Didn't we almost have it all?

Didn't we almost have it all?

That spark.

That instant moment when our bodies were reduced to nerve cells, the space between us merely a synapse.

And the electric impulse that shot from the very core of my heart, travelling through arteries and veins, until it reached the core of your own.

Just for that fraction of a second.

When all the movement in the world stopped, even the rotation of the planets.

And it was just you and me.

Didn't we almost have it all?

I spent yesterday at my grandmother's.

Mohsin and I had a nice talk.

It's a rare occasion when we can have an uninterrupted conversation and it is only possible when everyone else is too busy intermingling and catching up in the living room.

We started off talking about relationships and he was telling me about his.

And I found myself wishing I could have one such as his.

And that I would find someone to love as deeply as he loves her.

Then the conversation rolled around to fadly's family.

Or rather, what was left of it.

He started to waver then.

Unsure how to express what is on his mind even though he knew I already know what he wants to say.

He was telling me how he doesn't understand why fadly has to be so hesitant every time he calls my grandma's to talk to his father.

There was silence for a while before he said;

"He's lucky he still has both. And more importantly, he has memories of them. For me, if you ask me what it's like to live with your parents, I'd tell you I don't know. That I have no idea."

Before I could even reply, he continued in a somewhat flat tone.

"Ironically, both of them are still alive."

He raised his hand to tell me not to reply because he didn't want me to hear and see that side of him so I continued our discussion about fadly.

Naturally I was defensive of my almost twin brother, not because I condoned his behaviour.

But because I feel guilty that I couldn't be there for him even though I promised I always will.

It makes me sad to see him grappling with this new twist in his family structure and how he tries to find comfort.

I miss him like shit, that wild rebel bad ass boy who always never fail to tell me I look gorgeous even though I've got freaking deep eyebags under my eyes.

I wonder whether he's gonna visit during Rayer.

I hope he does cos I want to be selfish and hold on to him longer.