Paint the lily

Heh. I expected a lot of tags after that last post of mine.

Anyway, just to clear things up, that post was just my own way of answering all the questions that are left hanging.

Mrs. Yeo said i should answer all this questions.

And so i did.

I don't see the harm in answering questions that would otherwise be left unanswered.

if no one wants to answer, then might as well i answer them right?

anyway, i assure you that i'm getting extremely tired with all this so this is going to be the last ever shit on the subject that you will hear from me.

And nikki dearest, what answer did you give me??

Cos truly, i don't remember you telling me WHY it was so long.

That's all i want to know. Why.

I'm not stupid enough or fool enough to think that tings are gonna get past what it is know.

And hey, i acknowledged my mistakes. Yes, i walked away.

But then, you just let me didn't you?

so honestly, its a two-way kinda thing.

We both made mistakes.

I acknowledged that i did. But will you ever?

I don't think so.

But no matter.

It makes no difference.

Cos now it just hit me that the answer i wanted, is never going to come.

And what's this rubbish about pets? i only have one pet and that is Kiara the kitty.

I know you've got feelings too cos you're humans. Just like me.

you're actually gonna tell that to me? of all people when you of all people should know full well the extent to which i understand feelings seeing as how i can read yours with no problem.

Heh. strange isn't it?

how life twists you in its little game.

I can say that i really really CANNOT wait to move on to another school and make new friends.

cos then, i won't have to see you again and get reminded of old times.

its called moving on and hey, i fully embrace it with open arms.

actually, truth is, i have moved on.

i moved on a long time ago when i realised that you're not coming back. (i think a part of me always realised it.)

Heh, nikki, you said it yourself. I've moved on with my life and i'm much happier now.

thank the good lord.

so anyway, thank you all of you for having some sort of impact on my life. The ride was sweet and cool while it lasted. gotta give you kudos for putting up with me all those times.

I truly salute you and especially your patience. And i mean every word i say.

Moving on from dysfunctional friendships and all that drama,

I went back to see Dr. Fung yesterday.

You know the thing i absolutely detest about hospitals is the waiting time.

I mean seriously, everytime i have an appointment with him, we gotta wait about 2 hours or so.

And the ironic thing is that the actual consultation lasts about 5 minutes.

Basically what he does is just ask a couple of routine questions, ask me to extend my arms to check for shaking and then promptly prescribes another month's worth of fluoxetine which is basically a nicer way of saying prozac.

This time round however, he decided to do me a favour and took me off the prozac (finally. Thank god.)and then he gave me something for the migraines i've been having.

So then we, being me and my mum, headed off to the counter tingy to fix another appointment.

Met a couple of nurses along the way.

I'm surprised they still knew my name.

Anway, its a bit strange the way they look at you. They have this wary look in their eyes and their expressions show just how tired they all are of dealing with patients like me.

I guess taking care of us is a lot of hard work.

gotta give them credit for the level of dedication they put into their work.

I'll admit, even i won't be able to stand kids like Brandon.

And god, i hope it never crosses their mind to employ someone like me cos i'll just lose all the keys seeing as how all the doors in and out of the place has to be locked and there are just so many layers of doors.

Actually, i kinda look forward to going back there.

Not because i have a crush on Dr Fung or something. (sorry but that's just way out of line.)

I look forward to the clamness and tranquility the place exudes.

It's a nice place really.

One where you can gather your thoughts and just relax.

I remember when I was there, we had group therapy and all that.

It was fun just doing simple things like painting and making pizza.

I remember how Ryan taught me how to make a dessert pizza which consisted of kaya spread on the base and peaches on top and then eating it with a generous scoop of chocolate ice cream when it's fresh out of the oven.

yummy.

We had lotsa good times playing scrabble too.

I remember how Seng Ho outwitted all of us.

Strange thing is, we all were good in english seeing as how we ALL take pure literature.

weird right?

coincidence?

i like to think it was karma that brought as all together at the same time at the sunrise wing of the hospital.

Karma helped us all bond together and share our troubles.

It was there, on the green coloured sofas, surrounded by dancing flowers on the walls, we all let go of all our inhibitions.

And it helped. a lot.

We still keep in touch even now.

Me, xin min, Ginger and Li Choo.

Friends that i have made through Karma's hand.

Sometimes, when i tell people i made friends there, they give me this sceptical look and i know they don't believe me cos to them, how can people with my condition be able to extend hands towards each other.

But they forgot, friendship doesn't discriminate.

It can be found anywhere and everywhere.

We're living proof.