gelatissimo and eulogy for koko

Went out wif Lollie again jus now.

was supposed 2 go study at mp lib.

studied at orchard lib instead.

cool lib.

futuristic stuff n all dat.

i actuali felt lyk im in e 21st century. eh wait. i am in e 21st century.

*slaps forehead*

aniwei, i taught her a bit of loci.

i loooove loci. mayb cos i actuali understand e topic. :)

den, we walked ard a bit.

quite fun.

our own not-so-dirty-little-secret :)

dat girl rocks la.

treated me 2 yummy gelatissimo.

omg. sooo delicious.

i've vowed 2 myself dat i'll try every single flavour dere.

minus all e fruity n berrie flavours.

*shudders*

dey're scary.

i reali dun get how SUM *cough*lollie*cough* ppl can eat super uber sour berrie concoctions. (i love dat word)

and so ends another day out in town.

awesome.fun-fucking-tastic.

Ok, now comes e serious part.

my hamster jus died n since i did not give him a proper burial owing to the fact that his body was kinda rotting cos i left it a lil too long,

i feel dat i owe it to his memory to do a proper eulogy for the beloved fat bugger.

Koko, u came into my life and left me with many fond memories to look back on.

from the time that i was debating ur general sexuality to the times wen u've wriggled ur little furry nose at me through the bars of ur cage.

i'll always remember squeezing u till u squirm n feeding u countless treats, u greedy cute rascal.

May u rest in peace n may ur spirit live on in the 6 off-springs u've orphaned.

*a minute of silence*

I realise dat i've been smiling more these days.

smile.

i'm falling hard n fast n it's scaring me.

It's all the things you do

e past few days haf been dis crazy rollercoaster dat hurls me in2 dis whirlwind of emotions.

depressed. emo. happi.sad.

it's kinda weird seeing e fluctuations in my mood.

but ryt now, i'm cool.

wif life in general.

sumhow i tink if i haf e faith n believe, it'll go my way.

or sth lyk dat.

aniwei, i realised i got a lot of tings 2 b thankful 4.

so many little tings dat'll jus make me smile.

Here's a little list.in random order, wen;

1)i tok 2 nikki/mira on e fone

2)someone wishes me gdnite, take care n tell me dey love me

3)nikki gets all cute

4)mira smiles cos she noes wat i'm tinking.

5)mira tells me a confuzzling story

6)mira hyperventilates cos she's nervous

7)nikki says hrmph

8)jellie goes all 'huh?i dont get it'

9)i wake up in e morning n see orli on my wall.

10)anytime i see orli :)

11)lollie blushes everytime she toks abt ed

12)nissa laughs until she cries

13)i hear a song i like

14)i see rocky n tink dat dere's 2 others lyk him bt in diff colours

15)i cuddle up wif tofty every nite

16)i see a rainbow

17)i look in2 nikki's eyes cos she has purddy eyes

18)i see nikki's pineapple hair

19)i see dat ur online

20)my cousin hugs me, gives me his charming smile n say "kakak iqa!! i love u."

21)my mofo cousin suddenly tell me i look cute

22)i see a shooting star

23)i tink of all my frens n all e bodoh tings we do

so yeah. 23 out of e many tings dat make me smile.

:)

I'm falling..someone please save me

Krap. I'm right back where I started.

Please god, give me strength.

let me forget.

the pain.

the relief.

Aniwei,

mofo.

go online.go off-line.den go online again.

sheesh.

cepat la get ur stuffs done.

i nd 2 debate euthanasia wif u.

so i cn do bahas tmr.

u better debate wif me tau.

technically, ur e onli 1 dat cn help me gif sum deep stuff shyt.

sigh.

suddenly, i'm struck wif dis confuzzling ting.

mayb e reason y i crave 2 tok 2 u so much cos ur e onli 1 dat cn go so deep yet relate 2 me at e same tym.

i feel dat i cn reali tok 2 u on a much deeper level.

u kinda open up my mind 2 places i nvr knew i cld go.

gotta admit, u kinda got straight thru 2 me.

wonder wat's gonna happen.

do i dare tink abt it?

sumhow, i find myself subconciously doing dat.

*smiles*

i'm outta here.

love.

Keep me safe for one more night.

I'm hearing voices again

I tink sch's messing up my mind again.

and nt in a gd way.

i mean i jus gotta learn 2 block it out n nt listen ryt?

its all abt e mindpower or sth lyk dat.

jus wish it's easier 2 tell.

2 say it out.

sumhow, i lost my voice.

i can tell part of it bt nt all.

never all.

it'll take an exceptional person 2 get it all out of me.

bt i havent found dat exceptional person yet.

or mayb i did bt i lost dat person.

dat hurts.

bt, e world is sooo full of millions of ppl ryt?

so i'm sure i'll find another exceptional person.

bt 4 now, i'll jus keep it low.

n try nt 2 wear my heart on my sleeve 2 much.

n i gotta ignore it n nt listen.

no matter how tempting it is.

ok u noe wat, sod it.

screw everyting i jus said.

im jus nt in e mood 2 ignore animore.

Going in deep

Hmm...wat can i say?

its all abt e 1st impression.

still, its scary la.

2 scary 2 even think abt.

at least i've gained enlightenment and another charmed stranger 2 tok

random deep deep shit abt.

dats cool.

ryt nw, i'm jus a lil on e confuzzling side.

2 complicated 2 explain.

snam gets it dont u babe?

*grins*

Grey's Anatomy starting soon.

maybe they'll feature sumting i cn tok 2 _______ abt.

like euthanasia or human anatomy or organ donation or sth of dat sort.

lolz.

i look forward to talking to you again

take care and good night.

:)

perfect grammer and usage of the english language.

Oh well, we'll jus see how it goes so 2 my adek, keep ur hair on girl.

2 e certain best frens of mine, same 2 u 2.

i'm outta here.

love 2 one and all.

Of pinky promises and tiny capsules

Jus came back frm madrasah.

same old same old.

lil better cos dere's fiza 2 gossip with nw. :)

Aniwei, dis post is 4 yest.

i woke up at ard 9.45 in e morning.

felt a teensy bit better den e night b4.

decided 2 go 2 TP wif e eighters n niners.

met mira n shrtl at mira's bustop.

got 2 tamp n all dat.

n den had 2 wait n wait n wait.

cos sumbody ws late. :)

TP, here we r...

n i am glad 2 say dat it rocked!

had fun.

:)

damn sure its a toss up between NP and TP nw.

bt gotta go check out NP's open hse 1st. :)

after a tour of e business n desgin schs,

rushed off 2 SP wif jell, loll, zidd n nrl.

rained cats, dogs n even elephants e moment e train pulled up at Dover.

went in2 e auditorium, learned a bit abt sum courses.

n since we all were lyk damn fungry [ fucking + hungry = fungry. get it??]

asked ard 4 a decent place 2 get sum food.

so dis dude said " oh, walked straight, turned left bla bla bla"

so we followed his directions n ended up exactly where we started.

huh??? wtf?

ok. so ask another dude.

"Oh, e canteen's closed cos it's raining."

huh??even more wtf.

since SP has macs, so in a kind act of generosity, decided 2 make e dude's life easier n asked specifically where e macs was.

"oh, it's closed at dis tym."

WTF??!?

den we saw dis bus leaving so we thot we'd get on bt 1st, gotta ensure where we're gg had food.

Oh Yes!! dere is! Rock on!

ended up in e business sch.

had ramly burgers which tasted funky n ham n cheese balls which oso tasted funky.

quote jellie ; "is funky a gd ting or a bad ting?"

bad.duh.in e context i mean.

by e tym we were done stuffing ourselves wif funky food, e open hse ws drawing 2 e close.

so, we took e bus back 2 where we started n decided 2 go hm.

so if ur being technical abt it, yes. we onli went 2 SP 2 eat funky ramly burgers n ham n cheese balls.

so yea. den e train came n it was sooo damn packed.

ppl squeezed in lyk sardines.

since we all had time n didnt wan 2 go home, we cross over 2 e other side, took e train all

e way 2 Boon Lay n sat our assess on e seats n stayed lyk dat all e way back e way we came.

lolz.

me, jell n loll 4 no apparent reason whatsoever, decided 2 go 2 e esplanade n take gd photos.

purrdy lights n all u noe. :)

n off 2 e esplande e went. bt damn, jus went we were taking photos wif sumone's 2 mega pixel cam, it rained. damn la.

onli managed 2 take 1 pathetic-ated photo which didnt turn out well.

ala.

boo la.

aniwaez, went hm straight after.

train ride hm ws damn funi.

ppl was giving e 3 of us weird looks cos we were openly "fornicating".

meaning 2 say going all "touchy-feely"

as in lyk...yeesh. u all get wat e hell i mean kan.

lyk, its jus damn funi n ammusing 2 watch other ppl's reaction at our open comfort ard each other.

lyk dere ws dis woman dat kept looking at us n looking away n loking at us n looking away.

guess, being frm an all girl's sch, dat kinda thing's nt reali a big deal u noe.

used 2 it la.

n n our language 2.

lyk my madrasah fren blanched n went "omg, did u jus col fiza darling?!???"

i was lyk huh? u mean u nvr col ur frens dat?

u poor soul. get heart attack in TK i tell u.

darl.dear.switheart.syg.sweetie.hon.babe.

all used regularly.

lolz.

and so e story goes; dere ws onli me n jell left on e train nw.

n we were toking abt random shyt n i said sth along e lines of "capules rock my world"

den jell, hu 's extremely high btw,

conducted dis one-sided convo wif herself, impersonating a couple.

Woman: Hurry baby! put it in. put it in.

Man: It's in!

Woman: Oh. reali? dat's all of it?

i was lyk wtf? where e hell did dat cum frm??

lolz.

e tings dat girl cums up wif sumtyms, honestly.

:)

so yea. dats roughly at happened yest.

oops. gtg.

tuition cuming up.

n my iPod gotta b charged.

toodles.

Mercy Killing and Human Anatomy

I'm in a lil emo mood nw.

nt dat kinda emo i mean.

jus emo.

cos i'm doing research on euthanasia or "mercy killings"

its 4 e malay bahas.

n ironically e way e topic came abt ws jus ironic. :)

cos i ws telling nikki sth n den cikgu saw n he told me 2 contribute.

n i ws lyk oh shyt. wtf am i supposed 2 say??

n i blurted dis out.n it gt chosen. lolz.

aniwaez, back 2 euthanasia.

i'm against it reali. cos u noe, we dun haf a ryt 2 take away sumone's life jus cos we termed em terminal. how r we 2 tell??

did u noe dat in sum countries, ppl actuali haf 2 carry a "Do Not Euthanize Me" card in case dey get admitted 2 e hospital unexpectedly n e docs decide dere's no hope 4 em or sth.

n n dey oso administer it 2 "chronically" depressed ppl [lyk wat if e dude snaps out if it?? bt by den, it'll b 2 late cos he'll b dead.] n oso disabled babies.

lyk omg.

and and im nt 4 using unclaimed corpses for study of human anatomy or display lyk body world.

i mean, 2 me, isnt dat lyk a violation of human rights? n ur individual rights as a person??

jus imagine urself naked, n cut open n propped up on dis lil pedestal ting.

n dere's ppl gawking n gaping at u.

i tink dats jus sick.

aniwaez, moving on, cos i dun wanna put 2 much emo n all in here.

aniwae, i'll start wif yest.

e intervention. *insert drum roll here*

went veri unexpectedly.

i swear 2 god she'd haf dis whole line of retorts lined up bt nope.

"i haf nth 2 say"

wow. dats a 1st. mus b a record.

*side-track*; i swear i saw ______ 's brother on e bus home. dey look so much alike. except he has a sharper face n he's fairer. damn. remind me again . yeesh fee. let it go.*end side-track*

she said she'd try change.

personally, im waiting n c if dere r any changes after say 2 wks or so?

if dere arent kan, i reali haf totally got nth 2 say. n im jus gonna wash my hands off totally.

so yea, 2 all those hu asked hw it went, u got ur ans dere *points up* :)

2dae was sooo fucked up!

we were all jus sooo shagged so we didnt wan 2 go 4 art club.

bt damn, jus had 2 sumhow 'meet' ms D.

fuck la. we were lyk running ard e sch lyk mad ppl.

den we hid in 4/8 cos its closer.

n den ppl jus had 2 keep scaring me. "she's coming!"

i tell u panic is an understatement.

nikki ws sumhow trying 2 hide behind e cupboard door n nrl ws hiding next 2 e cupboard.

shrtl ws lyk debating on whether 2 hide under e table.

i ws at a lost n i hid behind mira hu ws stapling her class deco.

lolz.

n den me n nikki waited n waited n waited 4 e bus 2 cum bt it toook so bloody long!!

i swear its retribution tau.

so yea.

dats another episode dat shows our bodoh-ness.

epitome of mofo-ness rmbr. :)

i'm hapi now. lyk at peace with myself. guess i found wateva i ws looking 4.

thnx 2 all those dat snapped me out of it n brought me crashing back 2 earth.

:)

aightz loves,

i'm off now.

coffee's calling my name.

till next we meet.

:)

Right back at cha bitch

Just an old friend coming over

Now to visit you and

That's what I've become

I let myself in

Though I know I'm not supposed to but

I never know when I'm done

And I see you fogging up the mirror

Vapor around your body glistens in the shower

And I wanna stay right here

And go down on you for an hour

Or stay and let the day just fade away

In a wild dedication

Take the moment of hope

And let it run

Never look back

At all the damage we have done now

To each other

To each other

To each other

But when I see you

It's like I'm staring down the sun

And I'm blinded

There's nothing left to do

and still I see you

Hehe...I'm in love with e song! Third Eye Blind's Blinded. Go listen. Nice nice. :)

k, im nt gonna write abt wat i reali wanna say.

shall nt waste precious space on a self-centered, narcissitic[dat how u spell it??] bitch lyk her.

u guys noe hu im toking abt ryt?

gd gd.

smart ppl. :)

hah, can't wait 4 tmr.

wait. does dat mean i'm a sadist instead of a sarcastic person now?

bt den again kan, she is lyk a 'special' case la...so 4 her kan, fee will provide fee's one-of-a-kind

sadistic shyt...sarcasm doesnt apply 2 her la...

she bypassed fee's sarcasm. :)

n besides, since fee's sarcasm still on holiday in hawaii..so yea...

eh, y e hell am i still rattling abt her? eww.

aniwaez, lit ws nt 2 bad. im jus soooo glad we got over EL teacher. :)

heh...so funny...was debating abt y e play is called 'twelve night'...

sang dat christmas song...e 12 day, my true love gave 2 me sth sth sth song...u noe?

so yea...n haha..apparently 4e9 cn sing!!

damn. lyk choir. wats it called? carolers? sth lyk dat.

aniwaez...got up 2 day 9.

"One e nineth day of christmas, my true love gave to me....-"

silence. no one remembers.

den dis voice piped up;

"9 mnths of pregnancy."
lolz.

So dats sch. after sch, went to PP wif nikki n lollie. ws in e toilet wen i overheard dis two women (one middle-age n e other, old) arguing.

convo went sth lyk dis;

Old Woman: Eh, can u nt flick ur hands lyk dat after u jus wash it? ur getting water on ppl.

Woman: I noe la!! why must you busybody?!??

Old Woman: Eh, why must you tok 2 me lyk dat?!? I tell u nicely wat. Y u shouting at me? wat's ur prob?!??

Woman: [going out of toilet] My business la!

Old Woman: [shouting at e other woman's back] Eh, you very rude ah you!!! How can you tok 2 me lyk dat?!??? I tell u nicely ryt?!?? You proud woman ah you!!

Woman: [shouting sth i cant hear] bla bla bla bla bla!!!!

Old Woman: Very rude!! Fucker!!! Bastard!!!

I was lyk OMFG. a woman hu mus b ard her late 60's jus called another woman a fucker n a bastard?!???? in public?!???

i'm lyk whoa. where e hell did dat cum frm??

i tink i kinda gasped a bit. i mean, i reali didnt expect those words 2 cross her lips u noe, seeing her age n all...

bt damn. apparently, her language is still colourful.

n still, e root of e entire shouting match is because e younger woman flicked e water frm her hands n it jus so happens dat e older woman ws standing in line of e water n got hit by a few measly pathetic drops.

lyk WTF???

*shakes head* e tings women get pissed over.

*grins*

btw, i swear i did not make up e convo. it reali happened.

dun believe me???

e next tym dat kinda convo happens n i overhear it kan, i'll record it k...

den u cn go hear 4 urself. :)

Jellie; hey darl. i noe tings gg rough 4 u ryt nw. i jus wan u 2 noe dat im always here 4 u if u ever nd me. jus shout out n i'll try my bestest goddamn best k...ur strong n i noe u'll pull thru dis...i haf faith in u..dun u dare go back 2 dat again tau.u dun nd it.u;ve survived wifout it. u can cont doing dat. i noe u cn.rmbr, aniting jus msg or col me tau. take lotsa care. love ya babe.

aightz, fee's signing off now.

gd nite peeps. gd nite world. gd nite universe.

love frm fee 2 y'all.

Epitome of Mofo-ness

Had CIP jus nw.

ws painting sum mural at dis kindergarten.

fun :)

bt omg.

i swear, art club is going down in e dumps sia.

it ws lyk dis whole unorganized mess.

M.S. [real name nt disclosed 2 protect identity n also my head. :) ] ws lyk;

"oh, u got 2 go there by public bus urself cos nvr hire bus 4 u all."

i ws lyk waaaattt?!??? take e public bus? 2 tamp?

dat will lyk take almos 2 hrs or sth.

n 2 mention dat dere'll b lyk a whole sea of green on e bus wat wif soooo many of us going 2 b gd samaritans.

aniwei, got over e public bus ting. i mean, its ok ryt.

its jus 4 of us ryt [cos e other 20 or so ppl left us behind.]

so of course e next logical qns wld be wat bus 2 take. so we asked.

M.S. : "uh, go tampines ryt? [wait, arent u supposed 2 noe dat???] so take dat bus 31. n den take uh, wat bus ah?? uh, 28."

ookaaaay...so yeah, 31 den 28. y do i haf a feeling its e wrong bus num?

nini[5 mins after M.S. left] : "28 nvr pass by dere!"

i ws lyk WTF??

n M.S. left us lyk grappling 4 a foothold n gg lyk huh??

aniwaez, me, nikki, nrl,shrtl n nini went 2 get a cab.

stopped 2 bloody cabs [hu refused 2 take us cos dere were 5 of us] b4 we realised dat we cld take 2 cabs cos nini's nt gg 2 e same place

*slaps forehead*

tsk tsk. silly.

so yeah. got dere. painted n all dat shyt.

den, we went home.

i gt totally confused wif e way out n all.

made us all cross e road b4 nikki pointed out dat we're on e wrong side.

so we had 2 cross again.

den e bus came at e bustop so we ran[sort of] 4 it.

got on 28.

den i realised its nt going e way its supposed 2 go!

so we had 2 go down, cross e road n wait 4 another bus.

n den nrl realised dat she cld haf taken a bus home frm where we originally alighted.

haha....so bodoh. nw den realise.

so yea..

dats pretty much how we all screwed up our journey home.

oh n, i missed my stop n ended up in e library. :)

nw, dis whole episode is wat i call the epitome of MOFO-ness.

haha...credit mira 4 dat word. nw i use it. gd word. :)

eh, wait. or mayb its jus fri e 13th. *insert scary music here*

aightz.

i'm out.

love.

Unopened letter to the world

It's been raining all week.

sumhow, its nt 2dae.

ala.

i like it wen it rains.

i'll jus stone n stare out e window n watch e rivulets of water down e window pane.

so pure. cleansing.

like they're cleaning out my soul.

yesterday was krap again.

seems like its gonna b a krappy week straight thru.

luckily nikki picked up e fone.

if she hadn't...

i'd rather nt entertain dat thot.

thanks babe.

owe u 1.

I fall asleep with my friends around me

only place i know. i feel safe.

i'm gonna call this home.

Damn, im suppsoed 2 go study hist.

ergh.

SI,

I noe u've always been there 4 me. wen im down, sad, hurt. ur dere. u've helped me a lot. n i suppose i'll thank u 4 dat. Bt i'm looking 4 a nice way to say "i'm out". I want out. I'm nt going 2 let u control my life anymore. it hurts 2 much. n i noe ur still haunting me. ur still in my thots bt jus noe dis, i'll let u go. soon. n wen i do, im gonna b sure u won't ever pull me back in2 ur suffocating grasp. i'll promise u dat.

k, i'm going off 2 mugg nw.

toodles loves.

Somewhere a clock is ticking

Yesterday was umm, how 2 say, "illuminating"

i swear to god, the things i find out everytym we get 2gether is lyk whoa.

damn.

apparently being a sadistic liar is tolerated well in e elder society.

or maybe ppl jus dun wanna c u noe?

cant believe u actuali did all dat shit. nt onli 2 ur own bro. bt 2 e rest of us as well. wat kind of a person r u?

n 4 fuck's sake u mofo, get a grip on urself.

or ur gonna end up jus lyk her.

ur lyk wasting away ur life n all dat.

sheesh, i dun give a fucking fuck if u do dat 2 urself u noe bt dude, tink abt ur mom.

dun u even feel an ounce of pity 4 her?

dat she has 2 go thru all dat shit wif u n all?

ok. u noe wat, e best i cn do 4 u ryt nw is 2 jus b dere 4 u.

i cn tell u wats right n wrong bt i cant force u 2 stop.

dats ur call 2 make.

ok.

10 mins 2 go 2 tabtv.

gonna nd all e luck i cn get.

damn.

i bought jus nw. jus hope i stick 2 using 4 tearing out my chem pract bk neatly.

sigh.

mon ws a nt so gd day.

luckily karma intervened? mayb e karma police was on e watch.

i dunno. its jus e ting sum1 said in passing dat hit me hard.

"what kind of a _____ makes u cry?"

i saw ur face den n i felt so guilty.

im so sori 4 hurting u n making u cry.

im reali reali sori 4 all dat i've ever done n 4 all dat i've never done.

ur ryt. i cn nvr 4give myself 4 all dat i've ever done 2 u.

n if every tear u shed because of me is a raindrop, i'd ask u 2 drown me in it.

bt i cant do dat.

if only i cld punish myself 4 it, i'd match every drop of ur tears with a drop.

bt i cant. cos i promised u.

Surviving a deathwish

Tab Tv next week.

Gd timing huh.

it just keeps coming back.

[nt dat i wasnt expecting it]

it's lyk haunting.

guess its sth i jus gotta learn 2 live wif it.

n y has e damn advert gotta b DAT of all tings.

sigh.

im scared 2 watch cos i dun wanna fall again bt i wan 2.

on a brighter note; i made a deal wif wani.

we'll both stay clean 4 a week till next sat.

den we'll treat each other sth.

dat'll b a lil tough wif dat tab tv episode bt we'll pull thru. :)

cos i haf faith n i noe every1 else has faith 2.

i noe it'll b ok.

i reali cannot thank all e ppl hu've given me support n jus being dere 4 me.

thank u frm e bottom of my heart.

its onli a week. i'll survive e deathwish.

First day on a brand new planet

Official sch started jus now.

wasnt 2 bad. i paid attention! :)

But omg, its so scary. O's.

i shall study n study n study!

i must. :)

my muscles r lyk aching cos of yest.

haha. nvr exercise 4 2 mnths suddenly must run.

1 lesson learned, nvr EVER put 4e9 wif water bombs. :)

we'll jus go utterly crazy. bt it was funnn. damn fun.

wanna do it again.

it ws so funi. cos sum of us were lyk 'i dun wan 2 get wet.' (*cough*nikki*cough*)
bt we ganged up on her n she got drenched.

haha. padan muker.

k, gotta make dis damn short.

got abt 4 hrs of studying ahead of me. :)

mira says malae songs rock.

hmm, im beginning 2 think she might be ryt. :)

The games that play us

Hmm...sth i read sumwhere is pissing me off a lil...

so yea.

im gonna keep dis short n sweet.

do u seriously tink i of all ppl shld noe better?

after u noe my stance on religion n all dat.

guess wat. take another shocker; my stance hasnt changed.

so yupp.

n yea wateva i do, its my choice entirely n im sori i ever told u in e 1st place n tainted ur perception of me.

bt u noe. sumtyms u mus realise dat nt everyone is a saint or an angel lyk u.

n apparently, dat applies directly 2 me.

hmm, i got better things 2 do den sit here n feel guilty.

oh well, jus a tiny word of wisdom frm me; don't ever believe in anyting ur sister says regarding websites.

or u'll end up lyk me; hooked on2 sum krap website jus 2 play tetris a hundred or so times a day.

so yea.

new year all over again huh?

sumhow miss e hols dearly. :)