Sometimes doing what's right hurts

Technically, right now, i'm numb.

indifferent.

I'm not allowing myself to feel.

I've put up this concrete wall around my heart so darts of pain can't penetrate through.

constantly, i'm telling myself that i'm okay.

and that it doesn't hurt.

But that's all bullshit.

it does hurt.

doing what's right hurts.

the moment it dawned on me what i had to do, that concrete wall was already set up.

And when shaf told me what you said to her to tell me,

it hit hard but i just let it bounce off.

I know that if i allow myself to feel, i won't stop crying.

and i know i can't afford that what with prelims still on going.

i've got a sneaking suspicion that i've just let got of something that i should have held on to.

i lacked faith.

And i'm sorry.

I know i've hurt you real bad.

I know I promised you so much yet i went ahead and broke evey single one of them.

i don't know what to say.

If your asking me whether i still love you.

yes. i still do.

a lot.

But i had to do what's right.

even if it hurts like shit.

It's not fair to you to continue letting you feel guilty.

you deserve so much better.

i'm not good enough for you.

I'm too plain. Outdated.

not for you.

you need someone better than me.

I'm sorry it has to come down to this.

I'm sorry i hurt you.

I just got this to say. You're not the only one battered in this.

fuck.

This is why i hate doing what's right.

I hate doing what people want me to do.

Sometimes, fact is, doing what's right hurts.