I Miss You

Ah. been having a very long break from school.

Since thursday was the scheduled holiday from the long overdue voting day, naturally, there wasn't any school.

I was supposed to be in school on friday, bright and early and all,but i had an appointment with

dear Dr. Fang so i skipped.

ironically, i didn't go for my appointment.

dad was of the opinion that we shouldn't be wasting money on a 5 minute consultation and another month's worth of meds.

I guess i'm pretty cool with it.

I know i don't need the prozac anymore so its fine.

i just hope that my migraines won't get worse cos i won't have a ready supply of migraine painkillers.

Sidetrack: Wira just tried to commit suicide by jumping out the kitchen window. Mum was avidly trying to be a professional maracas player by shaking his container of food vigorously but sad to say, failed miserably. In the end, i had to pull his tail and he was saved. haha.

I also am just going to say that i'm not going to put this blog on a hiatus.

I realise that most people are doing that but i'm not going to.

This blog is a great way for me to express myself so it's gonna stay.

besides, i have a feeling this blog will help me de-stress a litte.

Oh and by the way, i'm backing out.

The age gap is too huge not to mention the fact that you're directly related to me and also the fact that you're taken for keeps.

And as for you, i'm starting to question the basis of our almost non-existent relationship.

God you're starting to turn out like haqi.

And that's not a good thing cos' i'm not talking about his charm or dropdead looks.

so yeah. that's why i'm not replying to your texts.

that and also the fact that my last bill went up to a cool 100 bucks.

Besides, it's also a test for you.

to see whether you really truly care.

ergh. there is something seriously wrong with my fingers today.

i seem to be making stupid typing errors.

Oh yeah, Ahn, i had a very nice time talking to you yesterday.

A very well worth 4 hours and sleeping at 5 in the morning.

And god, we're so alike that it's extremely freaky.

i guess that's why we click so well cos i understand you greatly due to the little fact that you're exactly like me.

and the codes you gave me were fun to work out. good exercise for my brain so i can also grow more dendrites.yupz.

:)

and to shaf: girl, there's a reason why i keep saying i'm perceptive you know. I can read your mind and i always know when you have something you're not telling me. so you know the conclusion right? don't even try to keep anything from me. haha. lotsa love girl. glad you're on your way. :)

Lastly, to all my loves out there, i just got this to say:

I + the opposite of W + initial of ICE + twice the letter before T + 3/4 of X + the 15th letter + half of O

(psst. work it out. only that way you'll get what i wanna say. heh muchos credit goes out to Ahn for giving me that code. haha.)

G'night world.

Sleep tight stars.

Lotsa love for all my loves.

Bad habits result in self-drug graves

Just got back science mcq results today.

it hit me in a moment of self-realisation that i can make it if i put in the effort.

of course there's also the carelessness in the equation but that's something everyone faces so i can't really do much except read the question 3 times before concluding an asnwer.

So in full spirit of my renewed motivation, which had died down due to the end of prelims,

i did notes on cells and as what i did for SS and history, stapled it on my bio book which is incidentally falling apart even as i am typing this.

I am filled with a sense of satisfaction and pride for managing to complete 1 chapter.

yes i know cells is the most basic thing which every bio student worth his salt ought to know

but it just felt good.

so just allow me this small chance to seep myself in this good feeling.

hmm.

Recently,i got a lot of requests from people to change the way i live my life and ditch some of my bad habits.

namely reading all that fanfiction involving guy on guy relationships and everything of that sort.

and chatting too much in chat rooms.

yup. basically that's it.

well, i can only say that i'm happy with the way i'm living my life currently.

i know it's not perfect but i'm not striving for perfection.

what's important to me is that i live my life to the fullest and enjoy every single minute god grants me breath.

Yes there are still things i do that i shouldn't be doing because it's technically ruining me.

But honestly, the bad habits i have now is nothing compared to what i used to do not more than 6 months ago.

i stopped my long "friendship" with self-mutilation.

it took a long time but i am fully over it now.

i stopped overdosing on my migraine pills.

i stopped basically harming myself.

And that to me is a huge change.

they were bad habits that most certainly resulted in a self-dug grave.

and i've quit them.

so you'll have to excuse me if i'm not going to stop reading fanfictions or chatting in chat rooms.

i am fully aware that they are bad habits but they are so inferior when compared to the bad habits i gave up.

and i don't plan on giving up these inferior bad habits anytime soon.

so suck it up or simply just take your leave.

Sidenote: Hady won Singapore Idol! i am extremely elated he won and i admit i was shocked when gurmit announced his name cos' there was the whole rumour going around that Hady was lacking in the votes.But wow, he got goddamn 70% of the votes! Congrats to him. He does have more talent and the x-factor essential in an idol not to mention the looks and charm to supprt that. And apparently it doesn't hurt that he has rich fans, namely people like nirosha who voted 100 times. that is just utterly crazy.

Last sidenote: Whatever gave people the idea that i am in love? its so absurd and preposterous that its laughable. yes i was in love but now? i think i'm more out of love.

I don't want to make you sway

This is my second time blogging today.

Apparently the lure of blogger.com is too great for me to resist.

The Perisher's Sway is playing on and on in my head.

So i just thought i'd do a little dedication.

To:

Shasha, my sister from another mother

Abg Wan, my in-built life support system

Kak Ann, my idol and inspiration

Nadia, my personal SOS

Shafiqah, my pillar of strength

'Asyura, my biggest confidante

Albaniah, the colour to my world

Afiq, the big brother i never had

Raihan, the best telepathic guy friend i can ever wish for

Farhan, my literal life saviour

and lastly, to you. you know who you are.

It's your favourite Perisher's song.

It was you who picked

the pieces up

When I was a broken soul

And then glued me

back together

Returned to me what

others stole

I don't wanna hurt you

I don't wanna make you sway

Like I know I've done before

I will not do it anymore

I've always been a dreamer

I've had my head among

the clouds

Now that I'm coming down

Won't you be my solid ground?

I look at you and see a friend

I hope that's what you wanna be

Are we back now where

it all began?

Have you finally forgiven me?

You gathered my dreams in

When they all blew away

And then tricked them

back into me

You saved me I was

almost dead

Sugar-coated and covered in chocolate

It's already 3.57.

Gotta be getting home soon or i'm gonna be late for buker.

Hope my mum whips up something delish today.

Anyway, i'm at one end of the abysmal row of computers in the school library and those 3 goons are at the other end and laughing their ass off.

Kind of nice to get some alone space without having shaf poke me in the ribs every five minutes or so.

I'm desperately trying to ignore the chilling cold travelling throuh the veins of my fingers, wrapping itself layer by layer over my bones.

I really think the air-con is on too low.

or maybe it's just me.

noone else around me seems to be suffering the effects of severe frostbite.

Hmm.

I'm in a very reflective mood today.

there's quite a tornado ravaging through my brain.

there's just so much i want to say but then i don't want to overkill and besides, don't think my fingers will permit anything lengthy.

Something someone said to me last night right before i close my eyes hit a little nerve i didn't even know existed.

Yet, i admit, what said person told me is full of truth.

which incidentally was the subject in question.

truth.

I learned the hard way that i must always tell the truth.

sure, we all lie but sometimes, a small white lie can turn huge in the blink of an eye.

and that's when you'll be struggling to find a foothold just to keep up with the small little white lie that has morphed into something so huge you barely can believe it.

and then of course there's always the problem that even you will start to believe your own lies.

and trust me when that happens, it's gonna be damn hard to extract the fact from fiction.

Then you'll find yourself living a lie through your teeth and in the end, when it all gets too much(supposing that this happens)

you'll struggle to define the real truth in the first place.

and you fight like shit to keep the lie going.

According to the experts, that's what pathological and serial liars do.

the extreme at which they go to keep their lies going is surprising yet chillingly believable. (but that's the point right?)

my point it that if you have to even travel to other countries and send letters home attached with documents of various acheivements, there is seriously something wrong.

And i suppose the unintended consequence behind this is that you not only deceive your loved ones but technically, you're also deceiving yourself.

And that's just not on.

I'm thinking that in the end, it all comes down to trust.

The fact is that even if you take the effort to sugar-coat and cover your words in chocolate, if people don't trust you, nothing you ever say is going to be taken in by them.

and that is a sad fact.

moral of the story?

Don't abuse the trust someone has granted you because it may take forever for the person to trust you again.

hmm.

enough on the subject for now.

shall explore the depths at which the topic can be exploited at a later time.

When pain is all that you give me

I thought things between us is over.

i thought we could move on.

i thought i could move on.

Why do you keep coming back and hurting me?

why?

i know i did you wrong.

I cursed you to hell.

But you didn't have to say all that about me ok.

Why are you doing this to me?

Why do you keep wanting to hurt me?

i haven't shed a single tear over you and now i'm crying so hard i cant even see the keyboard properly.

I say i hate you but i can't.

why can't god just let me hate you?

won't things be so much easier.

love is so beautiful.

loving you was wonderful.

but i guess god gave me your love so that i can know the true meaning of pain at your hands.

why is god doing this to me?

it's like i haven't suffered enough hurt.

it's like i haven't been through enough pain.

ergh

i hate crying.

Strange as it seems

Finally. Finally all the major papers are past.

Prelims is finally coming to a close after more than a month.

Of course the end of prelims spells the start of a very short-lived celebration by practically

every single one of the sec. 4s.

it's like what ms. lui said, if you want to enjoy, enjoy all you want now because

after the end of the weekend, there will be no more enjoying until after the big O's are over.

so to start of the start of my celebration, i went out wif Iq.

Went home first to freshen up a little and change and then headed over to causeway point to

watch a movie with him.

Being me, i made the mistake of deciding to take the train there.

Now, those who has experienced doing that before will understand why i said its a mistake.

27 stops.

That's the number of stops it took to reach woodlands from pasir ris.

I reached there around 2.40 and waited for him to make his appearance.

I wasn't really nervous but somehow, i could not conjure up the image of his face in my mind.

in simpler words, i can't remember what exactly he looks like.

Then suddenly this tall,thin and fair guy materialised in front of me and grinned.

my first impression of him?

well, he doesn't look 19 for one. he looks about 16 or 17 cos' he has this boyish air around him.

at least the plus point is that he's the kind of guy i get attracted to- tall and lean.

I can't stand buffed guys for some reason.

So we walked into causeway point and i'm just struck by how tall he is.

and when i say that, i mean taller then most average singaporean guys.

So we headed to cathay to get the tickets.

I was tempted to watch heart cos according to shaf, it's worth watching but then again, i didn't want to be crying my heart out in front of iq.

so i thought of watching hot jesse metcalfe in john tucker but we missed the earliest show by 15 minutes so we bought tickets for heart or rather he bought tickets for heart.

then, since he knows i haven't eaten anything since 5 in the morning, he suggested lunch at kfc.

so we had lunch and talked.

I don't know why but its pretty easy talking to him.

we never run out of topics to talk about.

So after that we went up again and went in.

Strange as it seems, we apparently were the only two watching the show.

lolz.

so the show started and then 3 more people showed up so it was only 5 of us.

The show was so sad.

One of the saddest shows i've watched.

There were so many touching moments and i honestly felt like crying but i couldn't cos of iq.

besides, the cinema was too cold.

it was literally freezing.

I'm surprised both of us didn't turn to popsicles.

I was in long sleeves and wearing my converses but i could still feel the cold paralysing my veins.

iq ended up clutching my arm for warmth and there were parts that weren't funny at all but we were laughing.

and hah. he teared a little.

he offered to send me home but that's a little ridiculous cos' he would just have to go all the way back.

anyway, i had a nice time.it was a good start to the celebration bit.

the troublr started on the way home.

i took 168 and i fell asleep and ended up in bedok.

took the train back and then realised that my ez-link card has zilch cents in it so i had to walk home.

it took a freaking half and hour.

but it's good exercise so i'm not complaining.

and iq: i don't care, you are so going to learn how to ice-skate. don't worry about falling down cos' i'm no pro either so between us, there willbe plenty of falls.

Lastly,

to the he-who-must-not-be-named-and-will-henceforth-cease-in-my-life mat rep,

i just have to say that i am not going to bother with the likes of you anymore.

after last night, i've seen your true colours and it disgusts me.

you're one to talk about respect when the first thing you said when i answered the phone was ;

"eh pompuan, kau asal?"

i supposed you'll like it if i call you "eh jantan"?

and your're an MCP. male chauvinist pig.

a sexist.

a player.

and goddamn contradictory.

good riddance.

Anyway, to all the sec 4 people out there, happy enjoying the end of prelims.

preservere. its only a month or so more and then the chains will be lifter and we're all gonna be free.

we can do this.

good night world.

lotsa love.

and remember,always smile.

Sometimes doing what's right hurts

Technically, right now, i'm numb.

indifferent.

I'm not allowing myself to feel.

I've put up this concrete wall around my heart so darts of pain can't penetrate through.

constantly, i'm telling myself that i'm okay.

and that it doesn't hurt.

But that's all bullshit.

it does hurt.

doing what's right hurts.

the moment it dawned on me what i had to do, that concrete wall was already set up.

And when shaf told me what you said to her to tell me,

it hit hard but i just let it bounce off.

I know that if i allow myself to feel, i won't stop crying.

and i know i can't afford that what with prelims still on going.

i've got a sneaking suspicion that i've just let got of something that i should have held on to.

i lacked faith.

And i'm sorry.

I know i've hurt you real bad.

I know I promised you so much yet i went ahead and broke evey single one of them.

i don't know what to say.

If your asking me whether i still love you.

yes. i still do.

a lot.

But i had to do what's right.

even if it hurts like shit.

It's not fair to you to continue letting you feel guilty.

you deserve so much better.

i'm not good enough for you.

I'm too plain. Outdated.

not for you.

you need someone better than me.

I'm sorry it has to come down to this.

I'm sorry i hurt you.

I just got this to say. You're not the only one battered in this.

fuck.

This is why i hate doing what's right.

I hate doing what people want me to do.

Sometimes, fact is, doing what's right hurts.

And he's back in the game

It's 9.21 and i just got home roughly an hour ago.

Lit paper just now went better than i expected owing to the fact that i didn't study.

it was okay though.

partly because i didn't expect the British education system to come out since we've totally exhausted the topic in class.

But, to my utter surprise, it came out.

I could definately hear the sighs of relief all around me.

Renee was actually exclaiming "yes!" and shaking her fist in the air as though she just won the hundred-meter dash.

The unseen sucked though.

I somehow got the feeling that Mrs. Loe set the set text question and Mrs. Hoe set the unseen.

It's kinda typical of her to spring something that unexpected on us.

so then came the moment for the outing.

You could say that it was fun.Another "wow". :)

I thoroughly enjoyed watching shaf panic and turn into a nervous wreck the moment we were dismissed from the hall.

Both of them, being naz and farihin who i'm learning to call in, were supposed to be outside school at the famed TKGS bustop on Haig road at exactly 1 pm.

Since we had to make a detour to the main gate to get our asses out of school, we arrived at the bustop at around 1.30.

no sign of them. not even a shadow.

Naturally, we called and were told they just reached Paya Lebar and were walking to the bustop in question.

But, being them, they got lost and we wasted half an hour walking back and forth from Haig road to Dunman road trying to find them.

When we did find the two goons, tempers as well as the temperature was sky high.

So we got on the bus and walked to East Coast.

Sat down at the food court according to Shaf's sitting plan.

Ate western food then we just chilled at a corner of the park.

Naz was singing and krapping as usual.

I have a good feeling that he's made an enemy in shaf cos' he kept on teasing her and in.

Then we walked to Parkway Parade since both of them have never been there due to the fact that they're west side boys.

Then since it was running late, we decided to head home.

And, being the perfect gentlemen, both of them decided to send us home.

Shaf and in were listening to my iPod and me and naz were just sitting.

(yeah. i can hear you thinking "yeah right" but hey, we're on the bus you know.)

then suddenly in turned to naz;

"Naz. uh...6 years ah. we together ah."

"Oh...So 6 years than ehem 3 months?"

"Yup. Then together register ah."

"haha...ok ok. then after that 9 months ah. same hospital. same operation theatre. side by side."

"Yup. heh."

Honestly. lolz. i was laughing my ass off but shaf didn't get it.

So no more mention of the topic although me and naz kept throwing both of them covert looks.

then, we passed by Changi General Hospital.

"Naz. That's the hospital."

"Nope. I don't want. Gleanagles."

"Shit ah. expensive."

"if you want budget version, go back kampung ah. free. mak bidan ader."

honestly.

Such bright guys but so full of nonsense and krap.

Anyway, me and naz have got a bet going on about those two.

and bie, i've got a feeling i'm going to win and you're going to owe me a movie treat.

:)

I've just got this to say to in; "hey. you're back in the game."

All the best.

The ironies of life

Once again, I am warming the same chair in the same cold library.

History exam just ended about 15 minutes ago.

It went alright by standards.

Much better than disastrous SS.

At least now i'm quite sure i can somehow scrape a pass in combined humans.

Maths earlier in the morning went much better than expected.

The paper was manageable and i found myself wishing heartily that i had bothered to put in the effort to study.

Anyway like what darling bie likes to say, "Let bygones be bygones."

Oh yay. tomorrow is Thursday.

Please let everything be alright so i can meet you tomorrow.

Plus, Shaf is all excited to meet Farihin.

Strange isn't it.

Of all the people on alamak chat. She happened to meet the close friend of Naz.

Fate?

yup. I like to think that fate has a hand in all these.

Speaking of fate, irony is closely tied with fate.

Take this convo between me and Naz.

Randomly saying; "I hate mats and minahs."

silence

"U...I'm a mat."

silence.

Oh dear god. I fell in love with a mat. a mat rep somemore.

lolz.

I know all those who know me will see the humour in this.

Since, i make my sentiments on mats and minahs known to one and all.

This is what you call the irony of life.

Thank You

I know I'm supposed to be studying.

Yes bie i know you want me to focus and study my ass off.

But, right now, my brain really can't take in anymore about any kind of war and political reforms and whatnot.

so the hols just flew by.

and before i could properly grasp it, it slipped through my fingers.

I had one hell of a time yesterday.

Yup i acknowledged that my feet is suffering from the mother of all blisters and it's aching like shit. (the effects of trying to walk from the esplanade to orchard via fort canning park.Yes, i know the government created transportation systems like the MRT for a reason but we just wanted to walk)

BUT

all of that is worth every single second of the day i had with you yesterday.

The only word i can think of to describe yesterday is "wow" and actually, that's not even a word.

anyway, my purpose blogging today is to thank all the people that have been in my life.

Thank you to:

Ibu, for teaching me the meaning of life and how to smile

Ayah, for teaching me how to face the world head on and how to be a better person

Ira, my darling sister for everything and every night you stayed awake listening to me

Nazirul Muzakir, for showing me true love and for loving me with all your heart and soul

Shasha, my sister from another mother

Abg Wan, my SOS and my life saver

Raihan, my telepathic best guy friend

Afiq, my long lost big brother

Nadia, my closest cousin ever

Shafiqah, my pillar of strength

'Asyura, my confidant and longest friend

Albaniah, my very own Dolby surroud sound loudspeaker and my colour pencil

Syazana, my queen of sarcasm and my first saviour

Nashitah, my hazel-eyed princess and the friend that knows me most

Amirah, my ray of sunshine and another friend that knows me the most

Safinaz, my chill-out-to-music radiohead fanatic buddy

Farhana, my hyper driven one of a kind feline friend

Zawani, my blur yet so all knowing friend and my pull back to earth during that monday on the stairs

Beatrice, my bitching partner and in-built entertainment system

Gerry, my fellow Torres lover and my ink and paper twin

Abby, my hug-you-tight-until-you-die classmate

and everyone else that i might have missed out.

I love all of you and i can't imagine my life without any of you.

toodles love.

Love at first sight does exist

Whoa. The events of the past 2 days has left me reeling.

but, in a good way.

However, before i start,

a shoutout to one Muhd Baihaqi Ilham Mohd Wan Hakim:

I truly have nothing to say to you.

I realised that our relationship was just based purely on lust.

I find myself doubting whether i have ever really loved you or i was just with you because i felt good and needed.

I knew then that it's the end.

A relationship based purely on lust will never last.

So suffice to say, ours just didn't.

I can't even remember when we last had a proper conversation.

The only thing i remember is that rush of adrenalin and that whirlwind of kisses.

It's over Haqi.

I realised that you're not the one i really want.

You don't and never have appreciated me.

Sure, we had good times but it's not enough.

I want someone who will love me more than the sands on the seabed and more than the stars in the sky and more than every breath he takes.

Sure, you said you did but you never showed it.

You never got the fact that it's the little things that you do that truly matters.

somehow, my "prince charming" turned out to be a rusted tin man.

So,with that, i wish you all the best and may you find a girl who, you will love with all your heart.

please move on and stop bugging me.

Moving on, there's this poem i found on the internet that ends with the line "if you believe in love at first sight, you will never stop looking."

I never really believed in love at first sight.

until it happened to me.

I know it's strange and some people may not understand.

after all, i only got to know you 2 days ago and i've never even met you.

But, i'd like to think that it was fate that somehow made me click on your screen name in the chat room and it was also fate that made you decide to call me when you had 3 other numbers to call.

It's like you said, " sometimes feelings can appear when you least expect it and in very strange situations."

i'm still reeling.

It's just that feeling that is so hard to describe and only those who have been through it will know what i'm talking about.

As i'm typing this, i'm missing you a lot.

and it's really strange but somehow, i got a feeling you're the prince charming i've been waiting for.

I only have this to say to you:

"Cinta adalah anugerah yang kuasa.

Dan bila terasa betapa indahnya cinta pandang pertama.

Andai ku bisa, akan ku balas semua yang pernah engkau berikan.

Terima kasih dariku atas ketulusanmu menyayangi diriku."

[Love is a gift from god. And when you feel how wonderful love at first sight is.If i could, i would repay all that you have ever granted me. Thank you from me for your sincerity in loving me.]

So thank you for loving me Muhammad Nazirul Muzakir Muhammad Yusof.

Paint the lily

Heh. I expected a lot of tags after that last post of mine.

Anyway, just to clear things up, that post was just my own way of answering all the questions that are left hanging.

Mrs. Yeo said i should answer all this questions.

And so i did.

I don't see the harm in answering questions that would otherwise be left unanswered.

if no one wants to answer, then might as well i answer them right?

anyway, i assure you that i'm getting extremely tired with all this so this is going to be the last ever shit on the subject that you will hear from me.

And nikki dearest, what answer did you give me??

Cos truly, i don't remember you telling me WHY it was so long.

That's all i want to know. Why.

I'm not stupid enough or fool enough to think that tings are gonna get past what it is know.

And hey, i acknowledged my mistakes. Yes, i walked away.

But then, you just let me didn't you?

so honestly, its a two-way kinda thing.

We both made mistakes.

I acknowledged that i did. But will you ever?

I don't think so.

But no matter.

It makes no difference.

Cos now it just hit me that the answer i wanted, is never going to come.

And what's this rubbish about pets? i only have one pet and that is Kiara the kitty.

I know you've got feelings too cos you're humans. Just like me.

you're actually gonna tell that to me? of all people when you of all people should know full well the extent to which i understand feelings seeing as how i can read yours with no problem.

Heh. strange isn't it?

how life twists you in its little game.

I can say that i really really CANNOT wait to move on to another school and make new friends.

cos then, i won't have to see you again and get reminded of old times.

its called moving on and hey, i fully embrace it with open arms.

actually, truth is, i have moved on.

i moved on a long time ago when i realised that you're not coming back. (i think a part of me always realised it.)

Heh, nikki, you said it yourself. I've moved on with my life and i'm much happier now.

thank the good lord.

so anyway, thank you all of you for having some sort of impact on my life. The ride was sweet and cool while it lasted. gotta give you kudos for putting up with me all those times.

I truly salute you and especially your patience. And i mean every word i say.

Moving on from dysfunctional friendships and all that drama,

I went back to see Dr. Fung yesterday.

You know the thing i absolutely detest about hospitals is the waiting time.

I mean seriously, everytime i have an appointment with him, we gotta wait about 2 hours or so.

And the ironic thing is that the actual consultation lasts about 5 minutes.

Basically what he does is just ask a couple of routine questions, ask me to extend my arms to check for shaking and then promptly prescribes another month's worth of fluoxetine which is basically a nicer way of saying prozac.

This time round however, he decided to do me a favour and took me off the prozac (finally. Thank god.)and then he gave me something for the migraines i've been having.

So then we, being me and my mum, headed off to the counter tingy to fix another appointment.

Met a couple of nurses along the way.

I'm surprised they still knew my name.

Anway, its a bit strange the way they look at you. They have this wary look in their eyes and their expressions show just how tired they all are of dealing with patients like me.

I guess taking care of us is a lot of hard work.

gotta give them credit for the level of dedication they put into their work.

I'll admit, even i won't be able to stand kids like Brandon.

And god, i hope it never crosses their mind to employ someone like me cos i'll just lose all the keys seeing as how all the doors in and out of the place has to be locked and there are just so many layers of doors.

Actually, i kinda look forward to going back there.

Not because i have a crush on Dr Fung or something. (sorry but that's just way out of line.)

I look forward to the clamness and tranquility the place exudes.

It's a nice place really.

One where you can gather your thoughts and just relax.

I remember when I was there, we had group therapy and all that.

It was fun just doing simple things like painting and making pizza.

I remember how Ryan taught me how to make a dessert pizza which consisted of kaya spread on the base and peaches on top and then eating it with a generous scoop of chocolate ice cream when it's fresh out of the oven.

yummy.

We had lotsa good times playing scrabble too.

I remember how Seng Ho outwitted all of us.

Strange thing is, we all were good in english seeing as how we ALL take pure literature.

weird right?

coincidence?

i like to think it was karma that brought as all together at the same time at the sunrise wing of the hospital.

Karma helped us all bond together and share our troubles.

It was there, on the green coloured sofas, surrounded by dancing flowers on the walls, we all let go of all our inhibitions.

And it helped. a lot.

We still keep in touch even now.

Me, xin min, Ginger and Li Choo.

Friends that i have made through Karma's hand.

Sometimes, when i tell people i made friends there, they give me this sceptical look and i know they don't believe me cos to them, how can people with my condition be able to extend hands towards each other.

But they forgot, friendship doesn't discriminate.

It can be found anywhere and everywhere.

We're living proof.