I reached home today in a total cranky mood.
1) cos it was due to sheer hunger.
2) well, i just was cranky.
Ate dinner and promptly fell asleep until round about 10.40 when danial msged me asking
for a coffee.
I was still half asleep to bother replying and I didn't and still haven't.
Feel a little bad but then again he knows that its not possible for me to go out at 11pm at night.
There are authorities in my life that will severely punish me if I do.
I suppose he thought that I was already outside so he could just pick me up and go for a nice cuppa somewhere.
Maybe another day.
I'm in the mood to stay up till late today.
Even though I'm still pretty sleepy.
I'm looking to finish up my gp essay and post a post on MLG before I study history.
But then again, the allure of settling down to watch a dvd is pretty tempting.
Hmm. maybe I shall go watch something later.
Wait. what the hell am I saying.
I should stop procrastinating.
one word : study.
Had emergenetics workshop today.Got to see all my 34a bitches. I missed them loads. :)Apparently we were told our thinking and behavioural preferences.I'm a right-brainer.
which means that I prefer creative expression, work that exposes me to a variety of stimuli, interaction with people and I don't enjoy rote-learning, I enjoy creative process, I'm imaginative, I likes the unusual, I solve problems intuitively, I enjoy helping others, I'm more emotional, sympathetic, intuitive about people etc.Hmm. nothing that I haven't already figured out.Whenever someone asks what type I am, I ask them to guess and they alwaysknow I'm a right-brainer.Okay maybe it's not that hard to figure out since I self-profess my love for shakespeare and chairil anwar and well basically literature.And also cos they've established that I'm a people person.
Which ties in to what I want to say next.I can't help being a people person cos it's in my nature, in my thinking style, my behavioural patterns as well as my personality.But sometimes, thare are drawbacks to being one.For me, it's 2nd nature to just feel for others.
The drawback to that is there are times when I forget to feel for myself because I'm too caught up in feeling for others.Also, people tend to tell me stuff that they will never tell anyone else.I don't mind this because I love listening and it makes me feel that I'm needed, which does well for my self-esteem when its at a low point.The drawback to that is the fact that I carry a lot in me.A lot of bits and pieces of everybody else.And my heart can get so heavy sometimes without me knowing exactly what it is that is making it so.Pain is something that I feel most of the time.Not merely my own pain.Just pain and hurt in general, from my own pain and hurt and also all the pain and hurt people pour out to me that I take it in.(I can't help doing this.)Obviously the drawback to that is the fact that I'm merely human and there will come a point when I cannot take the pain.When I think back, my self-mutilation was driven by the sole need of releasing some of this pain from inside me. Pain can become a lethal combination when your own's is mixed with others' and it just becomes this vortex of pain.Another major drawback is the fact that there are always moments when someone does something to me and I know that I would never do what they did to me, to them.
(I think only I would understand this. I just don't know how to express the thought properly. But it makes sense to me so yeah.)
hmm. I've been blogging much.
It's 12.49 right now.
There's nobody online right now.
Or rather, nobody that I fancy talking to.
dilah's not online.
Probably still asleep.
And to think I was pissed irritated annoyed a little peeved at her on my way home.
Heh. Did you know that?
You're such a fucker for canceling on me again (okay this is the point I start getting ranty in a dramatic way)
This is the third time we've arranged to watch pirates but it didn't happen.
I'm so desperate to watch it that I've offered to pay the extra charge for you if we watch it tomorrow.
It's a good deal okay.
Please, I'm begging you, be free real soon.
I don't want to miss it.
And be warned eh, if I do miss it, you can predict what will happen.
Fi will just go giler babi.
(which you want to see BUT don't test it out with pirates okay)
Hrmph.
I still love you though you bodofuck.
*
The price to pay for an adrenaline rush is that you get annoying fuckers as well.
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