This is gonna be random

You take the breath right out of me.

You left a hole where my heart should be.

You got to fight just to make it through,

'cause I will be the death of you.

I finally paid for the Midsummer Night Dream tickets on Sunday.

Apparently the dress code for 0734A on the day is black.

No surprise really.

I'm wondering what to wear.

Hmm...

This post is gonna be random.

I'm in the whole reflective mood again.

Meaning that there are too many thoughts running around in my head that it's hard for me to pick one to write about.

I read your blog.

Somehow I find myself at a loss of what to say to you.

I always imagined that I knew what to say to you and make it all better.

But I realise that I can't afford to make it better for you anymore because you're too lost.

I don't know how to reel you back into life and tell you to stop what you're doing.

Just because it's not only hurting yourself but it's hurting everyone else too.

I don't know how to tell you that I don't know what to do anymore.

Maybe if I was the one in your shoes, I would be exactly like you.

But then I found myself thinking that if anything like that ever happened to me, I'll be a different person.

I won't do what you are doing.

Because I'm like you in so many aspects yet I'm so different from you.

And I don't know how to tell you that.

I feel the fire burning in your eyes as you look at the world and the resentment pouring out of you scares me.

Even though I hate to admit that it does.

You're dancing with the devil and I wonder if you have any idea.

Love is when your heart aches and breaks when he's sad. Love is when you cry for his pain even when he's strong. Love is when his eyes sees your true heart and touches your soul so deeply it hurts. Love is when an incomprehensible mix of pain pulls you close and holds you to him. Love is when you accept his faults because that's part of who he is. Love is when you are attracted to others but stay with him faithfully, without regret. Love is when you give him your heart, your life and your death. Love is pain, agony, torture, a powerful death of self yet it is so addictive and that is the beauty of love.

I want so much to be able to fall in love unrestrainedly, kinda like how I did with you.

But deeper.

I want to feel that heart wrenching pain of love so deep it hurts.

I feel it all bubbling just under the surface, lapping at my insides like the ocean waves.

Yet I feel it's all held back.

It's like you left a hole right where my heart should be and now it's just an empty abyss.

I can't feel.

And I can't help but wonder why.

Stay with me, and I will show you the night; we will gaze upon the stars; the moon that I adore. All without the expectation that you should mimic their luminescence, my darling, but so that you will heighten your flame in faith as you see that you are not alone between the eons of twilight.

*

I am obsessed with beauty.

The true naked terror of it.

Because to me, nothing contains more incandescent beauty than pain.