I'm just dropping by for a bit.
I've still got tons of work to do, namely sastera essays.
Today was a really good day for me.
There wasn't any shit happenings in school, my consultations went well (especially maths!) and I stayed back in school to study until 8 plus. :)
I feel so extremely accomplished and it feels damn good. heh.
Okay, serious business now.
I know I can't afford to run away anymore.
But, there's a part of me that's scared to promise that it'll be the last time I run away.
Because I'm terrified that I'll break my promise somewhere along the run and I'll disappoint even more people.
I can deal with anger, I can deal with contempt, I can deal with hate, I can deal with almost anything people or life throws at me, albeit in my own way of course.
But, I cannot deal with disappointment.
It breaks me further.
I don't want another repeat of my self-destructive years in secondary school,
where I made promises to stop carving my own self-made tattoos to so many people, only to disappoint them sooner or later.
It's a cycle that's too vicious.
Incidentally, it's been 2 years since the last time I made a tattoo.
That's the longest ever.
It's worth it even though I had to lose my best friend for it to happen.
Anyway, my point is, I'll try my best not to run away again but I'm just saying that there's still a possibility that my semi-conscious will somehow urge me to do it.
After all, my greatest enemy is actually myself.
Myself and all the demons in my closet and the monsters under my bed.
Naddie, Kakhai, I hope you guys understand okay?
I love you very much for being there and for a lot of things that I can't possibly list down.
I won't promise that it's the last time I run away.
But I'll promise you that I will try my damn best to prevent it from happening.
:)
I love you.
By the way, cinta,
Get your ass back from Malaysia already cos I really need an alarm clock.
And well, I kinda miss you la.
A bit.
(You know when I say a bit I actually mean a real lot right?)
:)
I love you. heh.
I've still got tons of work to do, namely sastera essays.
Today was a really good day for me.
There wasn't any shit happenings in school, my consultations went well (especially maths!) and I stayed back in school to study until 8 plus. :)
I feel so extremely accomplished and it feels damn good. heh.
Okay, serious business now.
I know I can't afford to run away anymore.
But, there's a part of me that's scared to promise that it'll be the last time I run away.
Because I'm terrified that I'll break my promise somewhere along the run and I'll disappoint even more people.
I can deal with anger, I can deal with contempt, I can deal with hate, I can deal with almost anything people or life throws at me, albeit in my own way of course.
But, I cannot deal with disappointment.
It breaks me further.
I don't want another repeat of my self-destructive years in secondary school,
where I made promises to stop carving my own self-made tattoos to so many people, only to disappoint them sooner or later.
It's a cycle that's too vicious.
Incidentally, it's been 2 years since the last time I made a tattoo.
That's the longest ever.
It's worth it even though I had to lose my best friend for it to happen.
Anyway, my point is, I'll try my best not to run away again but I'm just saying that there's still a possibility that my semi-conscious will somehow urge me to do it.
After all, my greatest enemy is actually myself.
Myself and all the demons in my closet and the monsters under my bed.
Naddie, Kakhai, I hope you guys understand okay?
I love you very much for being there and for a lot of things that I can't possibly list down.
I won't promise that it's the last time I run away.
But I'll promise you that I will try my damn best to prevent it from happening.
:)
I love you.
By the way, cinta,
Get your ass back from Malaysia already cos I really need an alarm clock.
And well, I kinda miss you la.
A bit.
:)
I love you. heh.
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