It's thursday and I'm giving myself a good chance to wind down a bit since I don't really have homework to finish by tomorrow.
It's been one hell of a week.
Literally.
I think monday and tuesday were my punishment for putting on that veener all the time.
You know, the one that's a see through mask.
I'm sure it was pretty obvious to everybody else I was going to lose it soon but no, super girl me still insisted on being supergirl and kept denying the fact that sometimes, supergirl needs someone to save her too.
Dante says there's 9 circles of hell.
I agree with Jodi Picoult though. There should be 10. the last one for those that lie to themselves.
So I guess, I got my due time in the 10th circle of hell those 2 days.
Gotta thank the people that matter.
Kak ann as always, for pushing me back on the right path and showing me that maybe, just maybe, there is something worth it at the end of all this.
Cintaaa for listening. for being there. for so many things I can't even begin to express.
You're really too special and if I lose you, it'll really suck like fuck. (hahahah. i know you'll get this one. heh. wtf)
and all my other loves, (special mention goes out to Md. Baihaqi Ilham for generously offering me your shoulder to cry on. Sorry I ruined your shirt. again. and thanks for skipping school cos you know I needed the company.) for the care and the concern and for not pushing it when you can sense I don't want to be pushed.
thank you and I love you and I'll be okay so no worries okay? :)
I don't really want to get into detail on what happened etc etc.
Just enough to say that I got out of the house on Tuesday and let myself chill a little.
Watched P.S I love You and it made me laugh and smile.
( I wish and hope for love like that.
The kind that overcomes Death itself. The kind that's for eternity and for always. )
And then had lunch date with kak ann.
That's about it.
No revelations, no transmigration of any kind.
Just me, stripped of the concrete shell I hide under, and forced to pick myself up.
It's not easy really. It sucks every step of the way when you've let yourself crash down to such a point where you can't see the sky anymore.
I got warned plenty on that by kak ann.
thus, I'm taking it damn slow these days.
Doing things one day at a time.
thinking about things one thing at a time.
It helps me to focus more on the stuff that really matter.
right now, I'm still having difficulties breathing but I know I'll get through this and that it'll all be okay soon.
On a sidenote, I really miss myself at 15.
back when I was still young and carefree,
back when things were all black and white,
back when I was still mummy's girl (I miss being that the most. Mummy, come back to me.) ,
back when I was still naive enough to believe in fairytales and happy endings.
If you ask me now, I'd tell you fairytales are just mere works of fiction and therefore unreal, and happy endings are just scripted for movie screenplays.
[Edit: My cat is fucking annoying me right now. He's making a huge mess out of my already messed up room because he apparently wants to make an obstacle course for himself with me shouting at him as background noise of course. He seems to love annoying the shit out of me, thanks fyrus! seriously. And izzy keeps splotching her blood all over my table and my books. honestly. Thank god wira is still relatively sane. But that's probably cos he's too lazy to do anything else]
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