I can't turn my heart into metal

I woke up for sahur with a punding headache and my eyes swollen until they're slits and I couldn't open them all that much properly.

So I missed school.

Obviously my parents weren't too happy but I pretended not to hear my mum nagging at me on her way out of the house.

Wanted to go for the history lecture in the afternoon but I overslept and missed it in the end.

Tried studying but I couldn't really concentrate so I decided to clean my room.

Threw everything off my table and the bookcase onto the floor and sorted through everything and re-organised stuff.

Then I tackled my wardrobe, threw away a bag of clothes and re-organised it.

It's not that I was really bored or something, it was just so I had something to do with my hands.

I've kinda lost the drive for studying these past few days.

Maybe I need to numb myself more but thing is,

I can't possibly turn my heart into metal and function like a robot, doing everything mechanically.

Sure I can numb myself, I'm strong enough to do that but life right now, is asking me to turn my heart into steel.

And that's something that I haven't mastered the technique to.

Hey, maybe that's why I feel so .........

Then again, it could just be my coming period, bringing with it the woes of pms.

-_-