Epitome of Epiphany

Ergh. my hand is aching.

jus played dis super annoying bt fun game. :)

de-stress?

i guess u cn col it dat.

nd lots of it after all dat's been happening n is happening.

i jus realised dat i've had lots of epiphanys lately.

n sum of dem reali damn ironic.

n everyday i'll cry sum.ironic ting is, im crying over irony.

if ur wondering wat shit im babbling, jus ignore me.

my brain's jus 2 crammed up 2 tink ryt now.

so yea.

i've had epiphanys when my head was so full of thoughts and fears that it actuali kinda hurt.

n i've had epiphanys dat jus strike me wen im least expecting em.

lyk jus now.

had a nice heart-to-heart wif nikki.

damn. i miss moments lyk dat wen we cld jus open up n let it all go 2 each other.

i miss all of it. reali.

bt sumtyms, u gotta let time take back wat belongs to it ryt?

gosh.

it hit me like a lightning bolt.

damn. wat am i doing wif my life ryt now?

im jus doing screw up after screw up.

n im screwing up other ppl's lives as well.

n im truly sori 4 those of u hu directly or indirectly, i screwed up ur life.

yeah.

it jus hurts to know that you're in dis deep dark hole with onli so few for company n no matter how hard u try, u cant seem 2 get out.

ur hands jus slip on e walls n u lose ur footing again.

n each time, u take an injury, another wound.

but u wanna get out of dat deep dark whole.

but ur scared cos u've been so comfortable for all these years in dat deep dark hole;

ur eyes have grown so accustomed 2 e darkness dat ur scared ur gonna b blinded by the light if u get out of dat deep dark hole.

n u noe dat if u cont 2 saty in dat deep dark hole, u'll lose everyone dat matters.

yeah. dats how im technically feeling abt it all.

maybe it all comes down 2 god.

i have 2 find god. get back my faith.

start believing wif all my heart.

sumhow i tink because i didn't remember god, HE took away all the ppl dat mattered.

one by one.

n i'm sore at him a lil cos of dat.

its a vicious circle once u tink abt it.

a circle dat goes on in circles, unless u find e strength 2 break free.

problem is; i reali dunno where 2 start.

how 2 start believing again. how 2 get my faith back.

how?

someone, please help me, find god again.