It's okay not to be

Nothing all that interesting happened today.

Except me going accompanying Sue to the airport to go the doctor.

Initially wanted to study there but I abandoned the plan.

Went home and caught up with a little Super Junior before maths.

Was too lazy to backlog all the 10 pages I missed thus far since Sunday.

(I'm actually surprised the number didn't jump higher.)

And now, my brain cells are all relatively fried thanks to maths.

I stopped half way cos I had no idea what in the world I was doing. -_-

"I need not describe the feelings of those whose dearest ties are rent by that most irreparable evil, the void that presents itself to the soul and the despair that is exhibited on the countenance. It is so long, before the mind can persuade itself that she whom we saw everyday and whose very existence appeared a part of our own, can have departed forever - that the brightness of a beloved eye can have been extinguished, and the sound of a voice so familiar and dear to teh ear can be hushed, never more to be heard."

-Mary Shelly, Frankenstein

Beautiful.

That is really raw pain at its most primary form.

I'm currently reading Frankenstein as you can probably already guess. (squeezing in some time a day to do so)

Gotta find some form of escapism in a created and imagined world so that all these, the bits and pieces that make up my life, will seem shadowless by comaprison.

So that it all gets clearer, even if that clear moment lasts only a mere fraction of a second.

It doesn't matter cos I get taken away anyway.

Wouldn't it just be great if life provided a backspace button?

Then we can all erase all the moments that make us who we are and rewrite them so that we become who we can be.

Sure, I've got things I want to erase.

Things that I'm ashamed to have done.

Things that have disillusioned me and things that have brought me crashing down to reality.

I want to be that shade of perfect.

But, if I erase these moments, there'll be nothing left and I'll just be an empty shell.

We can't possibly erase or take back anything.

There is no backspace button.

Fact is, all those moments? the ones that break your spirit and take away your hope?

they define who we are.

They define who I am now.

Sure, I'm not that shade of perfect.

But I've learnt the hard way that, it's okay not to be.