It's cold outside

Paris, je t'aime is a sincerely good movie. I enjoyed it immensely. The way the entire thing was put together was subtle yet it speaks volumes. The cinematography, the way Paris was captured both in the day and night, was beautiful. It's a story about joy, about separation, about the unexpected, about strange encounters, about love and heartbreaks but mostly, its about people. It is worth your time to go and see it. I know I am going to go see it again on Staurday and I can't wait. :)

It's really cold right now since it rained pretty much the entire day. I was asked whether I'm happy just now in a totally unexpected yet deep discussion on life. On how to find happiness and fill up the empty void inside yourself and get out of the suspended vortex you are in.

It's so hard to find answers to such a complex issue because no matter how precise an answer someone can give you, it's you who have to find the answer yourself. The answer they give you may not be the answer you are looking for. The search for something more, something that makes you complete is fueled by the very human nature of dissatisfaction. It is in all humans to always want something more. In a way it's greed, one of the seven sins.

To me, prolonged happiness doesn't exist. It's an illusion we create. Like trying to find a safe place in a totally unsafe world. Happiness, the real naked terror of it, is pure. It's simple and subtle. It's happpiness inside. In other words, its being content. Besides, if prolonged happiness exists, there will be no sadness in life but that's bullshit. For what is life without pain and sadness? Life is made such so that we grow from the pain and sadness and learn how to properly appreciate what we have and not take it all for granted.

You can't be content if you don't love yourself. Yes, it's not something that is remotely easy to do. But it is something essential that you must do. How can you say that you love others if you don't even love yourself? We all have to learn how to do that and its one of the most hardest things to learn in life. Most of the times, you need a catalyst, something like a bang to shock you and make you realise that you have to pick yourself up, find your own prozac instead of just overdosing on pain killers.

I got my bang where I had it all taken away from me in a split second. I had to learn the hard way for everything. I had to learn how to love myself and how to pick myself up. I had to find my reason for living. Sure, I had help but mostly, I did it on my own because as much as people are there for you, nothing they say will make a difference unless you want it to make a difference.

Now, I've found so many reasons to live. How can you look around and say that there's nothing to live for, nothing to love yourself for. There's always something. It just depends on whether you open your eyes to see it. Besides, who ever said it was going to be easy?

I'm not even sure whether I'm making any semblance of sense or not. I realise I'm jumping around a lot.There's too many things running around in my head that it's hard to convey it all down.

It's getting colder now and I want to curl up under the blankets and wait and see if anyone calls me.

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I'm not here, this isn't happening