

I stayed a total of 2 hours before I went off home.

The heat and the noise and my coughing just made me miss home.

Bani and Dilah came over right after I reached home and changed, coughing my way through everything.

We chilled a while before Bani had to go off for work which left Dilah at my house until late afternoon.

Bnyk kau nyer nk balek at 4pm.

Do you ever get the feeling that you're on cloud 9 and then suddenly lightning strikes?

and you fall head first to the ground miles below?

And you lie there in a pool of your own blood, not feeling aything because there is too much adrenaline coursing through your veins , it numbs the pain?

And then finally after a long while, the pain comes rushing back and that's when you really wished the fall had killed you instead.

It's funny isn't it?

How you try to run away from everything and it all catches up with you sooner.

And then you're caught blind trying to find your way out of all the things suffocating you.

Just so you can run away again.

I've been running all my life.

As much as I tell myself I've stopped.

I haven't.

I'm just running faster, trying to kid myself that I can get away from it all.

*

I stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring.

And I wanna make it worth the fight.