I feel good today

I'm finally done with my PI template A.

It's such a huge relief to be done with it.

I don't want the weekend to end cos that'll mean I have to start stressing.

Still, I have all my darlings in 34A with me throughout so I'm foreseeing it won't be so bad.

Shout out to Khairin: Thanks for your message. So sweet. :)

And also to Ilham: Your message was sweet too. However, it was too early in the morning la dude.

I'm trying to rest completely from now until Sunday.

My body's not aching anymore thanks to all the sleep I got.

That's good.
Although my voice still needs some time to get back to normal.

I'm supposed to meet dilah at white sands but nothing is really planned yet so I think I'll meet her tomorrow since she's going off on Thursday, it's the only day I can meet up with her.

Maybe I'll drag bani along if she's not out lepak-ing or working.

"We are gentlemen."

"No. You're gentle. Not men."

"You guys are the dogs among the bitches."

"34A how you feeling today?"

Well, I'm feeling pretty good. :)

I say 34 you say what

I just got back from camp this morning.

It was damn fun.

I'll just blog a bit and upload the photos later.

Day 1:

This is my most favourite day cos of my most favourite act out of all the three acts we did.

it was dragon-boating and improvised rafting.

34A built a raft that was not as typical as everybody else's.

the raft almost sank with 10 of us on it.

But somehow, we held on and made it there and back again.

:)

Then was dragon boating.

The two guys in front frustrated us girls a little cos they couldn't get the rowing in sync with us.

Ilham acutally resorted to posing and asking us to check whether he was right.

haha. wth.

And then we capsized.

I got stuck under the boat and I quickly swam out but I grabbed someone's hair by accident.

heh.sorry whoever that was.

After showering(I believe I have the record for the fastest shower-er) and dinner and whatnot, it was lights out.

Day 2:

After the 2nd set of PT, I fell out cos my ankle was hurting like shit

(I sprained it trying to get on the dragon boat after we capsized. I dont know how but I did)

Then was kayaking, Lassi told me not to go but I insisted so I went and got partnered up with Andy from 26A(I think).

Kayaked 4 km then I got out of the kayak and my knee jammed.

(Somehow the sprain traveled? or some shit.)

I was pretty much incapacitated.

Ilham offered to piggy back me but failed so he just swung me up and carried me like that.

Aww. so sweet. Thanks Ilham. :)

After lunch was orienteering and it started raining like mad but we still went ahead.

It was a new experience, orienteering in the rain.

I sat out during nova cos running was involved and since I'm not in any shape to run (or more like my ankle is not in any shape to run) I'll slow the class down.

So I sat out with Vani.

Truthfully, even if I didn't voluntarily sit out, all of them would have forced me to.

The 2nd night was colder and I shivered like shit.

In a totally stupid mistake, I went up the wrong stairs and ended up in the guy's bunks when I went to the toilet in the middle of the night.

Best thing is, I didn't even realise it until I was half way into the bunk.

The guys were all sleeping straight like wooden planks so that's when it clicked.

God. so bodo.

We had campfire and Taurus rocked the house down!

34A and 43A did this really cool thing.

43A had a whole body percussion thing going on and 34A danced.

It was pretty. :)

I resisted looking to my left because I knew Syafiq would see me and laugh his head off since he observes Shaf's head.

I swear he gives me this half-grin everytime we both know both of us will have a little trouble getting some of the moves. And then we both laugh. haha

Day 3:

Was basically nothing.

Some of us;

me, nami, shaf, fiqah, ilham, khairin, naz, lassi and yen ling went for a bite at banquet.

took a long time walking up and down.

In the end me and fiqah bought spaghetti.

she finished mine up since I got so irritated with all the veggies.

then we all went our separate ways home.

Me and shaf took 168 to tamp where she left me alone.

I ended up in the library trying to find something substantial for my PI.

Stayed until 3.45 and I went home.

I was super cranky sue to major lack of sleep (I just can't sleep anywhere else except my own house. well, at least not a deep kinda sleep.)

I slept all the way until 11 when mum woke me up to shower.

So that's a glance at what happened.

It barely scrapes the surface though.

Shall get the photos from Ilham and Nad and Naz, so I can upload it here.

Oh yes, 34A rocks!!

Love all of you guys;

Shaf, Nami, Fiqah,Nad, Ain, Khairin, Naz, Serene, Ying ling, Yen ling, Shimin,Shireen, Lassi, Vanita,Jia ling,Liyana, Ilham, Syafiq

Thanks for the memories.

I had one of the best-est camps ever.

Hopefully lots more memories to come.

:)

This ship has taken me nowhere nice

This ship I'm on, it's taken me nowhere nice this week.
Sailing tempestuous oceans, everything is turbulent.
I lost my equilibrium sometime around thursday.
All through sunday to wednesday, the ship took me to calm and tranquil seas and let me enjoy the ride, letting me feel the euphoria of flying with the cool sea breeze whipping my hair.
Kinda like Rose in Titanic.
I think the ride turned 360 degrees at the point where I lost my phone and iPod.
Yes. That has got to the the single moment that the ship almost capsized.
Apparently, I left them on the toilet paper dispenser in the toilet.
Luck was on my side and a good samaritan returned them to me.
But my equilibrium was already lost.
The remainder of the day saw me struggle to regain some semblance of balance.
Shaf helped me retain a little sense of sanity but it wasn't enough for me to regain my balance.
Before I could stop it, a catharsis of emotions occured.
The breakdown that was pending came without any warning.
There wasn't even any real catalyst to the breakdown.
It just happened.
You know how life's like a bicycle?
You have to keep your balance or you'll crash.
So I crashed.
simple as that.
I got a feeling it was due to all the shit I've been keeping in since December.
And finally, I just cracked from the strain.
People all say it's good that I finally had the breakdown.
And I agree with them.
Still doesn't make it any less painful or easier.
However, I know this lack of equilibrium is temporaray and I'll get it back sooner rather than later.
And this ship I'm on, it'll take me on the euphoric flying journey towards the starlight.

She's the personification of a simile

I never pass judgements on people. That's me.

I'm unjudgemental by nature.

You can say that I'm pretty indifferent.

Even if someone I pass roll their eyes at me, I'm indifferent to it.

And I don't immediatly label them.

But sometimes, a certain character just gives me a concrete reason to hate their guts.

As much as I don't want to, when it is a very very concrete reason, I can't help it.

I'm a human being.

I have limits.

My gp lecturer just now gave an extremely concrete reason.

She's about as nice as sirius's mum in JK Rowling's Harry Potter. maybe even nicer.

A hell lot nicer.

And her voice, it reached such a pitched decibel I thought not even possible in the natural world.

Surely it's a feat not achieved by many.

I tuned out after a while and resorted to cursing and muttering under my breath.

Shaf did the same thing and so did the guy beside me.

Vanitha and Lassi werre playing bingo behind us.

everybody in front was ramrod straight and all but us, lesser mortals at the back ignored her totally.

I swear if she is my gp tutor, I will scream so loud until the aliens on planet mars can hear me.

It's also really weird to call fiqah. since I'm sort of calling my name.

Incidentally she does have my name!

Mrs Sharan says our class is full of FIQs :

ShaFIQah, AFIQah, FIQah, SyaFIQ.

In retrospective glasses

0734A is a class full of roses. 17 roses and 2 thorns (Ilham and Syafiq).
I forsee no problems bonding with my classmates.
They're all very fun although I hope they get used to me and Shaf shooting our mouths off during class.
Namira asked whether we knew each other before.
There was this moment of hesitation before we both proclaimed that yes we knew each other.
And yes we were from the same secondary school.
Yes we were in the same class for four years.
And yes we're in the same class now.
haha.

School is turning out to be extremely fun.
My lessons are all great with the obvious exception being maths.
I was struggling a little (maybe more than a little) during maths lecture simply because I forgot how to draw a straight line.
Maths brings out all my insecurities. It's something that I'm just not naturally inclined to therefore I'm not much good at it.
In fact,I'm quite rubbish at it.

Lit made up for it with all the fun.
Ms Yap taught us imagery and she made us see imagery in songs like Higher by Creed, Loving Arms by The Dixie Chicks and a couple of others including an Austin Powers remix of an old song.
GP early in the morning was extremely entertaining and interesting as well.
Mrs Sharan taught us a little on mass media, she showed us a couple of clips but it was the responses from some of us that cracked me up. :)
Oh yes, apparently there's a size 00 now.
God. How tiny is that?!?

Oh yes, I'm in love with my graphic calculator. It is the coolest thing I have seen in the form of a calculator.
It's a little slow but the functions are whoa.
No shit there.

I'm getting a headache from the direct result of wearing glasses.
Which I havent even touched in close to 2 years.
It's a little weird and my degree for glasses went a little higher.
maybe that explains the headache.

"What other forms of plastic surgery are there besides Lipo?"
"Mammogram!"

"If you can't remember their names, you have to buy for them chocolate. So Ilham what's her name?"
"Cher, I think I need to buy her chocolate."

"Marilyn Monroe was a size sixteen. That means she was voluptuous."
"No cher. Bulky."

"Omg. It's super hot in here."
"Well that's because I'm sitting beside you."

"Other than weight, what else does a woman have issues with?"
"her Boobies!!"

"Moby Dick became Moby's Dick."
"???!!!!!!!!!!"

*
"And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die."

Walking on thin ice

People have been telling me to be careful.

I try to be. Honestly.

But it's not like I can filter out every single second of every single day I go through and only keep the moments that doesn't need me to practise constant vigilance.

Walking on thin ice is dangerous and I know it.

And so do most of the people around me.

I suppose that's why there are so many eyes watching me.

They like to think they're discreet but I feel their scutiny.

Sense them watching my every move, calculating when exactly is the precise moment to step in.

Some people like my parents watch me too much, too hard.

That they read signs that are non-existent and words in between every line that are bogus.

Even if I show the slightest crack, they panic and quickly step in no matter how much I insist that it's just a crack.

Just a teeny crack - nothing I can't fix with plaster.

I feel stifled sometimes by their never ceasing scrutiny.

They may not be outright about it, but I still feel them watching me closely.

It's like as though they are afraid something would happen.

I don't blame them.

2006 was one of the roughest years, not only for me but for them as well.

It's just that I wish they'd trust me more.

My sister observes as well.

But she watches me from afar.

She gives me that little bit of trust to sort out my own shit.

But then again, maybe she's just not that kind of person to outrightly say it out.

There are others out there who watch me.

Make sure I don't go overboard.

I appreciate that they're doing that simply because I don't do that for myself as often as I should.

I know without all these people watching over me, I could spin out of control.

And fall down into the icy water below.

It happened once and the water almost drowned me.

Almost.

I did contract hypothermia and that almost destroyed me.

Again, almost.

Going through it once was horrible enough but going through it twice, I don't think I can handle that.

As much as I've gotten over the hypothermia and my body is now safely back at normal temperature,

it's not something I can do over again.

I can't handle another fall.

I can't deal with another major catharsis.

Yet, the ice I'm walking on is thinning.

And I'm so afraid that even with all the people watching, the ice will still break and I'll fall.

You know how some people fear death?

It used to be something I fear a lot.

All alone in a literal hole in the ground, it scared me.

Still does come to think of it.

Just not as badly as it used to.

Now, I fear the ice breaking and me falling.

That point where gravity sucks me down and there's no turning back.

The bliss of 18 hours sleep

I had a marathon sleep session which lasted approximately 18 hours.

From 4 pm yesterday all the way to 10 this morning.

Weird thing is, I'm still a little drained.

I was pretty quiet at Starbucks just now.

Something nikki said made me think a little.

Can you love and hate a person at the same time?

I'm of the opinion you can't.

You either hate or you love.

You hate because you love too much.

Like how I hate you sometimes cos I love you too much.

If only you knew...

I feel so I don't know.

Sometimes I wake up and miss someone so severely it can bring tears to my eyes. (sometimes.)

thing is, I have no idea who I'm missing.

Sometimes I think it's you. but then other times, it's not you, it's you.

And then on other days, it's a totally different you.

Maybe I'm not supposed to pinpoint exactly who it is.

Well whoever it is, I miss you. (if that helps)

"You care about others too much. You never care about yourself enough. So I'll do the caring for you."

"I can't do that again."

"chill. aku ader."

"one day you will. just not now."

"I want to believe that so much."

"I'll be watching you."

*

I thought you changed from A to B but you're a Z now.

The dystopia of Utopia

My eyes are screaming for sleep right now but I still got a lot of stuff I got to do.

Well, maybe the more correct word to use is want.

There is still a lot of stuff(not, and never stuffs) I want to do.

Right now, I'm searching up on a few poets Ms. Yap brought up in the Lit lecture.

Namely; Matthew Arnold, Philip Larkin, Christina Rosetti,Eve Merriam and Sylvia Plath.

Technically the lecture jsut now was a bridging lecture to recap what the first intake students learnt in the first 10 weeks.

Thank god, they made this handy Lit handbook available.

There's a whole host of valuable information inside and even a glossary of terms.

It's way more complicated and complex than O level Literature yet A level Literature makes me fall in love with the sheer beauty of it,every lecture that passes.

I'm starting to pace myself in terms of all the academic stuff I have to handle and especially all the reading I have to do for eng lit, malay lit and history.

It's not gonna be easy (duh) but I''m quite hopeful that with good time management, I can squeeze in most of them in 24 hours.

Besides,I've accepted the inevitable fact that eyebags are a permanent fixture when you go to a jc.

Oh yes, I got into the same class as SHAF. :)

0734A.

that means another 2 years with her, totalling six in all.

Muker kau jerr. cam la dunia ni sempit sampai tak de orang lain yg boleh warnakan hidup aku ni.

It's a relief to have her in my class cos I sure as hell need all the help I can get for maths.

besides, I love her. :) :) :)

Life is so much more fulfilling now that school has started and my brain cells are engaged in intellectual thought.

I'm enjoying school as weird as that sounds.

I'm worrying about people again.

Guess that's just me.

I worry about others.

Right now, I'm worrying about you even though you maintain there is nothing to worry about.

I just worry.

Whatever it is you choose, I just hope that you know I'm here for you if you need me.

(I know you don't really but I like to feel needed so just give me the pleasure of saying that okay. :) haha. )

*

You can love love but you can't hate hate.

Talking to a virtual princess

*

The moral to the story goes

Never leave your heart

In a box

Locked up

With cold cold ice

Never leave your heart alone

- Never leave your heart alone, Butterfly Boucher

I find it easier to express how I feel about something to someone through MSN.

It still has a very superficial quality to it but I just don't open up to people.

not even on the phone.

If you happen to catch me at a right time, I might but mostly, I'll just clam up.

That's just the way I am.

I know Dilah's asking but I can't really bring myself to tell her the details.

I told her the most vague summary that even I was embarassed at myself.

I know it's human to feel and to make mistakes and to have limitations but sometimes, it's just hard to open up.

It's not you. It's me.

Bukan kamu yang salah. Aku yang nggak bisa menyatakan segalanya.

I'm listening to more emo indon songs. Jiwang jgk ah kirakn.

But I prefer indon bands.

*shrugs*

Somehow they just appeal to me more. Besides, I can't really take songs that are way too jiwang.

I feel smothered.

Dygta, Samsons, Peterpan and of course, UNGU.

Oh ya,

I created another blog for all my sajaks since I am so afraid I'm going to lose all my copies so I placed it all on a blog.

The link is there under shaeira.

Yup.

And I'm trying to keep myself hydrated.

I skipped coffee today.

I feel a teeny bit better but I just gotta be careful and watch it.

Dilah kept giving me wtf looks everytime I grabbed her arm yesterday cos I swayed.

And she forced me to drink lots of water at Sakura.

Annoying but I know she means well.

Besides, I worry too much about other people that sometimes, I neglect to take care of myself.

Bani: bodofuck,as much as I'm getting tired, I still fucking love you loads.

I'm happy as long as you're happy.

And I swear as long as you still allow me to care, I will care.

And clean up whatever messes even if it's an oil spill.

Just give me a bit of time and I'll be back.

take care of yourself. you better.

*

I did what I could, I did what I did

Buntu

I'm tired so I'm not going to post about my day in school. Although I just wanna say that I love IJC. It's taking a little while to get used to everything but I love the school and the people. semuer giler sak. baik ah, nnt satu IJC kenal sal memekak sgt.haha :)


Met dilah and shameen after school to go the the IT Fair and both commented on my eyebags and the workload I would have to do later, being a JC student and all. And they rubbed it in with all the stuff Poly students are equipped with. I'm not making sense but whatever.


I found this a little while ago. Wrote it sometime back when I was seriously bored and Bani generously provided me with the word.


BUNTU
Aku mengangkat pena. Buku tulis di hujung meja ku capai dan ku buka lembaran yang baru. Kesucian warna putih lembaran baru dicemar garisan hitam yang teratur kemas. Pena yang sudah siap ku genggam, ku letakkan di bahagian atas lembaran putih. Dakwat di dalam pena mula meninggalkan nokhtah hitam di tengah-tengah garisan. Namun,tanganku terkunci, enggan bergerak. Pena juga tidak menari, membentuk kata-kata yang berserabut di dalam mindaku. Aku memaksa tanganku bergerak. Garisan hitam berdakwat ku lahirkan lalui pena biru. Namun, tidak dapat aku teruskan gerakan tanganku untuk menyempurnakan abjad yang seharusnya lahir dari garisan hitam berdakwat. Fikiranku tiba-tiba gersang. Puing-puing perkataan yang senantiasa berputar ligat di dalam mindaku tiba-tiba hilang. Ah...keluhan terlepas daripada rekahan bibirku. Aku kehilangan ilham yang baru sahaja bertandang dan kini sudah berlalu pergi. Seakan hembusan bayu yang singgah mendakap langsir dan terus berlalu sesaat kemudian. Ah...ternyata, aku sekali lagi BUNTU.


This is another one I found. Argh, I need to write more. The O's totally killed my inspiration. But reading diy's blog inspired me again. (she writes gorgeous sajaks) I shall aim to write more poems and sajaks or whatever. :)


Teguh
pintu renggang sedetik
lalu
cakerawala terhenti di putaran
tubuh,dipenuhi udara yang tidak dihembuskan
sayang, pintu tertutup rapat kembali
saat yang hilang
tergantung di ranting kenangan
Ada apa dengan kaca pendinding?
hinggakan peluru tiada kuasa menembusi
buka pintunya
pecahkan kacanya
harus berapa lama mendindingkan sekeping hati?
biar si labah-labah yang menyulam kesudahannya
biar bintang-bintang yang suratkan akhirnya
pasrah saja biarkan pendinding kaca berdiri
dalam waktu berjalan lalu,
pendinding kaca 'kan retak lalu pecah
dan pintunya pasti 'kan terbuka


"Aku tk nampak bola dier pon."
"Cam ne kau nk nampak bola dier. dier kn kai seluar."


"It's either your insults just suck or orli sucks. I think its the former and latter."


"Biler mak awak marah awak, tu dier sdg berpuisi."


I've been scheduling various appointments when I can but sometimes I need appointments too. Mostly appointments with food. My appetite's just been pretty shot this past week. Dilah actually sat down and forced me to eat something. And she forced a bottle of water on me in the train, like this mummy forcing her kid to drink more water. She said I'm so tired cos I'm basically dehydrated. I must say she has a strong case there. I haven't been drinking enough that's why I'm so tired and weak at times. Of course the two or three cans of Nescafe I take everyday to stay awake doesn't really help.

Hickory Heracles

In my last post, I mentioned coming home at 8 or 9.

I came home at 10.

I was so cranky due to an extremely severe lack of sleep.

Now it's okay since I passed that point where I'm so sleepy.

School today was a bittersweet mixture of pure fun and serious work.

Lectures took up half the day.

I shall just run through them pretty quickly;

PSL (process skills lecture)

Thought us useful and extremely important note taking skills.

I learnt quite a bit.

Essentially, it's dull but needed and since its only once so oh well.

H2 English Literature

It was my most favourite lecture of all. (duh)

My teacher started by telling us a bit about the subject.

We are apparently encouraged to be psychotic (no shit) but still retain your sanity and incorporate an objective outlook at the same time.

To ask questions and say your views.

She gave an example by intrepeting Moby Dick's white whale as a woman.

Insinuations started left, right and centre.

Then she told us the focus in IJC.

Which is imagining the other worlds/ alternate worlds like;

1) The Nether World

2)The Gothic World

3)The Scientific (futuristic) World

4)The Fairy Tale (magic and ethereal) World

5)The Insane World (no shit here either)

Since we're doing H2, we have 5 texts:

1)The Guide by R.K. Narayan

2) The Duchess of Malfi by John Webster

3) Handmaid's tale by Margaret Atwood

4) Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

and my personal favourite and the best there is,

5)The Tempest by William Shakespeare

(we were supposed to do Othello in place of The Duchess of Malfi but it never happened. DAMN. Gerry and I were make indignant sounds at that announcement)

Maths

We did inequalities.

I roughly had some semblance of idea what was going on but I am so rusty even oil will not work.

Which is why dilah's teaching me the basics of term 1's work on saturday when she sleeps over.

thank god.

After all the lectures above and a stretch of free period, we had orientation.

Sadly it was only half a day since the principal decided to shorten the 2nd intake orientation due to the adventure camp in week 2 of term 2.

Before games, we had icebreakers so Heracles of Supra consists of me aka fi, Zhen Xiang aka slacker, Alva aka Al,Joey aka Joe,Dory aka Fish,Moses aka Mo,Sherry aka Fuzzy, Vivien aka Monkey, Shu Han aka A Han, Hidhir aka Kid, Eddy aka D, Huda aka Junkie and our OGLs, Mervin and Ying.

I can't really remember much about the games, but the one I enjoyed greatly was the free throwing water bomb game.

Huda and I smashed water bombs on our heads while the rest of Heracles ran about throwing bombs.

Joey hit both Huda and I when he smacked his hands (which of course held water bombs) in the stomach.

I only had time for a small "ahh." before I was drenched.

Still, it was fun.

Sadly, (even after the 200 ++ points Heracles collected for our clan, Supra)

Supra had to bow down to PD.

Still, whatever, Supra rocks. haha.

"what's your L1R5?"

"Oh..umm 14."

"?!?? Then what the hell are you doing here?!"

"I'm allergic to water."

"Yeah right."

"Really! I don't shower. I towel and sponge."

"Hickory!"

"IT'S HERACLES!!!"

"eh if you're allergic to water right, I'm allergic to standing."

I'm going to go off now. My mood is totally shot. Thanks loads. This is so whatever. Money makes the world go round can kiss my ass.

Ad Astra

So today was the first day of school.

I felt thrown in a whole helix filled with surreal moments.

It's like the disorienting and hallucinatory quality dreams possess.

The day started out extremely early for me since I have to travel all the way North to IJC in Woodlands.

I must say I was impressed with the little fraction of the campus I saw during the walk from the bustop to the gate.

We, TKGians grouped around a table while waiting for Assembly to start at 8.

We checked out our respective OGs.

I'm in OG 26 Heracles of the Supra Beings tribe.

:)

We haven't really bonded yet but that's understandable since it was only the first day.

I did find a friend in Prevenya who mostly sat beside me.

Honestly, we were the only two on time all the time.

Even our OGLs (whom we still have no idea what their names are) were a teeny bit impressed.

There's nothing really much to say about the first day since it was mainly all the introductory and administrative talks.

Talks all the way from 8 in the morning to roughly 4.30 in the afternoon.

Of course there were breaks and all.

We learnt the school song which is way not like a school song. haha.

And school cheers but all the JC1s were kinda quiet so it was mostly the OGLs cheering and singing.

At that point, I severely missed the chaos in TKG.

I just handed in my application for subject combination.

So I'll probably be taking Lit in English, Lit in Malay, History and H1 Maths.

I love Lit. haha.

:)

Oh yes, an insight to my schedule tomorrow;

8 am

Flag raising at the grandstand

8.10 to 9.10 am

Process Skills Lecture at LT2

9.10 to 10.10 am

H2 Literature at LT3

10.10 to 10.40 am

Break

10.40 to 11.40 am

H1 Mathematics at LT3

11.40 to 1.40 pm

Free time

1.40 to 2.40 pm

Lunch

2.40 to 6.10 pm

Orientation at grandstand

Basically, I will reach home at say 8 or 9 tomorrow.

I'm already feeling the pressure.

I mean can you believe it's only the first day but I'm already thinking of studying maths later .

I can't help but worry since I missed the first 3 months and I dropped A Maths at the end of sec 3 which means I'm at a disadvantage.

Nevertheless, I'm pretty happy with IJC.

I love their motto and and all that since it all got something to do with the stars, the sky, the universe, constellations and etc.

And the school is new so all the facilities are state of the art and the teachers are all dedicated and the school uses a student initiative approach.

*

Ad Astra, To the stars.

Total Hottness

I spent two freaking hours trying to find that photo.

I saw a glimpse of it then I accidentally closed the window.

BODO KAN.

Then I couldn't find it again.

In the end I settled for this version from a collage.

Thus the pink maniezzz at tainting his face.

The random things

I had a dream last night.

A dream of Ariel otherwise known as the hot vocalist of indonesia band, peterpan.

I swear he is so HOT.

In the dream, they were here for a show or something and then they somehow stayed at my relative's place.

Then it somehow, I asked for a photo and then Ariel stood beside me and his arm was around my waist. haha.

I remember I gloated to dilah and nikki in the dream and they both told me to fuck off.

LOL.

And the night before that, I dreamt of the effortless hot shit placebo.

It was this totally weird dream where we liked each other (oh how I wish)

and then he snapped this ugly photo of me with his phone and I kept telling him to delete it.

He refused and then somehow, dilah and her painkiller appeared and started teasing as well.

(they were holding hands..hmm.)

Then we wrestled and I ended up tickling him.

Then sadly, I woke up.

Damn. I wanted to know if he was a good kisser even if its only in a dream.

Dilah told me that her mummy said if you dream of that person, he/she was thinking about you before they go to sleep.

So that means, Ariel and effortless hot shit placebo was thinking of me!

yeah right.

still, a girl can dream.

I had a heart to heart with nikki yesterday.

I guess all these while, what I needed was to talk to her about it all instead of talking about it and how I feel to dilah or shaf or who ever.

That was what I needed to stop being mad at her and finally forgive her for that one time she fucked up.

Like all those countless times she forgave me for all the times I fucked up.

It feels so good to let it all out to the person in question.

She asked me to forgive her and after so long of still being mad at her, I did.

So now it's all good and it is such a relief.

:)

Dilah was totally giving me smirks everytime.

I think she always knew.

And I gotta thank her for letting me figure everything out by myself.

:)

I'm trying to eat veggies.

keyword: trying.

I realise that when I have kids, I can't tell them to eat veggies when I myself don't eat veggies.

So that day, I tried carrots.

I know that's not really a veggie but still,

That's a start.

I shall go slowly about it.

No rush.

Oh ya, dilah, guess you're right.

I still have space in my heart to love more people again.

:)

This post is so going nowhere. haha.

It's just me being so totally random.

*

If my thoughts were water, I would have already drowned.