You gotta go there to come back

Had an eye-opening convo wif my sis dis morning at 5?

I cldn't sleep so i went out 2 get a drink n found her in e kitchen, snacking on cereal.

sumhow, i dun quite noe how, we started toking.

trivial stuff at 1st u noe.

sch.

movies.

music.

dat kinda shit.

n den suddenly, out of e blue, IT came up.

coming frm my sis, dis ws huge i suppose.

normally, she skirted ard e topic.

oh yes, she knew bt she always nvr made a single comment abt it. at least nt outright.

maybe she thot i was old enuff 2 govern my own life.

well, wateva it is, she mentioned IT so casually, u'd haf thot she ws toking abt the weather.

"Aren't u afraid ppl wld notice?" She asks me, suddenly sounding very much like how an 11 yr old kid wld sound like. "I mean, i notice."

I shrugged.

Bt, she posed a gd qns.

Arent i afraid ppl wld notice?

no.

i don't. at least now i don't.

i suppose i ws afraid ppl wld notice couple of yrs back.

cos u noe, nobody likes 2 b treated lyk dey haf an alien mutation disease on their face or sth.

bt now?

im nt afraid. Y shld i be?

it was a ting of e past. n i sincerely hope it stays in e past.

still, dat doesnt stop me frm noticing.

it cld just be a simple gesture of pulling down one's sleeve, of hiding one's left wrist behind one's back or out of sight.

i notice. n i know. n seeing e scars dat arent inflicted by me on me,

sumhow helped me 2 realise dat im nvr alone in dis godforsaken struggle.

n dat dere will always b ppl out dere hu'll give me support.

so here i take dis opportunity 2 thank veri special ppl in my life dat have always been dere, giving me support n having e faith in me.

thank u;

nikki 4 always listening 2 me n cheering me up.

snam 4 always being dere 4 me 24/7.

jellie 4 believing n having faith in me.

nissa 4 understanding n listening.

ira 4 being my sister.

n 2 everyone else hu've indirectly given me strength.

:)

On a lighter note,

i can't wait 2 get back 2 sch.

in a sick twisted kinda way, i'm actuali looking forward 2 it. :)

dat other den e fact dat i nd 2 exercise my sarcasm as i seem 2 b losing my touch.

(it's reali no fun wen i cant even retort e simplest retorts. hrmph.)

Well, i just like 2 think dat my sarcasm is on holiday in hawaii. yupps. :)

N i can't wait 2 watch elizabethtown.

musn't deny myself another chance 2 gush n go utterly ballistic over orli. :)

so if u are nt gonna appreciate me gushing n squealing e enitre movie, dont catch it wif me ok.

Oh, i jus rmbr a funi incident wen i ws on holiday in china,

ting is, wen ur in a cold place, u kinda nd 2 pee more often.
so yeah, i ws on e train 2 beijing n i went 2 pee.

n den i realised dere ws lyk smokish-vapour shit tingy around me.

so i ws lyk huh?! wtf?

den i realised dat my pee was smokin!!

lolz.

i suppose it works e same way as wen u exhale n vapour comes out of ur nose.

i ws so tickled by it dat i started laughing n went out of e toilet laughing my head off.

dis old man waiting 4 his turn 2 go in n c his pee smoke (eww.im sori bt dats jus gross. lolz.), looked at me lyk i was utterly crazy n just escaped frm an asylum.

duh, i laughed harder.

den i bounded up 2 my sis n proclaimed; "Ira! Guess wat! My pee was smoking!!!