I'm sorry...I'm not perfect

im sorry...Sorry mom....im sorri im not e daughter u wanted...im sori im nt hu u wan me 2 b...im sorri 4 disappointing u..i didnt mean it...i wish i was perfect...so i cn make both of u proud...im sorri im not...i noe i nvr made u proud...im not nadia or ira...im sori...im sori 2 dat u had 2 b embarassed by e call...i nvr told Mrs huever 2 col u n im sori u had 2 go thru wif it...i swear...i dint noe...


Im sori u had 2 put up wif having me 4 a daughter...im reali sorri...i wish it had been diff...i wish it everyday...i wish we're not slipping away frm each other...mayb, if things were diff, it wld b much more pleasant...4 u n 4 me...


i noe u dun lyk it wen i tok 2 long on e fone bt y cant u understand...i NEED my frens...jus e sound of their voice make me feel safe...make me feel dat at least sumwhere out dere, deres sum1 hu understands wat im goin thru...dey keep me sane mom...dey're wat dats keeping me alive...4 em..i stopped...n i dont wan 2 go 2 doing dat again...i dun wan 2 cut again...dere r alrdy enuff scars on me...dun u see, dey saved me...nt u or dad...dem...dey saved me frm myself...4 e 1st tym in years, i felt so safe, knowing dey'll always b dere...knowing dat i'll always haf sum1 2 turn 2...dey understand me cos dey're going thru e same thing as me...sumtyms i try 2 tell u wats wrong bt i'll end up getting frustrated instead..cos i noe u'll prob nvr understand...i try bt i find it easier 2 tok 2 my frens..i wish u understand jus dat...pls dun take dat away frm me...i need em mom..always..pls dun take e 1 ting i still hold dear away frm me...im nt asking u 4 sth impossible, im jus asking u whether u cn jus let me b...i need my frens a lot...i jus hope u understand dat...i noe dad prob wont bt mayb u do...i hope...


its not dat i dun wan 2 tell u wats wrong or how stressed i reali am...its jus dat i dun noe how...i nvr felt dat i cld reali tok 2 u...since i was a child it has been dat way...i dunno...mayb cos our race was nvr reali demonstrative...i noe its nt in ur nature 2 b demonstrative...n i dun fault u 4 it...its jus im insecure...ryt now dat is...insecure 2 e point dat sumtyms i tink u dun love me enuff...bt i noe u do...its jus hard...i dunno how 2 explain it...i can nvr find e words...dis is y i find it easier 2 tok 2 my frens...i hope u understand dat...


i wish it was diff between us...dat it nvr caused us dis much heartache bt i cant change aniting mom...i cant change hu i am...i cant change e past...im jus sori i've disappointed u n caused so much heartache...thou sumtyms i wish u didnt haf 2 drill it in2 my head so often...lyk i said im insecure n it hurts...a lot...wen u do dat...cos wen u say it out loud 2 me, makes it sound so final...so true...cos i've always tried denying it, tried focusing on e stuff i do best so i wont feel lyk im such a failure, a disappointment 2 u...wen u say it aloud, it hurts cos i noe its true...u make it true no matter how much i try 2 deny it...i feel so useless, so helpless, lyk im a failure...i hold ur opinion high, i respect u bt sumtyms i wonder whether u respect me...as an individual...nt onli as ur daughter...


im truly sori mom...dat it had 2 happen dis way...im truly sori dat it turned out lyk dis...i nvr wanted it too...im sori...


I love you mum...





~Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
but it hurts when you disapprove all along


And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
and We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect


I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore


And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you, proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
and We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect


Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
and We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect ~