Last...

i'm sorry...4 everyting...


Yes. I've been a hypocrite...n i'm sorri 4 keeping u alive wen i myself am dying...


dun go blaming urself...


let me do wat i got to...n dun regret it...


i'll never hold it against you...ever


Take lotsa care...


Mira, no ice cream...remember dat...inhaler dun 4get...


Nikki, tink of me wen ur down n i'll b wif u spritually...telepathically...


Shaf, dun tink so badly of urself...watch e cramps...


To e rest, take care of urself...dun waste it...


Niners, u guys rock...sori 4 shouting at u all so much on cross country...

Love u all...truly...remember dat...always...

i'm sori...

No llore cuando soy ido...Porque sus lágrimas me harán deseo que hubiera permanecido...

Fantasies are not meant to be....

Fantasies are just not meant to be....i wished there were...so I don't ever have to face reality ever again but fantasies are just fantasies...they never come true...yet, we all live in our own fantasies...cos i guess it makes us feel better...feel lyk we're living in a better world...it kinda takes away e pain of reality i suppose...cos wen ur fantasizing, u get 2 dream up ur own ending...u get 2 decide how u wan a situation 2 be...n its all wat we dont get in reality...


Sumtyms, i tink fantasy is lethal...fatal...cos wen u believe in it 2 much n ur finally cruelly woken up 2 reality, the truth cld literally kill u...yupz...yet, no matter how fatal or lethal it is, i wan 2 live in my fantasy forever n ever...i wanna keep dreaming n never wake up 2 reality...

permita mí soñar, no me despierto...

Let me dream, don't wake me...

Forbidden yet so sweet..

Is it wrong 2 indulge in sth we're nt supposed 2? is it wrong even though it makes us feel better? helps take us 2 e world where we can forget all e pain n hurt...even if its onli temporary...is it wrong??


Some ppl may say yeah its wrong...n i guess it depends on wat u think...dere r many diff things ppl use as an indulgence...aniting...everyting...as long as u can feel a lil better n 4get all ur probs..even 4 a while...its a form of realease...from e cruelties e world has 2 offer...i always thot writers n poets hu wrote abt wat a wonderful world it is, knew their stuff..now, i jus say dey're either blind or refuse 2 see...


drugs...alcohol...self-mutilation...gambling...admit it...every1 of us has a secret indulgance sumwhere dat we noe is forbidden in general 2 all mankind...bt dat still doesnt stop us from indulging in it...is it so wrong?? if u haf control over it, is it wrong??


Sum ppl think heck, wen ur in dat state of mind, u dun noe wat e hell ur doing...i beg 2 differ...yet,its every1's opinion...every1 has a diff view...



U wanna noe wat i indulge in? why shld i tell u? wat right do u haf 2 noe? Fact is, i'm just living my life and its just a thing i do...



~indulging in something i'm not supposed to makes me feel better...although it hurts right after...At least i won't become again another cutter...tearing my heart open and serving it on a platter...~

permita mí soñar, no me despierto

Let me dream, don't wake me...

Is it wrong to be me???

Didn't go school 2dae...didn't feel lyk being ard ppl...dunno y...jus do...i mean its nt dat i dun love em or aniting. its jus, ppl c u as a diff person. dey view u totally in a diff way. dey see u as dey emselves wan 2 c u as...sumtyms i wonder, is it wrong 2 be me?Yo sólo quiero serme. I jus wanna be me. dere's so much ppl assume abt u, sumtyms its sickening. n yeah i am tired of it all. so guess i took a teeny break off frm sch jus now...ppl wan me 2 be sumbody im not n im sick of submitting 2 em..y cant dey jus accept me 4 hu i am? n im nt toking abt my frens...im toking abt ppl in general...my frens noe hu i am n dey luv me 4 hu i am...n im thankful 2 em 4 dat...its jus dat i wish ppl will stop trying 2 get me 2 b sum1 im not...cos i dun wanna be dat person dey wan me 2 be...





permita mí soñar, no me despierto....Let me dream, don't wake me...

bienvenido a mi vida...

Odio está enfermo. Odio los dolores de migrañas y corazón que tienen y pies planos. odio es frágiles. odio que las personas de la manera me menosprecian porque soy frágil. odio cómo que personas me subestiman. odio la manera que yo me soy marcado. yo nunca quise nacer esta manera que usted sabe. su apenas la manera que soy. no me gusta en todo tan ustedes pueden parar tratar de frotar Nunca entiéndame hasta que usted atraviese el dolor usted mismo. sólo entonces usted sabrá y parará ridiculizarme la manera usted hace ahora. algunos de ustedes debe saber. usted ha salido de los dolores de cabeza de mundo tiene antes no usted? la sorpresa. migraña es peor. Haiz. ..i realmente no lo quiere. tan stoppin que jode lo frotar en. yo lo obtengo ya. jodo frágil. sé maldita sea.



¡La vida es un asco. chupa. eso es lo que pienso y si usted no puede aceptar eso, le jode. última línea es, esto es el verdadero mí y si usted no me quiere para mí, usted piensa honestamente que doy un joder jode?!




Can't read e above? well, 2 bad den...guess u haf 2 go wifout knowing wat it is...pardon me 4 my sarcasticness n wat shyt..not reali in a gd mood. had a reali bad day. not going 2 elaborate..



2 my 2 bestiez: te quiero! tau. always remember dat..here 4 u always..aightz? take lotsa care...







"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life..."

Soy feliz ahora...I piensa

Haiz...2dae was an okay kinda day...was dead bored sumhow...princess asked me dis quiz shyt n den sumhow quizes were lyk e topic of convo??? lolz...aniwaez, after sch, got caught up in naming stuff game tingy shit...nikki la...she n xuan were going on abt diff types of rice...den, me, nikki n omi got caught up sumhow...n we tried noodles...n den along came nini...den it progressed 2 brands...n countries...n fruits...n flowers...n colours...lolz...kinda helped all our mental capabilites or sth lyk dat...heh...


Nikki: Stay strong gurl...love ya loads...col me if u nd sum1 aightz??? u noe my number...ryt?? :) lolz...btw, say hi frm me 2 [deep*breath] Bobby Beckham Michael Murray Bloom!!!



Aniwaez, here r my instructions 4 life...read..reflect...R.E.M.E.M.B.E.R.


Always be sincere.Whether u mean it or nt


Dont't be afraid 2 say "i dont know"


Dont expect life 2 b fair.It is ALWAYS unfair.


Love deeply and passionately.You may get hurt but its the onli way to live life completely


Smile wen picking up e phone.e caller will hear it in ur voice.


Treat ppl e way u wan 2 b treated.


Notice those dat love u n return e gift


And Lastly


When you say "i'm sorry" and "i love you", look e person in the eye and mean it.




"We will only be healed from a suffering if we express it completely..."

i can only wish...

Ur gone...I dun noe how 2 feel...I've lost a good fren dat i've spent a gd part of 1 entire month hating...Y? cos u were an asshole..u hurt me so bad..tear me apart bit by bit...rip me up at e seams..so i did wat every1 in my place wld do...hate you..i hated you so much...bt still, u stood by me...u nvr once hated me back...u kept saying ur sori...n i kept turning away cos i didnt noe wat 2 believe...bt i gave u a chance..jus dat one chance...bt i sensed sth wasnt ryt...dat i was doing sth wrong...dat small voice inside my head spoke out 2 me...called out...n i listened 2 it...i broke it off...u persisted...u said u were reali sori...bt i turned away again n again..den u left me alone..jus lyk i asked..n i was glad..bt i still hated u...i jus nvr realised i actuali didnt hate u at all..i loved u...nt in e way i used 2 ...as a fren..a gd fren..bt i realised 2 late..i realised wen ur lying on dat hospital bed, dead to the world...fighting 4 ur life...dat was wen it hit me...i didnt reali hate u did i? if i did, wat e hell was i doing watching u fighting jus 2 stay alive on dat cold hard chair beside ur bed?? i guess i was tinking dat if i hated u, it'll all b easier...all e hurt i had 2 bear dat u inflicted on me...bt truth was, i didnt hate u...n i realised my mistake 2 late...n it cost me...it cost me you...i wish things cld haf been diff...bt dey alrdy happened...it was alrdy fated n wish as hard as i can, i cant change aniting...Im jus so sori...dat i chose 2 hate u instead of confronting my pain...







"Sometimes, we don't always see what's right in front of us..."

Stay with me...

Stay with me pls

I dunno wat i'd do wifout u if u go

I realised it now

i was lying to myself

hoping it'd go away

dat my love 4 u will fade away

Bt i was wrong

Here it still stays

Im sorry

U haf 2 suffer

Jus pls..try n fight

4 me

I believe u now..

Wen u say u love me

u mean it

N now i mean it 2

dun leave me

i dun tink i can take it..

I love u

a lot

I'm sorri

so sorri

4 breaking ur heart

4 tearing u apart

I wished i didnt do sth so rash

i wished all dis nvr happened

i wish it was me instead

i wish i was e 1 hu gt hit by dat car

i wish i was e one lying unconcious

dead 2 e world

did u hear me whisper in ur ear?

did u hear me?

im askin u 2 cum bak 2 me

open ur eyes

i wanna c their light again

i wanna hear ur voice again

please

stay with me

God

dun u take him away frm me

u took her now pls dun take him

i beg u

please

i noe i ask u 4 lots of things

but please grant me dis 1 thing

Please dun take him away

What is love???

Love...Its a veri simple four-letter word..But its probably 1 of the most hard 2 define...Im nt toking abt love for frens, family n stuff lyk dat...im toking abt love 4 u noe, DAT special sum1... wat IS love aniwei?How do u noe ur in love?? n dat wat ur feeling isn't jus sum infatuation or fling or sth...how cn u define love??


Everyone searches 4 it..love. everyone wants to feel love.to love...wat exactly is it with love dat causes us 2 gif up everything 4 it? sacrifice all our dreams, our aspirations...jus for a thing called love...i guess every1 defines it in a their own way..so here's my defination...hopes it makes sense la..


Love..2 me, love is when you care about someone more than u care abt urself. and u'd rather make them happy den make urself happy..


Love is when my grandma got athritis and she couldnt bend down 2 do up her shoes animore.My granddad does it 4 her all e tym even though not long after dat, his hands got athritis too...


Love is when my mum makes coffee for my dad and takes a sip before giving it to him even though she doesnt like coffee...just to make sure the taste is okay...


Love is when you go out to eat with dat special sum1 and u gif him/her half of ur fries wifout asking them 2 gif u any of theirs in return...


To me, its the little everyday things u do 4 dat special sum1 dat shows u love dem...u dun haf 2 express it in words..jus by actions...u dun haf 2 do extraodinary things 2 shove u love sum1...fact is, even boring, mundane, ordinary things can prove 2 be extraodinary...


True love hurts sumtyms bt we all need it...Lyk how e flowers and trees need the sun for food? we need love too...always...and thats a fact...Love is wat makes the ride worthwile...Love can be the most sweetest of dreams, yet, it can also be the worst nightmare..if u hurt, n fall...dun wori, god created us in a way dat sumwhere out dere, our veri own special sum1 is waiting 2 b found...



~To have and to hold from this day forward. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer. For better or for worse. I promise to love and cherish you and deny all those that will come in between us .I make this promise for eternity. A promise that i will keep forever until the end of time.Till death do us part...~
[thot it was fitting sumhow cos it technically can apply 2 all of us... :)]







"When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew..."

I'm HIGH and i'm lovin it!

I'm happy! For once in a damn long time! yayness...Watched Charlie and the Chocolate factory yest! Reali nyc movie...had a gd tym...Johnny Depp totally rocks as Willy Wonka...played dat part damn well..thou Willy was kinda creepy, scary kinda dude...morbid.dats wat Nikki said..Yupz..except 4 e part where i cldnt drink coke or coffee...Nooooo...I love my coffee...But still...yeesh...No more coffee...so sad...But aniwei, other den dat, I'm happy!! Watchin e movie again wif my lil sissy tmr...double yay!


yes jellyfish, lil things make one happy...Lyk lotsa CHOCOLATE!!! alrdy had 3 bars n wan more!! High and drunk on chocs!! Whee...can set record...lolz


Aniwaez,since i'm in a veri gd mood 2dae, i feeling i shld thank sum ppl ...cos u noe u hafta thank ppl so u dun take em 4 granted...tau...aniwaez,many thnx go out to dis ppl...:


Orlando Bloom- 4 loving me...lolz...u rock..luv ya loads 2...lolz...:)


Johnny Depp- Ur willy wonka made me smile n laugh loads...Thankiez...(Omi,dun kill me, i dun lyk him in DAT wat kayz...he's all urs...)


The inventor of Chocolate- Thank you veri veri much!! ur invention so made my day...everyday!


Doctor M.J.- 4 treatin my foot n 4 e insoles which helped e pain a lot...thanx! n dun hurt dat ur kinda cute n hot 2...:)


PNikkiB- 4 desperately trying 2 pretend u sprained ur ankle...lolz...silly u...and sorry 2 say, u didnt reali pull it off...hehe..Thnx 4 always being dere 4 me wen i need u...I feel so free...hehe..Luv ya..Btw, i named one fireworks at e NDP after u...cos u lyk swirly twirly wirly!!!


Jellyfish- For goin sch wif me yest...n being supergirl n saving my life!!! Lolz..watch e minah-meter..lolz...Thnx oso 4 always making my day and cheering me up...N for always being dere 4 me wen i nd u...rock on and luv ya...


Omi- 4 being my mommy...N looking out 4 me since i apparently can't do dat for myself...


Nini- 4 being...well...u..silly immature u...always manage 2 ammuse me...heh..Btw, next tym, mus go out wif us instead...tau..luk after urself yeah lil sis?


Jack- Ola bro...wassup...lolz...u rock..Thanks 4 helping me carry e newspapers up e stairs sumtyms...appreciate it...N stop using dat irritating word!


Shaf- 4 e counselling n comfort i needed at tyms...Luv ya n stay strong yeah? Take care of urself aightz..


Katshee- You and ur cows n ur pocky...lolz...so funi...ammuse me..bt try nt 2 keep vandalising e board wif cows frm no matter how many diff perspectives dere is kayz???


Princess- U n ur matt...haiz...bt thankiez 4 always listening 2 me wen i bitch bout ahem*ahem... hehe.. :)


p.o.R.n.y.z - Thankiez lots 4 umm all e enlightening er...insights u've granted me wif...Must choose meeting tyms proper n nt wen e bell alrdy rang yeah? Btw, wheres e photo???Mus take soon..tau...


Jelly- For tolerating my bitchin durin e National day concert tingy...I noe i'm mean n i'm loving it! Her fault for being so ergh aniwei... [*puking guts out in2 handy bucket*] :):):)


To you- Thanx 4 e opportunity 4 me 2 feel loved n love...thou next tym, if dere is a nex tym 4 u wif huever, try nt 2 be a jerk...oso, no hard feelings thou u hurt me pretty bad...so i guess dat was jus a gesture of speech huh?


My lil Sissy: 4 tolerating my rambling and recollections of yest...u rock..


And umm thanks also 2 : -ALL my frens for being my frens...u guys r e best!
-My fellow Niners for a great class...Niners rock e world!
-My family 4 loving me...esp dad 4 e fireworks treat...n for spoilin
me rotten...
- E rest of my extended family...esp grandma 4 always spoilin me...2
bibik, hope u find peace in ur life and find e ryt direction again
-2 any1 else i've met n hu noe me, well, thank u...




Come take me away
Sailing past the Milky way
Reaching out into outer space
Lead me on through the endless maze
Come take me away...





"Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

I'm sorry...I'm not perfect

im sorry...Sorry mom....im sorri im not e daughter u wanted...im sori im nt hu u wan me 2 b...im sorri 4 disappointing u..i didnt mean it...i wish i was perfect...so i cn make both of u proud...im sorri im not...i noe i nvr made u proud...im not nadia or ira...im sori...im sori 2 dat u had 2 b embarassed by e call...i nvr told Mrs huever 2 col u n im sori u had 2 go thru wif it...i swear...i dint noe...


Im sori u had 2 put up wif having me 4 a daughter...im reali sorri...i wish it had been diff...i wish it everyday...i wish we're not slipping away frm each other...mayb, if things were diff, it wld b much more pleasant...4 u n 4 me...


i noe u dun lyk it wen i tok 2 long on e fone bt y cant u understand...i NEED my frens...jus e sound of their voice make me feel safe...make me feel dat at least sumwhere out dere, deres sum1 hu understands wat im goin thru...dey keep me sane mom...dey're wat dats keeping me alive...4 em..i stopped...n i dont wan 2 go 2 doing dat again...i dun wan 2 cut again...dere r alrdy enuff scars on me...dun u see, dey saved me...nt u or dad...dem...dey saved me frm myself...4 e 1st tym in years, i felt so safe, knowing dey'll always b dere...knowing dat i'll always haf sum1 2 turn 2...dey understand me cos dey're going thru e same thing as me...sumtyms i try 2 tell u wats wrong bt i'll end up getting frustrated instead..cos i noe u'll prob nvr understand...i try bt i find it easier 2 tok 2 my frens..i wish u understand jus dat...pls dun take dat away frm me...i need em mom..always..pls dun take e 1 ting i still hold dear away frm me...im nt asking u 4 sth impossible, im jus asking u whether u cn jus let me b...i need my frens a lot...i jus hope u understand dat...i noe dad prob wont bt mayb u do...i hope...


its not dat i dun wan 2 tell u wats wrong or how stressed i reali am...its jus dat i dun noe how...i nvr felt dat i cld reali tok 2 u...since i was a child it has been dat way...i dunno...mayb cos our race was nvr reali demonstrative...i noe its nt in ur nature 2 b demonstrative...n i dun fault u 4 it...its jus im insecure...ryt now dat is...insecure 2 e point dat sumtyms i tink u dun love me enuff...bt i noe u do...its jus hard...i dunno how 2 explain it...i can nvr find e words...dis is y i find it easier 2 tok 2 my frens...i hope u understand dat...


i wish it was diff between us...dat it nvr caused us dis much heartache bt i cant change aniting mom...i cant change hu i am...i cant change e past...im jus sori i've disappointed u n caused so much heartache...thou sumtyms i wish u didnt haf 2 drill it in2 my head so often...lyk i said im insecure n it hurts...a lot...wen u do dat...cos wen u say it out loud 2 me, makes it sound so final...so true...cos i've always tried denying it, tried focusing on e stuff i do best so i wont feel lyk im such a failure, a disappointment 2 u...wen u say it aloud, it hurts cos i noe its true...u make it true no matter how much i try 2 deny it...i feel so useless, so helpless, lyk im a failure...i hold ur opinion high, i respect u bt sumtyms i wonder whether u respect me...as an individual...nt onli as ur daughter...


im truly sori mom...dat it had 2 happen dis way...im truly sori dat it turned out lyk dis...i nvr wanted it too...im sori...


I love you mum...





~Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
but it hurts when you disapprove all along


And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
and We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect


I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore


And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you, proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
and We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect


Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
and We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect ~

Truth...

I'm still kinda in shock or shld i say surprise after e phone call i received last nyt...


Guess Mira's ryt...we do find comfort in total strangers...lyk dis classmate of mine, im nt even close 2 her bt still she called me up 2 tok abt stuff..her problems..her insecurity...her anger...everything...i was pleasantly surprised la...cos u noe i nvr expected her 2 pour it all out 2 me bt u noe, wen u nd sum1 2 tok 2 n ur choices are limited...mayb dats how she felt...bt oh well, hope wat i said 2 her actuali made sense...n dat she sorts it out...sumhow...


Reading dis site...its kinda lyk a site where ppl send out postcards anonymously abt their secrets...u noe e secrets dat dey nvr told any1 b4...sum of e secrets r so sad...dey kinda remind me dat we're all nt alone in dis world...dat sumwhere, out dere, sum1 else is oso experiencing e same ting we r...


it was one of the most truthful and sincere things i've ever read...the most barest and naked truth..not disguised or hidden beneath layers of lies, pretence, deceptions and such...dat is wat dat reali matters in life...nt e illusions we create for ourselves..or e delusions we try 2 turn in2 reality...its e simple truth ryt in front of us dat matters...e 1 dat we always ignore..dat we always cover up...yet its wat shapes life, give it form...not e lies or deceptions or illusions...jus truth...







"We swallow greedily any lie that comes by us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter..."

Life is short...too short...

Life is short. too short. u myt nvr noe wen sth myt happen..u may nvr mean 4 it 2 happen dat way bt it did...u got 2 expect the unexpected...n not live in illusions. Illusions of how life could, should and would be..dun tink abt e wat ifs and wat nots..y do u choose 2 do so? life is short...


Never take it 4 granted...Dun do sth risky..u haf a lot going on 4 u even if u dun believe it u noe...sure,i noe sumtyms taking risks is good..bt reali, how long r u willing 2 tempt fate?


Sumtyms, u find ur safety, ur security n ur protection in sum1 or sth..gd 4 u den..bt lyk i said, expect e unexpected...u myt nvr noe wen it's all gonna be taken away from u...cruel? yes but that's life..


So how do u live ur life? Live it 2 e fullest. i noe u tink dats so cliched but its true..jus go do all e stuff u love..dun waste it.U onli got ONE shot so dun u ever waste it away...At least at e end, u cn look back n say dat u've lived ur life 2 e fullest..


And treasure the ppl u love..dun take dem 4 granted..dun b lyk me...eveyting crumbled...8pm...1 call..n my life will nvr b e same again...


I wasted away precious tym..n now, im spinning out of control, trying 2 grasp wat's left behind but its slipping thru my fingers...i felt protected 2, safe. knowing dat dere's always b sum1 out dere 4 me..dat u'll always b dere..


But it all changed...I was in shock..i didnt wan 2 believe..even now, i tink a part of me nvr did believe dat it cld happen..ia part of me still denies wats so blantantly true...dat such a disease cld plague sum1 so swit, nyc, good, so everyting...jus lyk u...e day u told me, u changed my life...my whole outlook on life...i realised now nth is perfect...nth will last...i learned nt 2 take things 4 granted...


worse thing is i regret it...i regret nt spending more tym wif u...Im sorry i didnt fulfill ur last request...im sorry...it happened too fast...im still trying 2 comprehend it...dat ur gone...dat i wont c u ever again...i dunno whether i'll ever get over u...Im sorry i cldnt ease ur pain...im sorry i cld only watch..bt u still remained strong..u nvr once broke down or showed how scared u were...u kept it in..4 me..i miss u so much..r u hapi wherever u r now? i hope u r...i hope ur nt suffering in pain animore...u deserve it..i noe u'll always b dere...looking over me..always...





Treasure ur life n e ppl u love..Life is short n u onli get 1 shot at it...dun waste ur chance...dun live in regret 4 e res of ur life...its not worth it...







"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. "

For me, myself and I...

Why can't you let me be me...leave me alone...i wanna be free...



I have many sides to me. I admit that. There's the overly-sentimental poetic emo side, the sadistic sarcastic cynical side, the irritating and overly annoying side...and god knows wat else...


But hey, that's just me. I can be matured if i want to be and i can be annoy the shit out of you...if you can't accept dat, den fuck off...


im a complicated specimen. yes. very complicated. its not dat i dun get enuff attn at home. sure i do. i'm spoilt. yes. but onli by material possessions...wat use is dat reali..every1 tinks im e most spoilt person ever. hey, it depends on wat ur defination of spoilt is.


sure im thankful i get stuff i wan n all bt on wat grounds? on wat foundation? ever thot of dat...


i'm a human being n duh i haf feelings u noe. n im nt exactly e most secure person in e world..i get crushed easily onli u dun reali c it i suppose.


its a lil hard i admit. i noe u inside out n i cn predict wat u say b4 u even say it. y do u tink i sumtyms cease 2 tell u stuff? thot of dat? bet not.


wats e point of drilling in2 my head all e lil things dat i tend 2 do?? i wonder...dont u? i mean i get it alrdy...dun haf 2 make bets or predictions or aniting..stings bt i dun suppose u noe...i get it. i noe myself...if u haf 2 cont drilling it in2 me, gif up unless u seriously wan 2 piss me off 1 day...hey, wait, alrdy am a lil pissed. hormone imbalance wat shite. pms...


Btw, i noe im fragile. i sprain my ankle tons of times. i dun haf balance. u tink i enjoy it is it? spraining my ankle lyk nobody's business?bt hell, even if i try explaining y exactly i tend 2 get more injuries than others, not lyk u'd appreciate it...u'd say its jus an excuse.dat im being lazy. u jus dun noe n nvr will noe how much fucking pain im in..each tym i walk or stand tau..no, u said stop being stop being so lazy or sum shite lyk dat..wat e fuck do u care if i myt haf 2 go in2 surgery? hey, y do i even bother telling u in e 1st place? my breath gonna b wasted no?


n i oso noe im irritating. well, fucking ignore me if it bothers u so much...let me rattle on lyk sum lunatic gundu all 2 myself. makes u luk more sane no?crush me again if dat makes u feel better...


n i noe i whine a lot. i noe it hurts ur ears. bt wen i shut up, u ask me y i shut up. wat exactly do u mean? cn u make up ur mind n nt confuse me..hmm, mayb ur telling me dat 2 shut me up..u wan dat? jus dun regret it if i go mute or sth one day..


lets c, ltr, how many more stuff u can cum up wif abt me...shld b fun ryt? interesting no? u cn analyze me 4 real..exercise ur analytical skills yeah?


N im a fucking listener n not a fucking talker. i LISTEN. I don't talk. accept dat. if u wan sum1 2 tok 2, u got e wrong person alryt. if dat bothers u, i truly gt nth 2 say 2 u...n if my reflective moods irritate u so much, go tok 2 sum1 else den...


N btw, no matter how many flaws u c in me dat bothers or irritates u, well, i'm sorry. Im so sorry im nt perfect lyk u...bt dats onli better ryt? more 4 u 2 criticize, analyze and all dat shite...


Well guess wat, dis is me. if u cant accept me 4 hu i am, mayb its tym u start rethinking...cos ur sending me mixed signals dat r so not helping me...well, i dunno la, up 2 u la...





btw, if u terasa ah ryt, hu e fuck said all dis means its u???








"To be nothing but yourself, in a world that is doing its best, day and night, to make you everybody else..."

sick of playing ur twisted game...mayb...

i'm so sick of all ur krap.. sick of being ur pawn. sick of u making use of me and then pushing me aside like i dont matter 2 u...noe wat, mayb i never did...


jus cos u dun haf any1 else 2 turn 2 n u noe as a fact i won't shun u away...dat still doesnt gif u a reason 2 treat me lyk dis...y do u do dat? crush me a lil day b day...does it gif u satisfaction 2 do dat? 2 noe dat i let u get 2 me lyk dat..


y do u always take me 4 granted. "Oh, i shall go 2 her since i dun haf any1 else..." y? u always seem 2 overlook all e hints i've given u..r u reali dat scared 2 show ur emotions? mayb..wats e point.i've given up trying 2 tell u aniwae..it doesnt matter ryt?


i alrdy am insecure enuff wifout u adding 2 it all...ur reali nt helpin u noe...dismissiveness may b ur key 2 everyting bt its nt ever gonna work wif me..ever.i mean it. i did so much 4 u. sure say its my ego toking bt u noe its true. u noe it n mayb even if u didnt, now u do.. 4 ur happiness i sacrificed everyting. n i mean everyting.cos i want u 2 b hapi. i wan 2 c u smile. i still do..u above all others.bt u dun seem 2 realise wat i've done...i didnt mind cos as long as ur hapi, i'm hapi...bt now, its 2 much. i cant take it anymore...all ur games. no. enuff is enuff.


i need u. 2 keep me alive. 2 get me thru every day. bt sumtyms, i need a timeout..4 a while..i suppose i'll be ok after i've calmed down.. i haf 2 b..haiz...i jus needed 2 vent it out sumwhere...u noe i dun mean it..its jus sumtyms, i find it veri hard 2 keep up. wif u...ur so full of surprises. n sumtyms, u shoot away so fast, u leave me alone. in the dust...


i jus realised dis whole post is meaningless bt since i cant b bothered 2 write another, it'll haf 2 do...n i do haf plenty of apologizes 2 make...ironic huh? wen i'm down, i tend 2 say stuff dat makes ppl say stuff 2 me dat'll cos e wound 2 hurt more...dats wen i feel lyk i wan sum1 2 totally crush me, hurt me...bt deres oso tyms wen i feel lyk lashing back...causing every1 ard me as much hurt as i can...i dunno y i'm lyk dat...


r u askin me 2 change? if u r, guess wat, gt ur wish...i will change...n wen i do, u'd b surprised...


Wake Up To Reality.


Reality is painful
Stabbing me in the back
Slapping me awake
Pinching me hard


Sometimes I wonder,
What would I do,
Without you as my backbone, as my soft fluffy cushion.
Supporting the whole way
Through this blood-stained world.
Supporting me through this merciful Earth


Through and through, by and by
My heart just crushes,
More and more.


A mere scratch,
Becomes a wound
Piercing deep into my heart
Sorrow fills my entire life,
Tears become a common event.


Suicide, could be,
The only way out
Out of this forest
With no signs of life


Dark and hopeless, my entire world
Crashing before me as I mourn
Tumbling down, my life, so dear
Fragile and icy,
My heart now is


Sometimes I wonder,
What would I do,
Without you in my life;
As my pillar of strength.
Without you in my life;
To support me through,
Without you, forever by my side.
[by Carmen V...my sissy...]





"Sometimes, the ones you love the most, are the ones that hurt you the most..."

Friendship is a beautiful thing...ryt?

Friendship.its a simple word but you can intrepret it in a diff way.platonic.best.close.


i've always said that friendship is a veri complicated ting.twisted.hard to decipher.yet, it is how u urself wan 2 see it as.


friendship is the ultimate.the most beautiful.lets face it. wifout it, we wont b able 2 survive.we need e companionship.sum1 2 tell all our problems n worries 2...sum1 2 lean on 4 support.


if u cant even tell ur fren wats wrong, ask urself, r u reali frens? i dun tink so.


if u dun put ur whole heart n soul into a friendship, is it even called a friendship or merely an acquaintance?


if u dun even haf heart 2 heart toks, wats e use of even having a fren?


if ur frens bt u secretly hate, isn't dat hypocrisy n nt friendship?


if u cant even feel real emotions, if ur lyk sum robot, wats e point of having a bes fren?


cos fact is best frens tell each other everything. best frens r frank 2 each other. best frens dun hide behind masks, anger or angst or even pretence. best frens dun hate e other. best frens haf nth 2 fear. best frens accept e other 4 hu dey r. best frens learn 2 give n take, 2 tolerate. bes frens noe wen 2 listen n wen 2 tok. bes frens dun get mad over petty tings cos dats e onli way dey noe how. but mostly, best frens dun hurt e other, no matter how n definately not on purpose. n oso, bes frens noe wen 2 say sorry...


friendship. yes. its complicated. but if u try unravel e web together, it wont b as complicated animore.sure, frens haf their tiffs n fights bt fact is each one will only make ur frenship stronger.one tip; dun ever push e problem n conflict aside cos 1 fine day, its bound 2 surface again.settle it there n den n dun pretend it nvr did happen.trust me.




Broken,severed in every way
Searching for answers every single day
Picking up the pieces left behind
Trying to force the thoughts out of her mind


Walking between the lines, doing what's right
They just don't know she's hurting, it's not alright
Trying to be perfect, hiding the pain
Well guess what mum,yes,i guess i'm insane


Cos i'm overdosing on sleeping pills
They make me real, help me feel
Cos you and dad are never there
I try searching around, calling for you everywhere
But there's only an empty space,nothing just air


Watching her flailing,trying to reach out
It must've have hurt her, not able to shout
Her eyes have lost their glow
Now, they only mirror her pain, an endless flow


Walking between the lines, doing what's right
They just don't know she's hurting, its not alright
Trying to be perfect, hiding the pain
Well guess what mum, yes, i guess i'm insane


Cos i'm overdosing on sleeping pills
They make me real, help me feel
Cos you and dad are never there
I try searching around, calling for you everywhere
But there's only an empty space,nothing but air...





"Sometimes, when it seems that all the people you know are lonely, it will be selfish of you to be lonely by yourself..."