If you had 15 seconds

Today was a jam-packed day.

full of nerves and strangely, lotsa support and love and motivation.

I shall start at the begining then shall i?

well, the journey to school is as usual a little uneventful except for the same-old stories about farhan or abbas or james or awie(is that how you spell his name asy?) or idris or kamarul or zul or(recently added to the list) ayie or haqi or khai and of course how could i forget the (uncute in my opinion) zafir.

yes yes, i know that's a whole lot of guys. what can i say? we're all hott and gorgeous and sexy so naturally we rein in the testosterones. :)

so 1st period was english which we were all treated to a highly descriptive and detailed version of gerry's oral exam yesterday and which caused me to lose my mood for the entire day after that.

2nd period was supposed to be PE and since i didn't want to run, i was thinking of going to the sickbay but then i remembered that Mrs. Yeo wanted to see me so i might as well go troop along to her room and see her. i mean, better get it over and done with right?

so we talked and she agreed that my idea wasn't such a bad one although she did warn me to expect the worst. she said sometimes, we all just gotta be a little pessimistic.

so after the bell rang for 3rd period, i went back to class only to leave again to see Mdm Lee.

she had a nice heart-to-heart talk with me.

weird i know but she just listened while i cried my heart out about everything.

the lack of money. the uncertainty on whether i can ever continue my studies, which incidentally is why i really really REALLY need that UWC scholarship. and also the helplessness i feel watching my parents struggle for just that pathetic scrap of gold in the form of a dollar coin.

she told me straight that although my intention to quit school and help out financially is noble, it won't benefit me and besides, my parents are giving it their all to keep me in school so i really shouldn't put that to waste.

she held my hand and told me that i could do it no matter how horrible my maths grades are and that's because she knows that deep down, i have it in me and she has faith in me.

(that only made me cry harder really)

She told me to never give up and keep on fighting for my dreams.

At the end of it, she let me off and suddenly, without really knowing why, i kinda asked for a hug and she smiled and said "of course" and hugged me tight for a second or two, not caring that my tears were staining her shirt.

Thank you Mdm Lee.

So after recess was double bio and chem.

and Mrs Ngin, gave us another motivational talk that got me all inspired and motivated. She never fails to make me and the rest of us, feel that way.

I think the school should have more teachers like her just so that we students get the right motivation to study.

I will always remember that there's a star in me.

Thank you Mrs Ngin.

And damn, there was that time for oral.

time is one annoying thing really, when you're dreading something, it has this irritating habit of speeding up.ergh.

i was the last to go so naturally, i had a long wait.

slowly, people dwindled out of the hall until there was only me and Tian left.

I looked over at her and gave her the thumbs up and then we were ready to go.

my first thought when i saw the picture was "oh fuck".

i mean it's not a totally incoherent picture. just, very difficult to describe.

so i read and told myself to not make all the stupid mistakes i always make like reading too fast.

then before i could grasp my answers properly it was time.

i tell you, the walk up to the examiner's table was excruciating.

it also doesn't help that they are looking at you as though they think you're a stubborn piece of dirt on their shoe.

And i read and damn i made that same stupid mistake of reading as though i'm trying to catch after a speeding bullet.

geez. after all that psycho talk to myself, it was all such a waste.

And i am pretty sure i screwed up the picture section because i said it was a chinese new year sale. I mean do department stores have CNY sales?!??

ergh. could have killed myself.

i just totally forgot all that i planned to say and i honestly thought that the examiners were a bit shall i say in pain and wincing? cos they were looking as though they got dildos stuck up their asses and nostrils.

not that they had. i mean even if they did, i won't be able to see but that's besides the point.

so next was the convo.

it went okay i suppose. the topic was not too hard. shopping.

i just blabbed non-stop and i think i overused a couple of words like 'retail therapy' and 'addictive' and 'waste of time'

but all in all, i think i might be able to scrape a decent grade. i need to. think UWC scholarship.

so after the exam, me and shaf decided to really do some retail therapy and we went up to century square's department store and hehe, we had shall i dare say fun?

we tried out clothes that i swear to god we wouldn't have dared try if our mother's knew.

but hey, they make us look incredibly HOTT and GORGEOUS and SEXAYE. really.

i tried on this super super super mini skirt with a gorgeous halter top and shaf had the same skirt with this hott black top that i'm sure will send cum flying if i may be allowed to be direct. :)

and then we headed over to This Fashion and tried on some more clothes. all evidence of this is imprinted on my phone.

heh, i lurrvee shopping with her. It's like i'm not afraid to show what i like and try out stuff i wouldn't normally try and give my opinions on stuffs.

So yeah. She got on 3 with me and it was hilarious the way we were talking to each other on the phone when we were only 2 meters apart due to the fact that she joined the queue late.

oh and she said something that made me smile.

"That's what i like about you. The fact that you can read other people so easily and relate to them. Like how you can know what someone's down and more importantly why they're down. You're a gift from god girl."

heh. yup. i like that part of me too. it seems like i've gotten more perceptive and observant. maybe 4 months and 21 days taught me all i needed to know.

Anyway, like what i told lollie, after having my own wounds opened up and examined like i'm some corpse being subjected to a post mortem has thought me how to open up the wounds of others and let them feel the pain so they can move on.

A thought: "if you knew i had 15 seconds to live, what would you tell me?"

haqi: "I'll tell you that i love you. more than the stars in the sky, more than every breath i take and more than life itself." :)

bie, did i ever mention to you how adorably sweet and romantic you can be?

anyway, this post is long enough so i'll take my leave.

goodnight world.

much love to all my loves.