I Held The Devil's Hand

I'm in a pretty reflective mood today.

I guess it might be because of the rain.

Or it might just be one of those days.

I realised I haven't been thinking deep since the start of the new year.

The thing with me is that I reflect quite often.

My mum says I think too much but then again, that's just who I am.

A deep thinker?

Yeah. Pretty Much.

I haven't found the time to reflect in between work, rest and chilling out with Fadh and Bani.

Hell, I don't even have much time to socialise with anyone else other than those two goons.

And they don't even count cos well, they're goons.

Today, I reflected on mortality.

On how much time God has already given me and how much time I have left.

About life.

How fragile it is and how you can just be snatched away.

I don't know how much time I have left.

Noone does.

The thing is I know that we are all going to die but it just never really hit me that I am going to be six feet under one fine day.

I always take it for granted that I'll wake up the next morning and take another breath.

Hell, I always take it for granted that I'm gonna draw breath again the next second.

But death is real.

And it scares me how I might not have enough time to do all the things I want to do.

It scares me how I might get a chance to tell people things I somehow can't find the courage to say now.

Like how sorry I am for all the hurt and wrong I did them.

And how much I treasure their presence.

And how grateful I am for every single thing they've done for me and for the love and friendship they've given me.

And how much I love them.

(So hey, I love all of you out there kay. my family and my friends.really.literally)

but mostly, I'm scared of not having enough time to seek forgiveness for all the things I did.

For all the sins that I've committed.

And for all the times I've held the Devil's hand.